Bummer.

Charlton Heston: A Tribute from Mystic Ed, originally uploaded by gaywizard123.

I am glad his suffering has ended - being 84 with Alzheimer's has to suck. I've been a fan of Charlton Heston since I was 10 or 11. I'm amused /annoyed at all the press write-ups that mention him and his affiliation with the NRA but don't mention his work during the Civil Rights movement. Wikipedia touches on some of it. I don't agree with all of his politics but he shouldn't have been smeared and vilified the way he was. He was an old school LIBERAL who grew disenchanted with the direction the country was heading and had the courage to speak up about it. Rest in Peace, sir.
Before I forget,I have one Charlton Heston memory that just skidded through my thoughts: He was on the Mike Douglas show a billion years ago and Mike had him read aloud from a car manual. The idea was that Heston could make anything sound dramatic. It did and it was hilarious.

Back to my regularly scheduled blatherings: I like this quote: Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

What I'll be Watching:

Dollhouse Woo-hoo! A new science fiction series from Joss Whendon! Plus Tim Minear is aboard and Eliza Dushku stars. (\o/). I'm also pleased to see that Olivia Williams is signed up for a part. She played Bruce Willis' wife in The Sixth Sense. I have always wanted to see her in more but everything else I've seen her in she hasn't really done much. Anyway it's about sekrit agents who get their minds wiped between assignments -basically they are programmed like robots for their jobs. Dushku plays an agent who starts to develop her own personality. Hey, it's Joss Whedon. I'm there.

What I'm Watching:

Monty Python's The Meaning of Life I love Amazon Unboxed but they should really have the titles you can download closed-captioned. Brenden tends to be turned up all the way to 11 just before bedtime and most of the Monty Python fun is when someone goes off on a diatribe. I've seen it before and it's still funny. I was amazed at how young everyone looks.

Speaking of the Meaning of Life:

I'm sorry I'm such a goober - remember I said my love for something can be embarrasingly unconditional. I've been obsessing over this show for the last week or so and thank the GODS Battlestar Galactica Season 4 started Friday so I can start worrying about Kara and Lee again (and Bill, and Laura, and Six, and Athena, and Helo, and Saul, and Anders, and yes, even Gaius). It's a long way to September when we get new episodes of Life.

I'm totally dorking about all the Deadwood alumni that showed up - Robin Wiegert (Calamity Jane) is a cast member; William Sanderson (best known as Larry who had 2 brothers - Darryl and Darryl), Garrett Dillahunt (constantly plays creeps well - was also a creep in 4400 and Sarah Connor Chronicles) and Titus Welliver (is that a great name, or what?) have all guest-starred and all 3 characters would be welcome back. If the casting director manages to snag Timothy Olyphant or Ian McShane for season 2 I might spontaneously combust.

Letter to Brenden Month 34:

jonandb2, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

You were tested by the Hartselle School system, and you actually did well on vocabulary, but you qualify for tutoring on enunciation. I'm relieved to hear that it's not only me who doesn't know what the hell you are saying.

Your behavior the past month has been troublesome - you tend to hit. It's not out of anger or frustration as much as wanting attention. I wish I knew some kids your age, bud. We're thinking about putting you in a day care setting one or two days a week so you can play with other 2 to 3 year olds. The 5 year olds you spend time with of course don't want much to do with you because you aren't as developed as they are. Still, jumping on them when they aren't looking is a no-no. At least they aren't smaller than you, but it's troublesome.

The other thing that is really annoying me is you've been playing me - the night before last you woke up crying and you wouldn't stop. I couldn't tell if you were hurt or having nightmares or what. Jon went and slept on the couch and you slept with me. There were no more tears. Then the next day Devin said you had a good day and were cheerful, etc. but as soon as you came in, you started crying in that fakey way you have when you want something and you wanted to be held. Jon called shenanigans earlier, but I didn't smell the bullshit until then. I knew it was going to be a long night. You cried and cried and cried, but I made you stay in your own room. You finally went to sleep. Crap, I hate it when you play me like that!

On the bright side we've gone out to eat a couple of times and your behavior has been moderately acceptable. I'm so glad it's warming up so we all spend time outside together after work.

Just for Nancy:

Ralph Fiennes, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Hot Nazis are wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong wrong.

Tank Hard

brenden, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

That "tippity tappity tippity tappity" noise you heard yesterday was me doing a happy dance. We sold our private airplane (\o/) to the business. The money is going on the mortgage. I also am happy (\o/ \o/ \o/) because Battlestar Galactica starts season 4 this Friday.

What I'm Watching plus a bonus rant:

Live Free or Die Hard: It's interesting to note how much Bruce Willis has changed over the years - how much he's matured as an actor and aged as a man. This movie is okay but it's further proof that the 80's are over. Action movies are in a low-point on the cycle - a cycle that James Cameron ushered in with his 2 Terminator movies and Aliens, then John McTiernan imitated with Predator, the original Die Hard and Hunt for Red October (which in all fairness is more of a political thriller and his least James Cameron-like movie). McTiernan's career seemed to have imploded with The 13th Warrior (which is a GREAT MOVIE BTW - it's got VIKINGS!) and the remake of ROllerball (which sucked the proverbial ass).

Then Renny Harlin, who is a pale imitation of John McTiernan who is a pale imitation of James Cameron, did Die Hard II and Cliffhanger. He suffered from hubris and made the godawful pirate movie Cutthroat Island and was last seen directing dogs like Manhunters and The Covenant.

Then we won't go into Micheal Bay, who seems to be in a category all by himself in terms of directing hubris but he still wishes he were James Cameron (Bad Boys, The Rock, Armageddon etc etc etc). He's got enough smarts at least to try to reinvent himself and Transformers was a pretty good kid's movie that also appealed to people who grew up with those toys.

One thing that James Cameron understands that his imitators didn't really get was he knows that action movies tend to exclude women. They either exist to prove that the hero is heterosexual or to be rescued by the hero (in many movies they are both at the same time). In Cameron's movies the woman tends to be the hero. (True Lies is the exception but Jamie Lee Curtis had more to to than your average woman in an Arnold Swarzenegger movie). Cameron understands that in a date situation 80% of the time it's the woman that chooses the movie so he made it a point to try to have something that appealed to them. People can slam Titanic and hate it all they want - that movie appealed to girls and women, especially young girls and they represent an ungodly amount of purchasing power.

So anyways most straight-forward action movies these days are either direct-to-video or they have a strong appeal to women. The Bourne franchise is the only one I can think of that has been kicking box office butt and it has strong women characters and a tortured hero you just want to hug. The other action movies that have succeeded in the late 90's to present day have strong fantasy elements (The Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean, Spider-Man) that succeed with women because the actors appeal to younger women and / or there's an aspect of the story that appeals to them (love beyond the perfunctory heterosexual creds, tortured cute heros you want to hug - actually I don't get the appeal of the gay pirate thing as much but still - there are pirates which are almost as cool as Vikings).

So to get back to what we were discussing, the last Die Hard movie (directed by Len Wiseman who perpetrated the Underworld movies on us) tanked hard but it wasn't really that bad of a movie. It wasn't great, but I bet in the late 80's - mid 90's it would have been box office gold. As I watched it, it just felt kind of flat. Been there, done that, blah. Plus there was just nothing there to appeal to me as a woman. Nothing!

I also watched the first episode of the Showtime show Dexter, about a serial killer who stalks and kills serial killers. Cool premise, but I am beginning to completely hate voice-overs. There's nothing that Dexter said in V.O. that I couldn't have inferred by what was happening on the screen.

It's an iguana!, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

What I'm Watching:

I finally saw the other half of the Grindhouse double feature - Quentin Tarantino's Deathproof. I had started watching it before, but after 15 minutes of yak yak yak yak yak I shut it off. Upon my brother's urging I made another attempt at watching it and only TiVo'd through about 15 more minutes (if you fast-forward through something on the first setting, you can speed-read the closed-captioning and still follow the story).

I understand why Tarantino wanted us to spend so much time with the characters because one of the fatal flaws of any stalker / slasher movie is the victims are usually not very sympathetic. In this case I think Tarantino went overboard in making sure we got to know the victims before Stuntman Mike (Kurt Russell, how cool is that) starts terrorizing them. When the movie gets down to business, however, all I can say is HOLY SHIT.

Then comes the second act / set of victims: the movie has some of the best damn car chase / stuntwork since the 70's movies Tarantino was trying to emulate. Zoe Bell, a Kiwi stuntwoman (Uma Thurman's stunt double in the Kill Bill movies) who basically plays herself is a hoot. All the victims during the second half are really cool and fun, actually.

Tarantino also didn't kill in children so ultimately I think I like Deathproof more than Planet Terror and I intend to try to watch it again without any fast-forwarding when I work up the intestinal fortitude to do so.

The House on Haunted Hill: Not good - I was bored and it was Sunday. The movie was based on the old William Castle movie of the same name, and the only notable goodness here was Geoffry Rush's GREAT impersonation of Vincent Price, Jeffrey Combs (but not enough - what is a horror movie with Jeffrey Combs without some of his classic ascerbic comments?), and I was amused to discover that the original screenwriter was my childhood-favorite writer Robb White. It turns out he collaborated with William Castle on a lot of dreck. I was saddened to discover the only book of White's that is still in print is Deathwatch. He also amusingly wrote a book called Our Virgin Island - it turns out he and his wife lived in the British Virgin Islands back in the 30's and 40's. But that's neither here nor there in regards to the movie. The only other notably positive thing I can say about the movie is the black guy lives.

South Park: Is showing new episodes, hooray! The Britney Spears episode was disturbing and I was glad to note that I'm not the only person in the universe that feels bad for her. The 'Major Boobage' episode, Parker and Stone's tribute to Heavy Metal is hilarious. My favorite is still the World of Warcraft episode from a few seasons back.

I tried to do a write-up of a TV show meme I found but I lost interest. I realized something while trying to come up with 5 TV characters that I would (ahem) 'do': In all of my favorite T.V. shows I tend to like the women better (I'm not wired that way so it was a losing topic). I've mentioned before how much I love X-Files, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Battlestar Galactica. I love Scully, Buffy (and Willow and Anya), and Starbuck far more than I love any of the guys. I have 2 new T.V. shows I'm loving:The Sarah Connor Chronicles and Life. Of course Sarah is my fave, and on Life, I'm appreciating Dani far more than nutbag Charlie.

The only exception to currently running shows would be Lost, but in the case of this show, none of the characters really stand out as favorites. Kate, Jack, and Sawyer are all tools. I do love Sayid, Hurley, and Desmond, however. Oh, hey: to come full circle, Zoe Bell was on Lost for a few episodes but all she did was wrap a heavy chain around herself and leap overboard from a stranded freighter. What a waste, sheesh!

How to Annoy Me

bigshoes, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

How to Annoy Me

I am usually a pretty calm person. But we had an incident at dinner last night that caused me to curse like a sailor and experience flashbacks to my childhood.

We had gone to Lowe's to buy some more supplies for my front yard project and got back home pretty late. We stopped by a Chinese restaraunt and got some take-out. While getting B's food in front of him I noticed Jon had taken NOTHING BUT MEAT from the Kung Pao chicken, meaning that what was left over was almost COMPLETELY VEGETABLES!

This incident is what caused my flashback. My sister would habitually pour herself a bowl of Lucky Charms, eat the marshmallows, then PUT THE CEREAL BACK IN THE BOX!

Don't you understand? The ratio of cereal to marshmallows was too high!

In Jon's defense, I had already gotten my plateful and had no plans to get more. He doesn't like vegetables unless they are cut small (that's one of his peeves), so I shouldn't really have cared. But don't you see, if he had simply taken a serving of Kung Pao chicken then shoved the veggies aside on the plate that would have been fine. But by simply taking chicken and leaving the rest the ratio of vegetables to meat was TOO HIGH!

Hot Dog by the Pond

Hot dog by the pond, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

I love this photo. By the way, Brenden gets very shirty with me if I try to cut up his hot dogs. He eats the dog and then he'll eat the bun if he feels like it.

Hope every one had a chocalatey Easter. I hid a dozen plastic eggs filled with Sweetart jelly beans and Dove chocolate eggs while B slept. When he got up I decided not to prompt him but to see what he would do if he found them. The first two that he stumbled upon didn't have much impact other than delight him from the candy aspect. After he found the third one you could see something click in his face as he started deliberately searching everywhere. I wish it had been warmer outside because a sugar-fueled Brenden is a dangerous weapon when unleashed indoors.

We didn't go to the Easter egg hunt that we had gone to last year because I was extremely sore from yardwork I did on Saturday. Mostly it involved pulling up the horrid plastic edging, and digging trenches in preparation for laying brick edging to replace it. My hands were cramping so bad Saturday night I could barely open or close Brenden's sippy cups. What did I watch? Nothing of consequence. I watched some pre-season baseball and I must say I am happy to see Tom Glavine back in a Brave's uniform. So are a lot of Mets fans, I'll bet.

Lo Pan is not Pleased

Lo Pan is not pleased, originally uploaded by Mosd.

Yesterday was Don't be a Douchebag blog-a-thon day. The requirement was to write about something in the world of film that fills you with complete and total unbridled ****ing retarded JOY. Since I've blogged about good movies, bad movies, favorite actors, favorite characters, favorite character actors, imaginary boyfriends, flesh-eating zombies, and James Bond I think the fact that I'm totally retarded when it comes to movies is fairly obvious.

I am both equally proud and embarrassed by my taste in things.

Hey! My brother is blogging again (about damn time) so here's his new blog: The Check is in the Mail. He's a complete retard when it comes to movies too, so maybe he'll be blogging about them soon.

Fixed the link to bro's blog. Doh!

Pirate face: ARRR!

Pirate face: ARRR!, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

What I'm Watching:

Resident Evil: Extinction Better than the second one but I'm not saying much. If you like Milla Jovovich you'll like this movie because there's a lot of her. Yes that's a pun but it's not what you think. Actually it is entertaining but I just can't think of much to say about it.

Grindhouse Presents:Planet Terror Robert Rodriguez has the perfect eye for shlock and I always love his movies that tend towards horror (From Dusk Till Dawn and The Faculty). Unfortunately I can't unreservedly recommend this movie because of the death of a child (note to filmmakers: just pretend kids don't exist in horror milieus). Other than that awful misstep all I can say is ZOMG is this movie insane. It's kind of a flesh-eating zombie movie although those affected by the disease aren't really zombies. Those afflicted look pustule-covered super-nasty and when hit with bullets or cars they explode redly. Actually those who weren't afflicted exploded real good too. I can't properly describe the plot (not that it's important) but it's as outrageous as the special effects. I was impressed by the cast: Rose McGowan, Bruce Willis, Naveen Andrews (as a testicle-collecting sleazebag chemical engineer REALLY!), Jeff Fahey and Micheal Biehn (as brothers! Brilliant!), and Tom Savini (who sadly does more acting than makeup effects nowadays).

One bonus: before the proper movie starts we see a preview for a sadly non-existent film called Machete with Danny Trujillo. It's a blaxploitation movie except with Mexicans. Mr. Rodriguez: I would pay good money to see it for real!

Life Okay, I'm hooked. I was wrong about the entire mystery surrounding Crews' incarceration being solved. He only discovered who had done the actual murders he was framed for. He hasn't found the actual framers although he has some ideas. I like how he literally threw the Zen shit out the window when he went in persuit of the killer (unfortunately he retrieved it at the end of the ep). He slipped out of his cheerfull oddball demeanor as he tracked the bad guy down and I finally got a feel for Charlie the ex-con. Also unfortunately the writers tend to put anvils in their script (one character says Charlie went into prison innocent but didn't leave innocent which left me thinking no shit, Sherlock). TV writers are even worse than movie writers in underestimating the intelligence of their audience. Still, I'm looking forward to a full season of anvils, exasperated partners, and redheaded goodness in the Fall.

American Idol Yeah, I have to make some comments. Is Ryan Seacrest doing metamphetamines? I expect him and Simon Cowell to trade punches sometime within the next few episodes. Actually I'd enjoy that. As for the singers I don't really care. I like Jason Castro but has anyone but me noticed he looks like a Paul Ruebens with dreadlocks? Seriously.

A Trip to the Zoo

Meerkat, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

We spent this last weekend in Nashville. Jon was going to the Baker's School of Aeronautics to take his pilot's instrument rating written exam, and he thought we all ought to go. I dug up some info on things to to in that section of town so Brenden and I could keep busy while Jon was in class.

We drove up early Saturday, and I was happy to note the trip up to Nashville is not too bad a drive. We were in the outskirts in just under 2 hours. We stopped at Shoney's and had the breakfast bar (and did that bring back memories of college) then dropped Jon off. First I found a mega- Walmart and B and I did some leisurely shopping (diapers and socks for B, cough meds for Jon, and of course a toy that B chose). We went to the Nashville Railroad museum afterwards and I was disappointed. Go to the one in Chattanooga, it's awesome. B didn't care, he loved it but was upset he couldn't climb on the train cars parked nearby. Still, he was good to me all day.

The only sore part of the trip (and I do mean physically sore - I am so out of shape since the operation) came when I was pulling away from the museum and realized the tire was flat. I changed it and that was that but it was irritating. I had to leave B strapped in his seat and he couldn't see me all the time so he cried. I felt bad about that.

By that time it was mid-day so B and I went to MacDonald's for lunch. I decided we'd check into the hotel early and B and I had a nice long nap. Since B had fallen asleep in the car he woke up in the hotel room not knowing where he was and he freaked out a little until he realized I was there with him. We watched Scooby-Doo until it was time to pick up Jon. We ate at a Chinese Buffet then went back to the hotel room. B was rambunctious while Jon was trying to study;I wish we had spent a little more on a hotel with an indoor pool but then again he wasn't that bad.

Sunday was much better. After dropping off Jon B and I went to the Nashville Zoo at Grassmere. It wouldn't open for a few hours so I hunted down a MacDonald's with a children's play area and we successfully killed time there first. B plays with anyone who will play with him so he enjoyed himself immensely.

The zoo was fun and I took many pictures, including the nifty Meerkat in the pic above. I wish I were creatively funny; this pic is just begging for a lolcat caption. But anyway it was cold so not all of the animals were out. We didn't get to see the elephants and giraffes, but we saw all kinds of wild kitties, monkeys, birds and pigs. Brenden had the most fun in the indoor exhibition of turtles, iguanas, snakes, bats, and insects. He just went nuts at those exhibits.

By the time Jon texted me to pick him up it was early afternoon and B was getting punchy. He lasted 2 minutes in the van and then fell dead asleep and he didn't wake up until we were about 10 minutes away from the house. We had a fun trip and Brenden was mostly well-behaved (for Brenden).

I so ignored the news I didn't know about the Tornadoes hitting Atlanta until later Sunday. I was glad to see Helly and Alan reporting in unscathed; I hope everyone else is ok, as well.

An amazingly long post about Television:

Hypno Bob, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

I think I've mentioned this before: I was a fan of Wiseguy, one of the first series to have story arcs. I remember the producers of the show met with resistance on that format because the Network was afraid new viewers wouldn't watch if they didn't know what was going on. Wiseguy's story arcs would be 6-12 episodes followed by 2 or 3 standalones. The show fizzled out after 2 or 3 seasons but I don't think it was the format (yes, I'm looking at you, Ken Wahl!).

The X-Files blew that door off the hinges, as did Buffy the Vampire Slayer and now just about every show has an arc of some sort and all I can say is HALLELUJAH! I grew up watching T.V. in the 70's where all characters were static from episode to episode. They didn't have much backstory nor did they grow; they never had indelible marks on their psyches when their love got blowed up or shot (like the amnesia plot, and the evil twin plot, the death of a loved one plot is in the Plot-o-matic Rolodex {I guess it's been ported to software by now}).

I told you that to tell you this:

I have always had a love-hate relationship with Television: it can accomplish so much more in a series than a movie could ever dream of - for instance Terminator II used the phrase "Judgement Day" but you never had enough time when the action started to think about the ramifications of that phrase. In the new series you start seeing all the religious parallels especially as people who are pulled into the Connors' story start believing in cyborgs from the future - I know the bible didn't mention a Robot Holocaust in Revelations, but it'll do, won't it?

The hate part is that television so rarely does accomplish more and usually simply sucks eggs. Every once in a while you get lucky though. I pointed out to someone recently that when I give my love to a show it can be embarrasingly unconditional. I ran out of SCC episodes to watch last weekend and so I finally watched 2 more episodes of Life I had tucked away on my TiVo (bear with me, this is all connected).

Despite the show starring Damian Lewis, I managed to miss most of the first-run episodes for a really dumb reason. They weren't closed-captioned, and with a raging 2 year-old in the house, I might as well be hearing-impaired. I also have to admit I wasn't that impressed. Now I'm kinda sorry I didn't watch the whole first season (11 eps) - the writers have toned down Charlie's quirkiness and I've come to like both main characters. All I can say is thank goodness for TiVo and Amazon UnBoxed: I'll be able to finish out the series before season 2 starts this fall (hooray for NBC!).

Most people are comparing this show to House but I'm still sticking to my Veronica Mars theorem, even more now because I found out the mystery of who set up Charlie for the multiple murders is discovered by the end of Season 1. I loved the Veronica Mars format of one major mystery per season intersped with the "case of the week". I think it nicely balanced the need for a week-to-week connection with the characters versus standalone episodes to draw new viewers in.

Life is on one level a standard cop show. Lewis's character, Charlie Crews, is your basic Brilliant Detective, but in the few episodes I've seen, I like that he tends to ferret out clues to the mystery-of-the-week through sheer bulldoggedness as opposed to making Batman vs. the Riddler quantum-leap connections between two ephemerally related crime-scene objects (although sometimes Crews does that too). But I'm starting to like the character, who, after 12 years in the slammer, is a little off. Kind of the way a cat would be off if you locked it in a room for 4 weeks with about 100 alarm clocks that were set to randomly blare every day.

His partner, Dani Reese (hey I don't make these names up - I just report them), has a fine set of drug and alcohol related problems herself but spends most of the time playing put-upon straight-man to Charlies antics and the rest of the time keeping him anchored when he gets out of control. I'm liking her, too. She's starting to be more well-rounded than a lot of female characters who are not the center of a show (if they make the show more central to both Crews and Reese in season 2 I think it will be a major improvement).

Look, I'd be lying if I said that I don't find Damian Lewis to be amazingly attractive and that's the major reason I'm giving the show another try. I haven't given it my unconditional love yet, I have 4 more episodes to go in this season, but I want to. We'll see how it turns out. In the meantime, Lewis's hair is even more awesomly red in high-def. I'm just saying.

One more PS: have you noticed I'm watching more T.V.? It's because most of the movies I want to watch are too violent for Brenden. I need to watch SOMETHING! I will gladly take any suggestions for t.v. series to watch.

Find the raisin in the picture

raisinboy, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Hey, I got tagged, and I have a short middle name: Linn.

L is for 'Lazy': If I had a million dollars, like Peter from Office Space, my fondest wish would be to do NOTHING. Actually I'd need about 7 million bucks - some to tuck away into investments and then a couple of million to buy some beach front property on a certain Caribbean island. Then I would DRINK BEER and DRAW FLIES for the rest of my life.

I is for 'Independent': I hate relying on other people. This gets me into trouble more than I would have thought.

N is for 'Nearsighted': No longer in the myopic sense thanks to surgery, but still in the spiritual sense. I can't see 3 days in front of me unless I really try. The fact that Jon and I have managed to put away almost 20K in an emergency fund is a damned miracle.

N is for 'Nerd': I'm a software developer. My favorite TV show is Battlestar Galactica. I can quote all of Hudson's lines from Aliens. My wardrobe is 75% tee-shirts and blue jeans with the other 25% being things I never wear. I started a flame-war almost 15 years ago about a minor character on the X-Files (I wasn't deliberately being a troll, though). My nerd creds are impeccable.

I tag no one, for they have all been tagged.

What I'm watching:

The In-Laws: I watched the version with Alan Arkin and Peter Falk (1979), not the one with Michael Douglas and Albert Brooks (2003). I have fond memories of a triumvirate of comedies from the late 70's / early 80's and this movie is the second one I've watched recently. The first was "S.O.B." which didn't hold up as well and the third is "Hopscotch" which I haven't watched yet but is in the queue. I can't compare the old version to the remake, but Roger Ebert's review was enough to convince me I haven't missed anything (no sock puppet?!!? WTF?).

The movie still works because Peter Falk's earnest nutbag CIA agent plays so well off of Alan Arkin's put-upon dentist. Can anyone do put-upon as well as Arkin can? I don't think so. The wierder things get the funnier his expression is. For instance, there's one scene where he's in a small jet and is listening to safety instructions in Chinese (James 'Lo Pan' Hong, always fun). The Chinese instructions are funny, but Arkin's thousand-yard WTF stare is what makes you laugh. And if anyone ever yelled "Serpentine! Serpentine!!" at you, this is where it originated.

Turtle Butts

Turtle Butts, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

What I'm Watching / Reading:

Because of my downtime from this frakkin cold, I was finally able to peruse Jane Epsenson's blog. Ms. Espenson is a T.V. writer who is most well-known for writing for Joss Whedon's shows (Buffy, Angel, Firefly). Among the current shows, she writes for Battlestar Galactica so you can understand why I was delighted to discover her blog. It covers two topics: 1) writing for television, especially how to go about doing so, and 2) what she had for lunch (mercifully one or two sentences an entry). I especially enjoy it when she talks about "clams" (over-used jokes) and "pipe" (exposition). I've become insanely aware of exposition in stories and "laying pipe" is a perfect term for that process.

Shoot Em Up: This movie is in the same category as Snakes on a Plane in the sense of there's truth in its advertising: it has a lot of people being shot up, just like Snakes on a Plane had snakes on a plane. Clive Owen plays the same kind of straight-faced badass nobody he played in the vastly superior Sin City but he gets to keep his accent somewhat. What made me die laughing about this movie is it has an anti-gun message. Seriously, at the end of the movie we get sermons about the evils of private gun ownership. I haven't seen a dead body count this high in a movie since maybe Commando, or a John Woo Hong Kong gangster epic! I felt like I was watching some serious hardcore porn when all of a sudden right in the middle of some gang-banging action (in the old-fashioned sense of gangbang) the fornicating actors all of a sudden start preaching about how important abstinence is. Worth a watch if you like Clive Owen or Paul Giamatti, or are just super-seriously bored.

Boogie Nights: Speaking of porn - I have a tough time believing that this movie is already 10 years old. This movie brought director Paul Thomas Anderson to my attention. It's an epic about the rise and fall of a porn star during the late 70's - early 80's with an amazing cast: Marky Mark, Burt Reynolds, Heather Graham, Julianne Moore, William H. Macy, and a boatload more of "hey, it's that guy!" actors (Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Don Cheadle, Luiz Guzman, Alfred Molina). I caught it on the Independent Film Channel and it's like the 3rd time I've watched it. I don't know what fascinates me about this movie - it's about a bunch of stupid porn people (and I do mean not very bright), but they are a tight-knit circle of friends/family and I end up feeling some sympathy for them. Oh, hey! Thomas Jane's in it too. His hair is almost as amusing as Ben Affleck's was in Dazed and Confused, another remarkable movie about the 70's. Highly recommended.

The Independent Film Channel showed a Paul W.S. Anderson movie just after that one: Shopping, a horrifically bad, bad movie with Jude Law and Sadie Frost (I should make a joke about how the movie ends up as messy as their marriage did, but that would be wrong). I hope the programmers were just having fun and didn't confuse Paul "Magnolia" Anderson with Paul "Resident Evil" Anderson.

Meet the Robinsons: We're watching more kid-friendly movies (not that you could tell). This computer-animated cartoon is a misfire: it was too chaotic with uninteresting and cliche characters. I think this movie is the one that convinced Disney to leave the cartoons to Pixar.

Lost Dear producers: we do not need any more episodes displaying just what how perverted, pathetic, and psychotic Ben is. We get it. Kill him. Kill him now.

Judgement Day

Terminator, originally uploaded by avalokist.

And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts
And I looked and behold, a pale horse
And it's name it said on him was Death
And Hell followed with him.

Okay now. How in the hell could I enjoy a T.V. show any more than one that features Terminators? Have the climax of the season-ender feature F.B.I agents raining down on a motel pool to the tune of Johnny Cash's "Man Comes Around". Good stuff! And will Fox, the network that killed Firefly before it got a chance, renew? I'm not holding my breath.

Smile

smile, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

I believe the sinus infection has left but my allergies are raging. I quit getting shot\taking drugs for allergies when I was diagnosed with cancer for no other reason than apathy. Now that I know my tits aren't going to kill me (yet) I'm going to reboot my allergy treatment program starting tomorrow with a doctor's appointment.

Letter to Brenden Month 33:

Brenden, you are asserting your independence. When I say independence, I mean you are refusing to do anything we ask you to do. If this letter doesn't sound as light-hearted as normal, it's because this last weekend we were leaving the grocery store, and on the way to the van you decided to run from me and dart between two parked cars. I told you to stop and come back to me, and you got THAT LOOK on your face. I dropped the groceries and took off when you did, but you got about a foot past the other side of the parked cars before I grabbed your collar. You skidded on the asphalt and you started crying, I started crying, my hair greyed a little bit more and I had a myocardial infarction. What if a car had been coming? What if the driver was an asshole who likes to go 35 mph in a parking lot?

Being a parent sometimes is a never-ending series of what-if nightmares. The rest of the time you get to sit there and think about how inadequate, ill-equipped and uneducated you are. I hope I have some fun things to talk about next month, B.

The Terminator

The Terminator, originally uploaded by Dunechaser.

What I'm Watching: I have been itching to watch Terminator since The Sarah Connor Chronicles hooked me, and I watched it last night on a Blu-Ray disk. That movie, originally released in the Fall of 1984, brings back many memories. I saw it in a theater and remember loving it. I remember, in college, trying to convince a friend to watch it who wouldn't because she didn't like the idea that Sarah was valuable only because she gave birth to John Connor. I tried to explain to her that Sarah meant a lot more than that: if John had been raised by someone else he would not have led any resistance. She never did watch it. I remember I had taped it off of HBO and I pretty much wore the video out because it was my go-to movie when I wanted to watch something but didn't have anything new (until I got ahold of James Cameron's next movie: Aliens).

Terminator is still a good movie. The haircuts and the low-budget effects ($ 6.5 million - even in '84 movie terms that's low budget) date it some, but the story is still effective. And everyone is so young! Linda Hamilton, Arnold Swarzenegger, Micheal Beihn,.. hell, even Lance Henriksen, Paul Winfield, and Earl Boen! I have a hard time thinking that this movie is almost 25 years old.

The biggest difference, I think, between the Terminator franchise and the Alien franchise is the Terminator has much more story to mine. Alien took a left turn into a big mound of cow manure during the first 2 minutes of Alien3 and never got any better. Like I have said - Terminator 3 wasn't bad and the new TV show has been outstanding.

Of course I shiver a little with news of Terminator 4: it's the story of the aftermath of Judgement Day (so I have to wonder: is this new movie going to take into account / going to be taken into account by SCC? If so then poor Sarah and John are doomed to failure, yet again). The bad news is that McG (yep, that's his name. He should change it to McLovin) is directing. He did the Charlie's Angels movies (bleh). The good news is Christian Bale is playing John Connor, so there's a reason to watch. No, Arnold is not going to be in the movie, and I have no problem with his omission. Many different T-Models exist, after all.

Busy B

Busy B, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Brenden asked me to take him to see his dad on Saturday afternoon. Actually he said "Dada (unintelligable) truck (mumble) now". I asked him if he wanted to go see dada, and he said "Yeah, mama!" So I called Jon and sure enough he wasn't busy (cloudy and cold) so we went and hung around the drop zone for several hours. Brenden brought two of his battery-powered trains (Thomas and Arthur). Another couple had their almost-4 year-old daughter with them who started coveting Brenden's trains. B actually likes sharing his trains because he has more fun if he plays with someone so he let her use one and they had a loud, shrieking , fun, blast.

Sunday Brenden asked me if we could go outside (he just walked to the front door, pointed to it and said "out"). I said "It's too cold" but he found a pair of his pants and put them on himself and tried to open the front door. (Note: he has never put his pants on by himself before. He pretends to not know how). I finished dressing him and we went out and it wasn't too bad. I started raking leaves and he helped by picking leaves up and putting them in a small trash basket I use to transport rakings to the big 'lawn refuse' barrel. He got tired of helping after a while so he decided to start spreading the leaves around instead. Still, we lasted a couple of hours and I didn't have to constantly chase him because he was heading for the street. I am naively hoping I can actually do something about our mud flat front lawn this year.

Also on Sunday, B decided it was funny to pull my pants down. He knows better, now.

What I'm reading: I'm still chewing my way through Quicksilver, but I took a detour with a book Alan recommended to me World War Z which was written by the same guy who wrote the Zombie Survival Guide. Good fun flesh-eating zombie fanfic recounting a world-wide zombie infestation through the stories of the men and women who survived and fought in it.

What I'm watching: Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End You know for a bunch of pirates they don't do much pirating. They betray each other a lot - I guess that's the rogue portion of the equation. This DVD was the first Blu-Ray disc I have watched and I must say the visuals were breath-taking. Too damn bad there was no PIRATING! And not enough Chow Yun-Fat. Arr!

What I will never watch, not in a million, billion years: Frank Daranbont directed 2 of the best movies based on Steven King novels, The Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile. I will never, ever, ever, see the movie The Mist, however. I was debating putting it on my Netflix queue but after I read a review I knew I had better find a spoiler. I did and even the spoiler upset me so bad I almost cried! I'm going to post a relatively vague but important spoiler in the comments in case anyone is wondering what I'm talking about.

Three guys playing

Three guys playing, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

I'm about to go to a doc appointment about my sinuses. I noticed that half the people listed in my phone book are doctors.

What I'm watching:

American Idol Even Jon is getting bored.

Sarah Connor Chronicles If this show maintains its excellence, then my two favorite shows will feature bad robots. How cool is that?

S.O.B A funny, but somewhat dated Blake Edwards film from the 70's. Featuring Julie Andrew's boobies. SRSLY!

Blades of Glory Very silly with some good laughs. IOW a typical Will Ferrell movie.

Dirty Jobs One of the most terrifying shows, ever. Or at least nauseating. I love it! the geoduck farming episode left me particularly ill and flabbergasted.

BLEH

bleh, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Short bits:

Yes, the Christmas tree is finally down.

Brenden has a set of foam letters he plays with when he's taking a bath. Last night Jon mixed them all up and stuck them on the wall next to the bathtub, and asked Brenden to find letters, starting with "A". "Can you find the A, Brenden? Where's the A?". As Brenden would pull a letter off the wall, Jon would sit the letter upright on the rim of the tub. B had a few misses, but he only needed real help with like 5 or 6 letters. Maybe I'm dreaming, but maybe Brenden is going to be a reader, like me! Oh, I hope. I have so many books I think he'd love.

Our DVD player bought the farm. Which means we need to buy a new one! Since we have an HD TV we should get one of them new-fangled Hi Def players. It looks like Blu-Ray is the winner in the format wars, but I'm still scared of buying the Betamax 8-track player.

I just deleted 5 paragraphs of boring politics.

Lost is back, and so far Ben has been beaten up 3 times in 2 episodes. Jon wants the losties to just kill him already, but I'd like to see more Ben abuse before he's disposed of, preferably by feeding him bit-by-bit to a polar bear.

American Idol is back as well, unfortunately. The audition weeks are always train wrecks and after the choices are narrowed down to 24 it gets really boring, but I kind of like the Hollywood week where they take the people who made the auditions and put them through the meat grinder. Unfortunately the producers narrowed down the amount of episodes dedicated to this process the last couple of seasons.

I saw half of Pathfinder and despite the general critical dislike I am enjoying it. Once I see the rest of it I'll comment more but it's always nice to see Clancy Brown doing something other than cartoon voices (not that there's anything wrong with that!).

"Mama, are you?"

smile3, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

What I'm Watching
The Farmer Astronaut Or was that the Astronaut Farmer? Anyways, plot is family man, ex-aerospace engineer, designs and builds his own rocketship and meets a lot of resistance. Awfully contrived. I mean, did the screenwriter ever hear of Burt Rutan? Do some research!

Letter to Brenden Month 33
Whoo boy you won't shut up! I love it (mostly)! You have fully engaged your imagination gears (and if you inherited my imagination you're in for a lot of fun), and I enjoy watching you play with your trains while you narrate the action "Ono, homa wook ou!" (oh no, Thomas, Look out!) then you crash your trains together. I really enjoy it when you narrate a Spongebob episode to me:

"Wook mama Bobob go!" (Look, mother; Spongebob is running!)
"Bobob patree wheee!" (Spongebob and Patrick are sliding down a rope!)
"Bobob ow ow ow! Foo foo foo" (Spongebob and Patrick have rope burns on their hands! {blows on hands})

I also am amused (sometimes) when you get up at one in the morning and say "Mama, are you? Mama, are you?" It's much nicer than your old yowling (not that you don't do that, especially when I say "It's one in the morning! Get back to bed!") Everything is also "Yes, mama" or "No mama" when I ask you questions. That;s nice.

The "Mama, Joos!" then winging your sippy-cup at my face has got to stop there, bud. At least say "please"!

Mr. Quackquack's Beer

Mr. Quackquack's Beer, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Ugh. I still haven't totally gotten off of meds but I'm getting there. I've been listless and headachey lately.

What I'm Reading
I finally read a Neal Stephenson book, and I chose Cryptonomicon, which takes place both during World War II and pre-911 present day (it was published originally in 1999). Much, but not all, of the action centers around British and American code-breakers and some commandos who carry out odd missions whose entire job seems to entail preventing the Germans from finding out that their codes have been broken. We also see some pacific-side action involving the Japanese occupation of the Phillipenes (yeesh!). Most of the present-day action involves a computer nerd who, along with his ultra-paranoid business partner, is trying to set up some computer-related businesses in the Phillipenes. I'm barely scratching the surface of the plot. Although it is a little long-winded, Stephenson has two things going for him. I loved the main characters, and I could tell because I cried when I found out one of them died, and I also cried when I found out one of them lived. The other thing is he has a sense of humor that Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett would be proud of.

So right now, to punish myself, I have started Stephenson's The Baroque Cycle, a three volume story that makes Cryptonomicon come across like a Nancy Drew mystery (in terms of length and complexity).

What I'm Watching
I finally started watching The Sarah Connor Chronicles. How could I not? I love the first movie with a mad passion (I like the second movie, and I didn't think the third one was bad). So far I'm not complaining. John Connor's kind of whiny but hell he's a 15 year-old boy so that's to be expected. The actor who took over the Sarah Connor role is good - she does a good tough mom without going over the top (like Linda Hamilton did in the second movie). Summer 'River Tam' Glau plays Cameron (ha ha!), the Terminator sent back to protect John. Glad to see she's getting more work. I enjoyed Firefly and wish it had lasted longer. As for the storyline: The nice thing about mucking about in the timestream is you can change things around plausibly. For instance - in the third movie we find out from John that Sarah died of cancer. In the series this isn't overlooked and they get around it in an acceptable manner.

Superbad
Damn what a funny movie. Kind of hard to watch. It involves three eighteen-year-old dorks trying to buy booze so that they can have sex with drunk girls. The three dorks look like they should be slamming back Mountain Dew and playing Dungeons and Dragons in their parent's basement. Damn funny but I felt like I needed to send my brain out for dry-cleaning after watching it.

More Movie Comments

moar funny pictures

I have a story about an old Chuck Norris movie: One boring day when I was on active duty I was watching TV in the day room and 2 male soldiers came in and started watching, too. Pretty soon Silent Rage came on, and another soldier, a female, came in and tried to pull a little rank to get the channel changed. The two guys protested. The female then tried to drag me in on it. I remember saying "I'd just as soon watch the Chuck Norris movie". She left, pissed (fortunately she wasn't in my chain of command).

I told you that to tell you this: I was channel-surfing over the weekend and I saw that Martin Scorsese's The Departed was on, and so was Silent Rage. I discovered that yet again, I'd just as soon watch the Chuck Norris movie.

Sometimes the crappy movie is better. Speaking of crappy movies, I have some good things to say about Doom, a movie based on the video game. I'll tell you the bad things first - it's a blatant rip-off of Aliens, which should be no surprise. If you've played any of the Doom games you know that darkness can provide a pretty spooky atmosphere and up your adrenaline. In a movie it's just plain annoying. Many parts of this movie were just too freaking dark! Another thing: if you're going to rip off James Cameron, why not pay attention to what made the movie good? Like making most of the characters likeable? (It's all right to have one or two so unlikable you're cheering when they get et). A few in Doom are likeable, or at least fun to look at - the rest are monster-fodder.

But the good points: Dwayne Johnson (AKA The Rock) gives a remarkable performance that's some of the most understated overacting I've ever seen. He should give lessons to DeNiro, Pacino, and Nicholson about how to deliver ham without being annoying.

The people responsible for this silliness watch too many movies so there's nothing new, but they do throw a few curveballs at the audience (not that you have to be Barry Bonds to hit them. Or even Gary U.S. Bonds. And he's like 70). For instance you would think Mr. Johnson is the hero but that's not how it turns out. And the one woman in the cast never really becomes a damsel in distress (THANK GOD) nor does she turn into a (or out to be) a badass. And of course there's plenty of squishy scenes, shootouts, and brutal man vs. monster fistfights.

Anyway, I like it way more than I should. Up next eventually, I have found a movie where Clancy Brown plays an evil Viking. I am SO THERE!!

No Respect

norespect, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

One of the gadgets we lost use of when we bought our new high-def TV was our TiVo unit. Actually we could still use it but the quality of the picture was awful. We ended up renting a PVR from the cable company but it only made us severely miss our TiVo.

Then TiVo made us an offer we couldn't refuse - if we bought a new unit they would transfer our lifetime subscription to the new unit for a pretty decent price. Sold.

We have been using the new unit and the old PVR of a while now and finally decided to turn the PVR in and install a cable card in the TiVo - needed to see any digital channels (all above channel 99) including the high def ones which is why we have been using both units.

Well, our cable company missed the first appointment (last Friday) and didn't bother to notify us - we got in touch with them. They said the truck broke down and they had left us a message. Complete horseshit - we had our phones with us because we know the cable company sucks. No message was left and I doubt the truck broke down.

So they promised to come out Sunday. They were no-shows again, and when Jon called them they said the appointment was for Tuesday. There was some confusion as to exactly what the cable guy was coming out to do as well. Every time Jon called them he had to correct them on what was to be done.

Jon stayed home Tuesday and they were late. Fortunately the proper cable card was installed. Unfortunately they cut off our access to High-Definition channels. Jon called them today and they said they would have to send someone out. Jon arranged the appointment, then thought about it a while. Which lead to this actual exchange (via IM): The rep's name was changed because I don't want to be sued:

A representative will be with you shortly.
You are currently number 3 in the queue.
All agents are currently busy. Please stand by.
You are currently number 1 in the queue.
You have been connected to Monkey.

Jon: I just setup a service call to have my cable fixed, and needed some clarification on some things.
Jon: First, here is the information for you to access my account
Jon: (gives personal info)

Monkey : Thank you for contacting [insert any cable company here]. This is Monkey. How may I help you?

Jon: I don’t understand what is going on.. I had you guys install a cable card in my system
Jon: rather than using your HD-DVR anymore..
Jon: so when he installed the Cable card and took the DVR they apparently shut off my HD package
Jon: Now the lady said they have to come to my house to set it back up..
Jon: What is it that the person has to do?
Jon: I guess a better question is.. Are they bringing something to install? cause I do not want a box.. that is the purpose of the cable card
Jon: You cant PROGRAM a cable card.. you only allow its serial number access
Jon: am done..

Monkey : Jon, may I please have your Charter account number so that I may access your account to help you with your concern.

Jon: I gave you the information above..
Jon: Jon: First, here is the information for you to access my account
Jon: (Gives info again)

Monkey : Yes. However, I need your Charter account number and your Security code for me to assist you.

Monkey : You can find your security code on the upper right corner of your current bill statement right above the statement date.

Jon: I dont have a statement here.. I havent had to do this the past 15 times we have talked over the past week.. though the 5 different appointments made and the 22 different calls I had to make on this issue..
Jon: rediculous.. just keep stalling, you guys are good at this.. I am logging into my account to get this information.
Jon: please stand by

Monkey : Okay.

Monkey : Please let me know if you are still connected to the Chat session at this time.
Jon: I am still connected..
Monkey : Due to the current inactivity length, this session will be closed. If you have additional concerns or need additional assistance, please do not hesitate to initiate a new Chat session.

Monkey : Thank you for choosing [Cable Company]. Answers to frequently asked questions and self-help options can be found by looking in the "Customer Help" menu at [Cable Company URL]. If you have further questions, please chat with us again. Our chat support is available from 7 AM through 1:30 AM central time, 365 days a year. Have yourself a great day!

Jon called instead and finally someone was able to program the cable card so we could get our channels back. Or so they say; neither of us is at home. They also charged us for an extra outlet, one of the things we didn't ask for but they had on our work order. They did not put an extra outlet in our house.

Mr. Quackquack and Son

Mr. Quackquack 2, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

That's the penguin Brenden chose at the Chattanooga Aquarium gift shop. He calls him 'quackquack'.

More Movie Reviews:

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix This installment was pretty good - I thought the people responsible decently pared the story down to get it into 2 hours. Imelda Staunton got to play Dolores Umbridge, one of the most eeevil characters ever, and she did it with the proper relish. My biggest complaint with this one is I think anyone who has not read the books will be totally lost (something my husband confirmed - but for the record he enjoyed it nontheless).

Transformers Michael Bay has found his calling. Finally he made a movie which is as stupid as his other movies but at least this time around he knows it. It's a lot of fun to watch. The transforming sequences involving the Autobots and the Decepticons are worth the price of rental alone. Speaking of renting, this type of movie makes me appreciate our new television. We wouldn't have been able to figure out what the hell was going on on a smaller screen.

Hairspray The movie based on the musical based on the movie. Rent the original movie if you haven't seen it. Not that this was bad, it just wasn't necessary. I was intrigued by the idea of seeing Chris Walken and John Travolta dance together (cute sequence), but I was deathly afraid they might kiss. That's not my idea of hot man-on-man action.

If you know me, you know my idea of that concept is guys beating the shit out of each other - as I expressed earlier in my love of the Bourne series.

I should be reviewing a movie that exemplifies these values shortly.

I should add one comment about the original Hairspray: Any movie where the not-perfect girl gets the perfect guy (without having to become perfect) is A-OK in my book!

I blame the drugs

sleepy, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

I'm being somewhat slack and for that I apologize (drugs). I haven't written in over a week and truthfully nothing has really happened (drugs). The almost last fill of my expander was quite painful so I have been using aggressive pain management techniques (drugs). Work is good but slow (drugs-you get the idea by now).

The doc will add 20 ccs more of fluid to my expander in a couple of weeks just to top it off, then we will let gravity do some work before the implant operation. I thought the doctor was going to do this in two to three weeks, but apparently it will be at least 6 months before that operation. That's something to look forward to because I'm just about drugged out and plan to spend next week complaining about how crummy I feel because I'm no longer on drugs.

My brother Jonathan got a job in New York (congrats, bro!). Ileana drove back to Oklahoma from Tampa (she was helping him get his stuff together to move) and she stayed over on Wednesday. Brenden of course had fun. He will be BFFs with anyone who will play with him - he's not picky at all. I hope he's like that when he gets older.

Jon and I took Brenden to the Chattanooga aquarium last Sunday pretty much on a whim. I forgot the camera (drugs). Brenden behaved fairly well - we brought the monkey but we never had to use it. Jon and I think the penguins and the otters are the niftiest things. I think the jellyfish and the sea horses are pretty neat, too. Speaking of penguins, in our neverending effort to spoil the crap out of B we let him pick out something from the gift shop and he chose the fattest stuffed penguin I have ever seen. I need to post a photo of it.

Brenden's babysitter finally had her baby. She and Cy (after Cy Young, which is way cool) are doing well. In the meantime Jon and I are switching off on watching Brenden. I stayed home yesterday and I congratulate myself on not throttling El Jefe. I did a full sweep and mop of the house and ended up banishing him to his room because he kept trying to skid through the dirt. I ignored all the noises emanating from his bedroom as I hurried to finish the mopping. I was astonished as he casually walked into the kitchen at one point - had he finally learned how to open the baby gate?

It turns out he had gotten on one of his riding toys and had used it as a battering ram and had forced the gate off the door. I was too proud of his cleverness to whale the tar out of him. The boy may not say much that's coherent but there's nothing wrong with his problem-solving firmware.

A couple of more Brenden milestones - he ordered for himself from the kid menu at Denny's on Sunday! It was a couple of pancakes. He ended up eating Jon's sausage and my scrambled eggs instead but there you go.

I have actually watched a couple of movies lately but I'll comment on this one first -

The Bourne Ultimatum - I love the Bourne movies. I rarely like a movie better than the book but the Bourne trilogy is a lot of fun and far more entertaining (to me) than the Ludlum books. I like them better than any Bond movie and you all know how much I like those (I strongly suspect that it's because there's a decent human somewhere in Jason Bourne but James Bond is a through and through jackass).

Anyway the Bourne movies follow a pattern - lots of action, Matt Damon cuteness and angst, and quality character actors to anchor the movies:
Chris Cooper and Brian Cox (Bourne Identity)
Brian Cox and Joan Allen (Bourne Supremacy)
David Strathairn, Scott Glenn, Albert Finney and Joan Allen(Bourne Ultimatum).

They also have strong woman characters who always end up supporting Bourne (Allen, Franka Potente and Julia Stiles. Yes, I ended up liking Stiles' character after the 3rd Movie).

The only thing I missed in the 3rd movie was a hottie assassin trying to take out Bourne. Clive Owen tried to off Jason in Identity and Karl Urban tried in Supremacy. Some guy went after him in the 3rd movie of course but I didn't know him from Adam and he wasn't hot. That was my only disappointment.

Letter to Brenden Month 31

camping fun, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Let's see... what's new with you? Not much. Your vocabulary is improving and you recognize a lot of letters. You are still way obsessed with trains.

I think the biggest news is "meow" is no longer your word for "I want something to drink". Part of me will miss your meowing, but it's for the best. I don't want you to be laughed at in school when you go to the cafeteria if you meow at the lunch lady.

So now you ask for "joos" or "choka milk" or "wawa".

We gave you a Smart Cycle - a video game / stationary bike - for Christmas which you enjoy. We get a kick out of when you play the race game - the other cars will pull away from you and you will be pedalling as hard as you can and you will be yelling "Wait up! Wait up!" at the screen.

I like the fact that it's possible to lose at the games. As a software developer I know the value of making mistakes. It's hard to learn anything if you don't make mistakes.

I do realize that for other professions, like say being a doctor or a pharmacist or an airline pilot this may not be the case.

But I digress. 5 more months and you're three. I guess we had better get to that potty training soon.

Some Assembly Required

someassemblyreq, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

WARNING: the post below is LONG and GEEKY -

Jon, my sweetie, got a Christmas bonus this year, and he wanted me to spend it on a new computer. I jumped at the opportunity because my old one has become too obsolete. Okay, what really made me want to get a new computer is several games that have been released which would not run on my old rig. Every time I upgrade to a new computer it's because of a new game. Hell, I remember the first time: I upgraded my 386 to a 486 because Ultima 7 wouldn't run. I also learned the value of %100 compatability. The sound card I bought claimed %100 SoundBlaster compatability but Ultima 7 wouldn't work with it so I returned it and bought a SoundBlaster sound card. Lesson learned: If you want %100 SoundBlaster compatability, buy a SoundBlaster.

But I digress: that was then, this is now. Every other computer I buy I assemble. After I assemble I tend to mutter "never again" and buy a prebuilt. Then I get disgusted with the prebuilt and mutter "never again" and assemble my own. For the record I'm not a fan of Dell, by the way.

This cycle of the phase was a DIY machine and why not? I had the time while I was convalescing.

Phase one is always research. Here's one of my favorite places to do said research: Tom's Hardware Guide. I have to balance three factors: price, quality, and my own preferences. When I build a machine, I start with the heart, mind, and soul - or, the motherboard, CPU, and memory.

Of those I start with the CPU: I have built an AMD machine and liked it, but I have no problems with Intel and the latest generation of CPUs from what I have read Intel has the edge. I have a machine with 2 CPUs at work which I love (when I have to rebuild the world (that's all the code we use and it's a SHITLOAD) at work it takes a quarter of the time it took on my old 1 gig Pentium. Maybe even faster). But the latest from Intel are Core 2 Duos and Core 2 Quads, which instead of 2 or 4 CPUs physically located on the same machine, the Core 2s have multiprocessors built within the CPU chip itself.

In case you are wondering how useful a machine with 2 or more CPUs is, it depends on if the software can utilize more than one CPU. I went with a Duo instead of a Quad, to make a story short, because it was cheaper and ultimately I would not get much of a performance boost.

So I knew the CPU (Intel Core 2 Duo E6750 - 2.66 ghz), then I picked the motherboard. I went with an Abit IP35 Pro. Why? It was the right price, utilized a chipset I had heard good things about (Intel P35), utilized the type of RAM I wanted to buy (DDR2 - DDR3 was more expensive and again, the price vs. the performance boost just wasn't worth it to me), and I have had good experienced with Abit motherboards (super-easy to configure and dependable).

I also bought 2 gigs of DDR2 RAM (Corsair). The motherboard can hold more, but from what I have read, again, more would not have done much. Windows XP Pro can only utilize 2 gigs and I refuse to upgrade to Vista.

I did splurge on the Video card - I had my heart set on a Radeon GeForce 8800 GT. Again, bang vs buck. This one was expensive, though but worth every penny.

Then I had to get a case and power supply, both of look ostentatious, but I bought a 650 watt power supply (too much is always better than not enough), and that monster case because it was quite roomy and has a lot of fans for circulation. I did not buy it for the nifty kewl neon lights.

Lastly I bought a Western Digital Caviar hard drive - 500 gigs. A HALF A TERABYTE. Also a dvd/cd reader/writer.

3 things are noticably absent: 1) a sound card, 2) a network card, 3) a 1.44" floppy drive. The first 2 items came integrated in the motherboard, and with the proliferation of memory sticks the floppy drive seemed superfluous. Besides, if I really needed any of these parts I planned to cannibalize them from my old machine.

I also planned to use my old monitor because even if it's a Dell it rocks.

Another mitigating factor, I just realized, was that I wanted to buy everything on line from the same reputable place. Jon and I have had good dealings with Tiger Direct, so I ordered everything from them on a Monday and got everything the next Thursday. I only paid for standard shipping, too.

That left the Friday before Christmas as my assembly day.



It went smoothly - power supply into the case, then motherboard into the case, the power cables to the motherboard, then cpu on the motherboard. Then came the only fly in the ointment. The big, honking heatsink/fan that goes on top of the itty-bitty CPU was a MAJOR BITCH to install. Really, people, what the BLEEP is wrong with using screws???!!??



Anyway, after getting the fan installed I realized I had installed it wrong and the case wouldn't close. So I had to take it off and wrestle with it again after a little pity-party.

After that I installed the ram, video card, hard drive, and DVD drive then hooked everything else up to the power supply.

Then came the moment of truth: firing it up and seeing if it explodes. It didn't explode, but it did screech at me. So I powered it down and discovered I had missed a power connection to the video card. Once it was fixed it powered up just fine.

By the end of the day, when I went to get B and Jon came home, I was installing the operating system. Other than the heat sink, nothing else miraculously went wrong. I may just be masochistic enough to DIY again for my next machine.



All told I spent about 1300 bucks and my new rig ROCKS!

The Highlight of the Year

digging3, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

This is my first day back to work and OH MY GOD I'M SO TIRED!

Happy new beer, everyone. First of let me recap the year that was:

Jan - Brenden learned how to meow.
Feb - Not much - the highlight seems to be I planned a vacation to the USVIs.
Mar - Definitely nothing happened.
Apr - Dad diagnosed with cancer.
May - St John vacation! Hooray!
Jun - Attempted to start brewing beer again. Vowed to wait until B is older to try again.
Jul - Visited Dad and Ilu in Tampa + Brenden broke his finger in the garage door.
Aug - Chattanooga train trip.
Sep - Brenden finally called me "mama".
Oct - Stopped on the way to work to help some people in an accident we witnessed.
Nov - Diagnosed with Breast cancer (2 days after dad was declared all clear).
Dec - Month off of work. The price was too high, though.

All told it wasn't a great year, but there have been better ones on the books.

This year Jon and I plan to:

1) Save up a huge chunk of money for an emergency fund - enough so that if Jon and I both lost our jobs we would be able to pay our bills for at least 6 months.

2) Afterwards tackle the mortgage like there's no tomorrow. Our goal is to have exactly 0 debt in 2 - 3 years. That's right, none. Right now our only debt is our mortgage.

-If both those goals make you think we've been listening to Dave Ramsey too much, you would not be mistaken.

3) We do plan to take a vacation - we're going to try a cruise. I'm not sure where to or when, but we wanted to try it out. To be honest I have a lot of really mixed feelings about being stuck on a big boat with thousands of people but I'd like to try it once.

4) Maintain my weight loss. I only shot up 3 pounds after my surgery. I quit eating low carb but am just now going back. I blame the chronic nausea for both things, which thank goodness has finally subsided.

5) The most important goal for 2008, however, is to toilet-train Brenden.

I still haven't blogged about my new computer. I have, however, bored you enough for one day.

B Loves Oranges

orangesmile, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Well I hope everyone's Christmas was better than ours!

It started out ok; we were going to fly to Athens last Saturday to visit with Nancy and her family before flying to Greensboro to have Christmas on Sunday with my mom. The weather sucked and we got a late start on driving because a good friend's dad ended up in the hospital and Jon went to lend some support early in the morning.

Se we got to Nancy's about 2:30 and we had a great time there. I'm glad Anthony likes his video game. I hope Nancy doesn't show up at my doorstep in 12 - 14 years with murder in her eyes because Anthony weighs 350 pounds and spends 18 hours a day online playing World of Warcraft.

So after a fun but too short visit, we piled in the van and drove to mom's in the rain relying on Jon's new tomtom's wierd directions. Despite said wierdness it led us straight to her door.

Then Christmas on Sunday was fun at first - I busted my ass this year trying to find everyone gifts. I tried to be thoughtful and I think I succeeded, so it was great to see everyone enjoy what we gave them.

But Sunday afternoon Brenden awoke from his nap in a terrible grouchy mood. That night after a particularly bad case of tears from him I heard his stomach rumble, and before I had a chance to get out of the way he puked.

We managed to drive home Monday and he ate a few crackers. But as the day wore on he had a fever that wouldn't stay down, and more and more he refused to drink anything. He wouldn't even swallow his spit his throat was so sore.

We tried to call the pediatrician but she never returned our page. Finally at about 8 I told Jon we had to get B to the emergency room.
To make a long story short, he tested positive for strep throat. One painful antibiotic shot later we drove home around midnight.

So Christmas morning was subdued, but Brenden started feeling better and was happy to rip open more toys. It's been a rough few days but B is feeling much better. I'm sorry I took no photos of Christmas I was just too exhausted to care.

I have more to blog about, including my nifty kewl new computer I got for Christmas, but I'll save that for later. Brenden is over at the babysitter's running around with 3 other kids. I no longer regret as much having someone else watch him as much because he loves playing with other kids. In the meantime I have coffee to drink, cinnamon rolls to eat, and BioShock to play. W00T!

Letter to Brenden Month 30

xmastree, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Sorry this is late, bud. I blame the drugs!

If I could differentiate this month from the last 35 months, I think I would have to say that I finally realized that when I talk to you it no longer feels like I'm talking to the cat.

What I mean is you seem to understand us! Your vocabulary is growing slowly, but your comprehension has improved a thousandfold.

For instance, your dad asked you to "throw the ice cream carton away and put the spoon in the sink" a few nights ago. You took both, ran to the kitchen, and hesitated. We waited to see what you would do. You had a false start, but then you threw the carton away and put the spoon in the sink. Hooray! Damn, the cat just stares at me when I tell him to move his fat butt.

Not that you always obey me - matter of fact you are 'asserting your independence' more than ever. Thus I have shifted the nature of punishments. I now confiscate your beloved trains and the agony you experience teaches you valuable life lessons. Either that or you plot revenge against me with kitty, I'm not sure which yet.

I love you honey.

He used a caulking gun

orly, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Dig Brenden's shirt - I bet you can guess who bought it for him.

To explain the title of the post: yesterday the plastic surgeon added 120 cc's of saline to the expander. He had to use a caulking gun to squeeze the syringe. Yeah, my chest feels a little tight. I have 3 more fillings to go before the 2nd surgery to complete my fake booby.

I have before and after photos and I'm going to take more as the process continues, I'm just not sure how to publish them or even if I should. I'm not ashamed but they are boobies after all. I'll think of something.

PS:

moar funny pictures

I made the mistake of catching up on 3 weeks of lolcats today. My side hurts.

Overcoming Inertia

bouquet, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Sheesh! I have been under the weather, of course, but not bad enough that excuses going this long without posting. I have no excuse, except the drugs. I've been conveniently blaming them for everything.

So what has been happening to me since me and my right-side mammary glands parted ways? A little sleep, some reading, a little computer gaming, and very little television. That's it.

Here's some highlights and lowlights, in no particular order, from that time:

1) Dad telling me "he's the most well-behaved little kid I've ever met". He was talking about some pod person, because surely he wasn't referring to Brenden! He and Ilu took care of B the night after my surgery so that Jon could stay with me. They also helped enormously the weekend following my surgery. Brenden did have a screeching meltdown when Ilu took him grocery shopping, so apparently the aliens who kidnapped him returned him pretty fast (I wonder why?).

2) Projectile vomiting the hour before I got out of the hospital. I'll leave it at that.

3) Discovering Brenden plays well with others. The others being friend Miranda's 2 year old daughter and 10 month old son. They kept me company the weekend following the weekend after my surgery. Miranda felt like she didn't do much, but I owe her big - time. If B hadn't had people there to play with it would have been Hell on Earth.

4) Nancy, Mark, and Anthony paying a visit last weekend. Again, B had someone to play with and it made a big difference. It was especially nice because the weather turned windy and cold. B was very upset with me Sunday afternonn when I wouldn't let him outside to ride his tricycle.

5) Flowers! I received lovely bouquets from a myriad of folks, including Helly and Alan. Jon wanted y'all to know it was the most beautiful flower arrangement he's ever seen. I thought it was remarkably lovely. Yes, we placed it in the bathroom, because Big Fat Kitty considers any plant material to be a tasty dinner salad. He's wierd that way. Anyway, I never realized how much a bouquet of flowers can cheer up a person. Thank you again, everybody. They were a constant source of instant warm fuzzies for me - and I needed them.

6) Pain meds. I received Demerol after surgery (Jon commented that I behaved like I was playing Jeopardy), and some Demerol-esque pill once off the pump which I took for about a week and a half. After I ran out, I experienced nausea and heavy-duty cold sweats. I thought this was withdrawl symptoms, but doc said I hadn't been on the hard stuff long enough. He told me what I was feeling was normal and prescribed me Tylenol with just a hint of Darvocet. They do the job, but I learned not to take them just before bedtime. I can't handle the funky-assed dreams.

That's enough for now. Everyone's support and well-wishes mean more to me than I can say.

I owe a 36 month letter to Brenden, plus a blow-by-blow of the reconstructive process I'm currently going through. As they say in the islands, soon come!

Hello

chinesefood, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

I got out of the hospital Friday evening, and other than dizzyness from my meds, I'm doing good. I do have pain but it's not intolerable. That's it for now; I seem to have forgotten how to type.