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I have a story about an old Chuck Norris movie: One boring day when I was on active duty I was watching TV in the day room and 2 male soldiers came in and started watching, too. Pretty soon Silent Rage came on, and another soldier, a female, came in and tried to pull a little rank to get the channel changed. The two guys protested. The female then tried to drag me in on it. I remember saying "I'd just as soon watch the Chuck Norris movie". She left, pissed (fortunately she wasn't in my chain of command).

I told you that to tell you this: I was channel-surfing over the weekend and I saw that Martin Scorsese's The Departed was on, and so was Silent Rage. I discovered that yet again, I'd just as soon watch the Chuck Norris movie.

Sometimes the crappy movie is better. Speaking of crappy movies, I have some good things to say about Doom, a movie based on the video game. I'll tell you the bad things first - it's a blatant rip-off of Aliens, which should be no surprise. If you've played any of the Doom games you know that darkness can provide a pretty spooky atmosphere and up your adrenaline. In a movie it's just plain annoying. Many parts of this movie were just too freaking dark! Another thing: if you're going to rip off James Cameron, why not pay attention to what made the movie good? Like making most of the characters likeable? (It's all right to have one or two so unlikable you're cheering when they get et). A few in Doom are likeable, or at least fun to look at - the rest are monster-fodder.

But the good points: Dwayne Johnson (AKA The Rock) gives a remarkable performance that's some of the most understated overacting I've ever seen. He should give lessons to DeNiro, Pacino, and Nicholson about how to deliver ham without being annoying.

The people responsible for this silliness watch too many movies so there's nothing new, but they do throw a few curveballs at the audience (not that you have to be Barry Bonds to hit them. Or even Gary U.S. Bonds. And he's like 70). For instance you would think Mr. Johnson is the hero but that's not how it turns out. And the one woman in the cast never really becomes a damsel in distress (THANK GOD) nor does she turn into a (or out to be) a badass. And of course there's plenty of squishy scenes, shootouts, and brutal man vs. monster fistfights.

Anyway, I like it way more than I should. Up next eventually, I have found a movie where Clancy Brown plays an evil Viking. I am SO THERE!!