"Oh, Man!!"

jammieboy2, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Check out the cute jammies. You'll never see him in a one-piece set of jammies again because he officially hates them. Not too long after this picture he did his best to wiggle out of them and I put him in a tee-shirt. He much prefers the two-piece flannel jammies that button in front. He owns two pairs and would have many more if I could find them. Ileana found him a pair but had to do some serious hunting.

Brenden is in the full swing of the terrible twos. His range of behavior this weekend included spitting at me when I put him in time-out (I whaled the tar out of him - there's some things that get no second chances), and kissing my band-aided thumb because he saw that I had a boo-boo.

He first called it a poo-poo so I worked with him for a while on discriminating between a 'b' and a 'p', which are the same sounds but one is voiced and the other isn't.

His newest saying is "Oh, man!" which is of course hilarious to hear him say. He got that from Dora the Explorer which has a thieving character named Swiper the fox who says that when his plans are foiled. Which is exactly when Brenden says it. "Night-night time, B!" "Oh, man!"

Gunnery Sgt. Ermey's Inspirational Quote of the Week

R. Lee Ermey, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

You little scumbag! I got your name, I got your ass! You will not laugh, you will not cry, you will learn by the numbers, I will teach you! Now get up! Get on your feet! You had best unfuck yourself or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck!

Leave it to me to carry a joke too long. Anyways, I was in total awe of Lee Ermey during Full Metal Jacket. I have heard everything he said before, just not all in one place. Kubrick made a mistake, I think, by having him in the movie because the rest of the movie is meh after the basic training section. This also is the movie that introduced us to Vincent Donofrio, who is as wierd as Ermey is scary/funny. The only good thing about the 2nd half of the movie is Adam Baldwin, who is not one of the Baldwin brothers. Thank goodness.

Wish I were Here

What's on the Beach, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Not much to write about. The waiting game is on - 12 days until my surgery. Jon, Brenden and I are going to just relax and enjoy Thanksgiving at home this year. We're having ham because I don't much feel like deep-frying a turkey this year.

I bought a compendium of all 5 Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy books to re-read. I don't think I have read those since college, and I've never read the 5th book. Hell, I didn't even know there was a 5th book.

Jeez, I don't even have any monkey-boy business to report. I wish I could blog about my job, but I don't because I have no desire to be Dooced. The funny thing is most of what I have to say about my job isn't bad at all.

Surgeon Consultation #2

IMG_1362, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Sorry for the delay, but it took surgeon #1 and surgeon #2 this long to coordinate a surgery time. It's going to be Wednesday, November 28th.

Surgeon #2, the plastic surgeon, agreed with me on the implants because I really don't have enough tummy to tuck, and I just absolutely balked at having my latissumus dorsi (rowing muscle) moved. He's going to use an expander and I'll have a permanent implant placed 3-4 weeks down the line. He thinks a 2nd implant, a small one, will be needed in my other boob, to help me look symmetrical. Nifty. Get breast cancer, come out of it with a bigger rack.

I'm happy with my decision. I should be in the hospital for 2 days, and out of work for 3 weeks should everything go as planned. Now it's just a matter of waiting.

Surgeon consultation # 1:

B's jacket, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

I haven't learned anything new; just some technical terms for my condition. Apparently there are 15 types of breast cancer, and I have one of the most common forms called Ductal Carcinoma in Situ which means the cancer is in the breast ducts, and is non invasive (hasn't left the ducts yet). The reason I'm having a simple mastectomy of my right breast is because the indicator for DCIS is microcalcifications (exactly what it sounds like) showing up in a mammogram. I saw the mammogram yesterday and it looked like my boob was hit with really tiny buckshot all over the place.

The mastectomy will be simple, in other words there should be no muscle removed. 4 or 5 'sentinel' lymph nodes will be removed for biopsy. Those are the lymph nodes that would be the first to receive drainage from the tumor(s).

The mastectomy is the easy part; the harder part will be the reconstructive surgery. I have an appointment this afternoon with the plastic surgeon who will be performing the operation, and I have basically decided this: I do not muscle from another part of my body used to help reconstruct my breast because I am really bothered by the idea of becoming weaker just to look normal. Therefore I am going to ask for an implant. The funny thing is to make things even he might suggest an implant for the other breast.

If he is dead set against an implant, and I am dead set against using muscle, there is a third option which involves shaping the breast from the back, stomach, or butt tissue but involves no muscle tissue. If he can't perform this operation (it's a relatively new procedure), I may do one of 2 things - go ahead and have the mastectomy but hold off on reconstruction for a while until I can find a doctor who can. Or I may simply go out of Decatur to find some surgeons who can give me what I want.

It's simply a matter of time. As of now, it looks like I'm going to have the operation after Thanksgiving but before the beginning of next month. Stay tuned....

Oh PS: The diet -

By the way, I'm sticking to low carbohydrates, although I'm not restricting them as much. I deliberately ate some candy Friday (I figured what the hell) but it made me feel bad. I decided to add fruit to my diet, and eat more overall. I was surprised when I weighed in at 136 this morning.

I definitely don't want to stress out my body when I start recuperating by trying to lose weight but I enjoy how well I think and feel too much to start eating high carb again. I have to make it a point to eat more.

Gunnery Sgt. Ermey's Inspirational Quote of the Week

R. Lee Ermey, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

"[Y]ou unorganized, grab-asstic bucket of civilian garbage! Drop and give me twenty!"

Ileana is staying at our house right now. Brenden thinks she's the bees knees because she'll get on the floor and play with him. We took him to Target Sunday for some shopping - I stocked up on some things like toilet paper, diapers, laundry detergent, etc. so that we wouldn't have to worry about running out while I'm recuperating. Brenden grabbed the shopping cart from me and insisted on pushing it around the store. He actually pushed it around until we got to the toddler clothes and he started grabbing things and throwing them in the cart. I kept saying "no, honey, this is for girls" or "no, this isn't your size" but eventually we settled on this cute pirate tee-shirt and a Lightning McQueen bathrobe. Brenden has swung into the "NO I DO IT!" phase of toddlerhood. He even managed to put on his own pants a couple of times this weekend.

Ilu will either stay for the operation or she will leave Tuesday morning, depending on when I will be scheduled. Jon and I have an appointment this afternoon where we will gather some more details about what's going to happen. Tuesday afternoon I'm scheduled for a consultation with the plastic surgeon for the reconstruction phase of the operation. What fun. Stay tuned...

What's Next

Cleaning the comb, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

I wrote yesterday's post but didn't post it until today because I thought it was too melodramatic. I decided to because it's a good reflection of my mood just before my doctor's visit.

I spent yesterday calling and emailing people so most people reading know my biopsy shows breast cancer. the cells are 'pre-invasive' which I think means that they have their axes sharpened, their ballistas loaded, and are getting ready to storm the gates but haven't actually left the ducts they are lurking in.

There is no lump, or mass, but it's scattered about so my right breast is getting removed. Funny enough most women with breast cancer get it in their left breasts. Well most women are right handed and I'm a southpaw. Coincidence?

So here's the deal - I have 2 doctor's appointments on Monday and Tuesday. They are with the general surgeon (the man who did my biopsy) and a plastic surgeon. Basically after the mastectomy they are going to do a tag-team switch and then the PS will do some reconstructive surgery. I'm not sure when the surgery will be yet, but I think it will be sometime next week or the week after.

I have to add a word about the biopsy doc - he's a real nice guy. After my biopsy he and his nurse helped me outside to the hospital lobby and he told my husband to go pull the car around and he would wait with me. He did wait with me, not his nurse. That surprised me. He was pretty sympathetic too when he gave me the bad news. I seem to luck out on nice docs, or maybe they all congregate in Decatur, Alabama. Dunno.

Speaking of nice, one thing that has struck me while wading through all the web sites and literature is how supportive and loving and caring everyone sounds. Look, I'm glad my doctors are nice, and all this sure beats cold empty mechanical types, but I almost wish R. Lee Ermey would show up and tell me to "SUCK IT IN AND DRIVE ON, YOU LITTLE WUSS!!" because that would make me feel better.

Letter to Brenden Month 29:

Hey, buddy:

Mom had a big old needle stuck in her chest yesterday because her doctors saw something on a mammogram - that's an x-ray of my boobs - that they didn't like. The doc used a needle to fish out a sample of the tissue in question and they are testing it right now. I'm on the proverbial pins and needles wanting to know the results of the test.

You can't imagine how awful it makes me feel to think I might not be around to watch you grow up and start a family of your own. Your dad and I both think you're the best thing that has ever happened to us.

Maybe I'm being too melodramatic, but a part of my mind always remembers Asimov's law: If the chance of something happening is one in a million, it's going to happen to one out of every million people. Isaac Asimov, by the way, was a science fiction author who died of AIDS - he contracted HIV from a blood transfusion, so he got a full ironic dose of his own law.

Yeah, I'm kind of melancholy right now. I'm real glad your grandpa got better from his battle with cancer, so I'm not completely down.

I've done a pretty good job this last month of reiterating your progress, especially in language. You now will pester me with "MAMA! MAMA! MAMA!" all the time but that's ok. And might I add you have slept through the night 7 nights in a row now. THANK YOU!

So, I'm going to post a list of authors (in no particular order) I read or have read. All of them are listed because I have read their books over and over and over. Some of these authors I can't really read anymore (my tastes have changed) but they sure kept me entertained.

1) Ray Bradbury
2) Isaac Asimov
3) Harlan Ellison
4) Alistair Maclean
5) Robb White
6) Stephen R. Donaldson
7) Stephen King
8) Edgar Rice Burroughs
9) Michael Moorcock
10) H.G. Wells
11) Dan Simmons
12) Clive Barker
13) William Gibson
14) J. K. Rowling
15) John Varley
16) Robert Jordan
17) George R.R. Martin
18) Joe Lansdale


Just because I read them over and over doesn't necessarily mean they wrote my favorite books. Matter of fact, the first three I list, Bradbury, Asimov, and Ellison, wrote short stories. Look these folks up when you want something to read, little guy.

Great News About Dad

3 Generations, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Ilu just told me my dad's tests came back all clear - after all those months of chemo and pills there are no signs of cancer. I am so relieved!

As for my biopsy, no word yet. The doc did say either today or tomorrow (I have a follow-up tomorrow afternoon anyway; I presume to make sure my puncture wound is doing ok).

Brushing kitty in the sunlight

Brushing kitty in the sunlight, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Brenden Update:
Ever since his "Mama wagh! Mama wagh!" incident last Thursday when he told me he wanted some light in his room he has slept through the night. That's right; in a totally unprecedented streak, ever since I put a nightlight in his room he has slept through the night without waking us up !!!4 NIGHTS IN A ROW!!! I haven't slept this well since before I got pregnant. Also, instead of crying, he woke up at 5:30 (damn time change), and stood at the gate and said "Mama. Mama! Mama? Mama! Maaaaaamaaaa,...." So of course I got up and let him out. I think he's getting the hang of this whole "language = communication" paradigm.

Diet Update:
Ever since my first initial weightloss of 10 pounds (most of it water weight, I know), I stalled out but lost half a pound last week. You know I don't care if it takes 6 months to get back to 130. I'm not hungry, I'm sleeping better (especially since buying B's nightlight), thinking better, smelling better, have more energy, and am just generally in a better mood. I think my weight loss will accelerate a little bit once I start exercising regularly again. And you know what? If it doesn't no big deal. Besides, I have lost 10.8 pounds in the last 4 weeks so I'm not really complaining.

Sunday Posting

Let's see... I have listed several reasons why I like my diet: I can think better and I have more energy. Now I think I have another reason: my sense of smell has improved. Srsly! I really think it's the diet!

The reason I can't smell is because my sinuses still experience some level of irritation so they are swollen. If they swell past a certain point, no smell. Well one of the things this diet does is you lose a lot of retained water especially when you begin. I noticed my arms don't swell as much in reaction to my allergy shots any more, so why not my sinuses? My face isn't as puffy either, especially in the morning.

My biopsy is Tuesday morning, BTW.

I guess I should blog on the weekend, too. Hmmm. Hmmmmmmmm. Went to Wal-Mart today.
Hmmmmmmm...............

moarfunny pictures

Yo, wazzup?

Yo, wazzup?, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

November is Blog More Month, so be prepared for more B updates / diet updates:

B Update: He cried at bedtime, but he asked for a light (Mama wagh! Mama wagh!). Is this why he takes a while to settle down? I didn't have a nightlight, but I had a little flashlight that I put under his pillow. He slept through the night.

B Update 2: Jon tried to put his shoes on him this morning and B grabbed the shoes and yelled "NO MAMA DO IT!" Then he ran and found me.

B Update 3: Jon and B sing "You are my Sunshine" at night now together. Sort of:
"You", "you", "are" , "aa", "My" , "my" , "Sun" , "Nu", "Shine" , "Ni" etc. etc. It's totally adorable!

Diet update: STILL NO CANDY! NOT A BITE!

Ninjas: 5, Pirates: 2

IMG_1365, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

The pirates lost this year! Oh, yes: Skank Hos: 7 so I guess they won. WTF is it about girls dressing up as sluts? That's not a costume! Witches and Faeres are costumes!

Anyways Jon took B out. I expected them to be gone for 15, maybe 30 minutes, but they came back an hour later and Brenden was lugging a pumpkin full of sweets. He wanted to keep going, too. B totally enjoyed begging for candy!

I didn't watch anything spooky because the scariest film that was showing at that time was Showgirls so we watched The Incredibles.

I didn't eat a single piece of candy, not even a stray M & M.

Oh by the way, B is dressed as a monkey.

Best use for Bread

Food, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

The biggest problem with low carbohydrate diets is repetition. I am beginning to think this comes about because we are accustomed to varying our high carb foods. We get potatoes baked, mashed, hashed, french-fried, pan-fried, etc. Rice is more plain but there's still all kinds of flavors in your Rice-A-Roni aisle. Then there's flour - biscuits, rolls, pastries, croissants, cookies, and pastas! Pastas themselves come in all shapes and sizes and can be put into salads and doused with red, green, and white very yummy sauces (and I'm sure I'm missing some flavors/colors - don't forget mac and cheese, either).

The other side of the problem seems to me that the meat and veggies part of the meal equation seems to get overlooked. People tend to stick to chicken because of the higher price / fat content of pork and beef. Sometimes some fish and shellfish get thrown in the mix but we've been warned off of that too because of mercury. Veggies just get a bad rap because few people really like to eat them.

As far as I'm concerned, no meat is off-limits, except whale and human (I might modify those exceptions should I survive a plane crash in the Andes - I'm just saying!). Not that I'm going to go out of my way to look for monkey meat. The meat portion of the equation, for me, was that easy to solve. I no longer worry about price, I just plan ahead what we're going to eat more carefully and my grocery bill hasn't gone up. As far as chicken goes, we all prefer chicken thighs/legs to chicken breasts. Thighs are just tastier and are much harder to overcook.

Veggies are the hard part. I like vegetables. I've even learned to love broccoli. Getting Brenden and Jon to eat them is tough. Jon will eat salads, and vegetables cooked in stir-fry (in other words, coated w/ corn-starch gravy. I take my portion out of the wok before I add the corn starch and that solves that problem). Brenden will eat peas, sometimes green beans, and if I douse it with enough salad dressing, he has been seen eating romaine lettuce. so basically we eat a lot of salad. I have green onion, cucumbers, and snow peas mixed in to whatever bagged lettuce I buy. I stay away from iceberg. We all prefer romaine.

So usually I plan meals around either a single pot, like a stew or a stir-fry. Brenden will always pick the meat out of both. He loves Thai and Indian curry. I adore Thai curry because coconut milk is low carb (hooray!). If I fix Indian curry I usually take my chicken out of the pot before I add the curry mix (loads of flour). If I'm making a roast, burgers, steaks, or something like that, it's usually pretty easy for me to create a starch dish for them and an extra pot of some tasty veggie for me.

That reminds me - you know what rocks? Turnip greens with diced turnips. I use the frozen ones so I can season them myself. I usually fry up a diced strip of bacon, drain off most (but not all) of the grease, add a cup of water, 3 diced garlic cloves, and the greens and cook for 20 minutes. You know why it rocks? Decent fiber and protein counts, as well as lower carbs. I usually eat mine with tabasco instead of vinegar but that's me.

But I am always hunting different things that will work in low carbohydrate diets without resorting to frankenfoods. If it's going to take me 10 minutes to read the damn contents on the labels then its a frankenfood. In the last week I have found several:

1)Shirataki tofu noodles - these might be considered frankenfoods but really the ones I have found only three ingredients listed, all of which I can pronounce. These are low carb, low calorie, low fat. People are generally divided about their texture. When I first tried them, I found them a little chewy, but not bad. It took me a few bites to recall what it reminded me of: soft cartilage. Anyone who has had the misfortune of seeing me eat chicken wings knows I love cartilage (and marrow), so I like them. I had them with spaghetti and meat sauce (little sauce, much meat). They are quite filling.

2)Low carb tortillas - these are one of the few survivors from the low-carb fad because unlike most other low carb foods, these are tasty. You can't cook them in any way, though so don't bother to try to make them into chips. Then they taste like cardboard. But these fill that I-want-a-sandwich niche quite nicely. I made a ham-cheese-romaine-tapenade wrap Sunday that was very yummy.

3)Tapenade - it's chopped olive spread. I'm an olive freak so I had no problem trying it when I first heard of it.

4)Smart balance peanut butter - Very thick, with flax seed oil. I spread some on a low carb tortilla for a sandwich. I loved it.

I'm always going to be hunting for more and am open to suggestions. Except on the weekends I am really pressed for time and I have to cook around 3 people's tastes.

Good Calories, Bad Calories

Good Calories, Bad Calories by Gary Taubes, originally uploaded by livinlowcarbman.

This is in response to Nancy's comment, and a recommendation for anyone concerned about food: Good Calories, Bad Calories is a fascinating look at the cholesterol debate (a debate no one should even think about until they understand what cholesterol is), "western" diseases like diabetes, hypertension, and heart disease, and of course, how mercilessly the few people who think these problems are caused by refined carbohydrates are beaten down. It's wonderful inspiration for us who embrace the carniverous side of their natures.

But now it's recipe blogging time!

No-Roux Gumbo

"No roux? That mean's it's not gumbo!" Sure, fine, whatever:

2 Smoked turkey legs ($2 to Emeril - these are tasty!)

1/2 cup each diced onion, celery, green bell pepper (the holy trinity) or 1 small onion, 3 stalks celery, 1 bell pepper if you aren't anal.

3 diced garlic cloves

1 bay leaf

1 teaspoon ground thyme

1 1/2 cup chicken stock

1/4 cup dry white wine

2 tablespoons olive oil


Stick turkey legs & chicken stock in a crockpot. Cook on low for 4-6 hours, until the meat is easily removed. Take meat off & set aside. Place everything not meat from the legs back in crock pot & cook on high for 2 hours. Yes, you can add some more veggies to the crock pot for even more flavor in the stock. I didn't bother. In the meantime dice or pull the meat & chop the veggies.

Once 2 hours are done, strain out the remains & reserve the stock. There should be little fat so don't worry about removing it. The first time I made this I put the stock in the fridge to solidify the fat for removal but there was so little (just tiny beads) that next time I won't bother.

Put olive oil in big pot (dutch oven works nicely), heat medium high, and saute trinity veggies until translucent. Then add garlic. Not before. Stir some, add white wine. Stir some more while alcohol burns off.

Add chicken stock, bay leaf, and thyme. Once it is boiling add turkey back. If it seems like you could use more liquid, add some water or chicken stock. Part of the reason for cooking the bones for so long was to get all the collagen which should have thickened the stock a little. I like the consistency of the gumbo a little thicker than stew hence so little liquid. The flavors are so concentrated that I didn't miss the gravy. Matter of fact there's so much collagen that the leftovers I had in the fridge popped out of the tupperware like one big mound of jello.

Anyway, cook that on low for maybe 10 minutes or so, adding salt and pepper to taste.

As you may have noticed, this recipe is somewhat low-fat as well as low carb. You can always do what I did - during the veggie saute I threw in half a pound of andouille sausage (YUM!). Ham, bacon, or Kielbasa are also welcome.

If you have family members who are gritching about lack of gravy, have a bottle of filé powder ready for them. They can sprinkle it in their own stew until it's thick enough. That's how gumbo was served originally, anyway. You can also make a batch of rice for those more inclined to eat carbohydrates.

Not Even Closely Related

dontleavethepath, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Back on the Hamster Wheel:

I find it totally amusing that I have been doing the diet yo-yo for about 10 years now. I lost weight accidentally when I started skydiving (down to 117 pounds); bloomed back to 135 (about my normal weight forever), then the wheel began. Am I mixing my metaphors? Sorry.

Here's the thing: I gained an enormous amount of weight during my pregnancy. Once Brenden was delivered and everything settled down, I weighed in at over 170 pounds. It took about a year and a half but I was able to get as low as 129. It wasn't slow and gradual; I would bite the bullet, eat low calorie, lose about 15 pounds, take a break, gain 5 back, and the process repeated itself.

I could not get below 129. It wasn't because I hit a plateau, I simply got sick of starving. I hit 129 at the beginning of this year and once again I slowly expanded to 149. I tried what I tried before but I was hit by something I didn't have that many problems with before and I was hit by constant ravenous hunger.

It's not a mystery; I had a secret weapon in my arsenal before and it was ephedrine (not ephedra, ephedrine. There is a difference). I can't take a drug like that indefinitely so part of why I bloomed back is because I was no longer taking it. Every time I made the determination not to diet with it I couldn't handle the hunger (ephedrine dulls appetite).

I decided I wouldn't be able to lose weight until I got the appetite back under control, but ephedrine this time around was giving me headaches so I stopped. I had to find a non-pharmaceutical way of controlling my appetite.

I told you that to tell you this: I read this blog entry and it convinced me to go give a low-carbohydrate diet another chance.

Yes, I've heard plenty of stories of people getting sick on low carbohydrate diets. But I don't intend to let myself get sick. If I start feeling bad, I will modify what I'm doing.

As of today after 3 weeks I'm down to 138. After 1 week of feeling pretty awful (most lowcarb advocates claim it's normal to feel crappy as your body gets used to the switch) I have felt 2 side effects that have convinced me to keep going:

1) I'm not hungry. Matter of fact I'm so not hungry that I am keeping a journal of the food I eat to make sure I get at least 1200 calories a day. I started it because I felt faint the first time I worked out. Making sure I get enough has stopped that.

2) I can think clear. That sounds strange, doesn't it? I have had so many memory and thinking problems since my pregnancy ended it scared me. It affected my work - no it affected everything because I have had a horrible time concentrating. But I literally woke up and went to work exactly one week after starting this diet and I recall sitting there, stunned, at how calm I felt. My short-term memory has improved, my mood has improved, and I am no longer constantly tired. Sometimes I don't get enough sleep because Brenden doesn't like to sleep through the night, but I am able to cope much better. In other words, I might be dog-tired from only 5 hours of sleep but I can still function. Before I would have had to write off the entire day.

Before anyone emails me their horror stories of people getting sick on low-carb diets, do you have any idea how grateful I am that I have my mind back?

I'm not following anybody's plan. I'm eating adequate protein (at least 60 grams/day), all the damn veggies I want, taking fish oil and a general vitamin supplement as insurance, and if I'm not hitting my calorie count I eat CHEESE BABY, CHEESE!

This Photo is Way Unrelated to This Post

_MG_8734, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Tuesday afternoon after work I had a letter from the Mammogram Center telling me that my test was 'abnormal' and I needed to get in contact with my doctor for a follow-up. Of course I got to the mail box 10 minutes after the doctor's office closed so I had a sleepless night.

Yeah, I know. I had an ultrasound right after the mammogram and it was supposedly negative.

But anyway I called the doc in the morning, and his nurse said he'd call me as soon as they pulled the chart. He called me back in 5 minutes which was nice, and amazing. He actually apologized for not calling me before I received the letter. I heart my ob/gyn.

So anyway he explained that the x-ray showed some 'calcification' in my upper right breast, which is usually nothing, but since this was my first mammogram, he couldn't be sure it is nothing. The gist of everything is I will see a general surgeon on Tuesday for a consultation to schedule a biopsy. I don't know it's going to be a big old needle or cutting me open to grope around.

I felt bad Tuesday night and some of Wednesday, but now I feel okay. From everything I have read it's probably nothing.

Tantrum Boy

Tantrum Boy, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Here's something you might need to know should you be or ever plan to be a parent: Never *ever* give your already-hyper toddler a Diet Coke. That's all I have to say about that.

Random memory from College:

I remembered this today and I don't know why: One day the two women who lived next door to me and my roommate came to talk to us. They looked fairly indignant and in retrospect, I don't blame them. Apparently one weekend I had crashed at a friend's house and had neglected to turn off my alarm in the dorm room so it woke them up on an early Sunday morning. As one of the roomies said "we had to go get an RA to open your room to get it turned off!"

Of course I apologized and promised it wouldn't happen again - it was thoughtless and embarrasing but it wasn't enough for them. One weekend when I did sleep in my dorm room they did the same thing to me. I was woken up by their alarm (they must have pushed it next to the separating wall), and after a while when it wasn't shut off I knew what was going on.

I'm not as stupid as they were, however. I knew where the circuit breakers were. I flipped breakers until I heard the alarm go off then went back to sleep. That was the end of it, by the way.

Choo-Choo Belly

Belly, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

I totally forgot to mention that the weekend before last Brenden and I came up to Huntsville to see a cat show. My sister had a cat in competition; a beautiful oriental longhair. Brenden was thrilled to see so many kitties, and he talked with a lot of them("Meow!" "Meow!!" "Meow." "Meow!") and got cross when he wasn't allowed to touch them. Andrea let him pet her kitty.

He got really grumpy so we left after a couple of hours and it turned out he had a case of CTF (classic toddler fever). He was better the next day. Andrea's cat placed pretty well, but I don't understand the intricacies of cat shows to explain.

This week Brenden impressed me on several accounts: he actually used a three word sentence which did not contain the word "dada". He said "More please milk!" so of course I got him some more milk. He's also gaga for strawberries. I can't really get him to eat vegetables but he will eat fruit. He's also way into Kielbasa and roast pork. He will actually ignore mac & cheese if the protein on his plate is good enough.

He of course did several things not so impressive: one we were playing on the bed and I smelled a distinctive odor - I asked him "do you have poop?" and he deliberately lied to me and said "no". I checked and he had a stinky. I left him on the bed to get the neccessary supplies, and he took his diaper off and sat down on the bed. I guess he was trying to be helpful.

He also, after his bath last night, ran around the house nekkid for a while (air-drying - giving his butt a break from all them diapers). Sometimes he leaks and that's ok, the floor is laminate. But he chose to piddle on my foot last night. No, I didn't rub his nose in it in either case. I did make him wipe up the pee, however.

Other than that, nothing new. I did see a couple of movies:

I saw Galaxy Quest again, which I love. I did see something new so I present a full-fledged Movie Review:

Ghost Rider: Bleh. Sloppy writing, Nicholas Cage. That is all.

On the run

On the run, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

I had my first mammogram ever yesterday. I had a tiny moment of "YEEK!" when the nurse took me for an ultrasound after the mammogram. Turns out there was nothing there. The amusing part of the process was sitting in the waiting room after the xrays - all of the women were older than me and they were all bragging about their ailments, aches, and pains. Seriously! The oldest and most infirm there proudly proclaimed that she got off Noah's ark on a pair of crutches.

Brenden's new favorite word: "Mine!" Sometimes he sounds like those silly birds in Finding Nemo.

Morning Cheese

Morning Cheese, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Jon and I witnessed a car accident on the way to work yesterday - what I saw was an out-of-control SUV veer across two lanes of traffic, strike a ditch on the side of the highway, then overturn (later on Jon pointed out that it looked like one of the tires blew).

We pulled over and Jon threw his phone at me while he got out to help. I dialed 911 and babbled as he kicked out one of the windows and helped the two shaken-up young women get out of the car. I got out of our car to walk over to the two women while talking to the dispatcher. Jon later told me he had a bad moment when he saw an empty baby seat in the back of the vehicle, but the women assured him that there had been no kid in the car.

I was too excited and felt stupid. The calltaker guy needed some coherent information from me so I tried to calm down and answered his questions without rambling (I hope). I also felt like since I have had medical training (20 years ago) I should at least get close to keep an eye on the victims.

Other than nausea and cuts and scrapes (and that just-been-in-an-accident 2000 yard stare) they were ok and responsive.

Finally a police car, ambulance, and some fire trucks came so we left so that the victims could be taken care of. I noticed some things: many people pulled over to help and I wasn't the only one on a cellphone talking to a calltaker (at least I hope they were talking to emergency authorities and not their buds describing what they had seen). There are some advantages to the cell phone revolution, and I'm glad I live in a place where people will stop to help someone in trouble. Oh, and our van didn't get stolen, which is what happened to a good samaritan who stopped and helped someone in trouble in Atlanta recently. I'm still glad I moved from there.

On to Brenden news: he dragged this quilt that his abuela gave him out of his room and was playing "night-night" with it. Instead of returning it to his room afterwards I spread it out and he dumped all his Thomas the Tank Engine trains on it and plays on it like a rug, running the trains along the tracks stitched in. He has a one-track (har!) mind here lately.

We spent some time out at the drop zone on Sunday after feeding the ducks and we ended up playing "tackle mommy" on the carpets. He'd get a good running start and hurl himself in my arms, bowling me backwards. Dad got down from a jump and joined in the fun. I'd love Brenden to play baseball when he gets older but he has all the makings of a linebacker (except the genetics - you're doomed to be short, bud, despite your current size).

I paid for letting him sleep with me - he got up monday night and cried most pitifully at the gate while clutching his pillow to him. Jon eyed this suspiciously and asked me if I had let him sleep in our bed. Thanks for ratting me out, kid! The wierd thing is I never take his pillow off his bed - he uses his dad's (or steals mine).

I got him to say "wuv you" this morning! When I let him play his alphabet game on the computer he now likes to shout after the game. He'll hit a letter on the keyboard and the computer will say a word that begins with that letter and he'll shout the word back. It's totally cute ("YACHT! BAWL! DO! AYPLA!").

Ooo dada wook!

Ooo dada wook!, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Letter to Brenden month 28:

With your dad away so much in the last month, I let you sleep with me a few nights. You are a total blanket hog, hon. What's worse is back when dad was in Switzerland you woke me up one night. You were kind of growling and complaining, and when I finally turned to look at you, you were sitting up tugging at _my_ pillow.

I picked you up, hugged you, and said, "no hon, this is your pillow". I gently set you down and pulled the blanket over you and kissed your forehead.

You sat straigh up, and distinctly said "bleh!" as you picked your pillow up and flung it off the bed. You then grabbed mine, pulled it on your side of the bed (which is apparently 90% of the square footage of said bed, leaving 7% for Big Fat Kitty and the rest for me), and flung yourself down on the pillow.

I was too stunned to react, and by the time I did, a few seconds later, you were snoring. I *should* have picked your ass up and put it in your own bed. I admit it - I picked up your pillow instead and went back to sleep.

Aayyyyy!, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

What I'm Watching

I finally managed to watch the 2 new shows I was threatening to watch (in wide-screen hi-def TV, and thank you so much honey for the nifty-kewl birthday birthday present).

Both of the pilot shows were so-so, but I'll keep watching because most of the time pilot shows are too busy for their own good establishing characters, themes, and plots. It's a shame network TV can't let these elements accumulate over the course of 5-6 episodes but I understand there's a great deal of pressure to SUCCEED NOW! Of all the shows I am watching, only Lost had a pilot that knocked my socks off. And now that I'm thinking of it, the first episode of 24 was fairly good but not great. Battlestar Galactica had the luxury of a 4-hour mini-series for a pilot, and it was mediocre compared to the rest of the show. Deadwood,Veronica Mars, the X-Files, even Buffy the Vampire Slayer picked up steam as they went along.

So what am I saying? Both pilots were too busy for their own good. the Bionic Woman has an interesting premise and Katee Sackhoff so I will give it a chance to develop. It also has Miguel Ferrer as a kind-of buttheaded Oscar Goldman type. What happened in the pilot? Not much, in the sense that if you watch it tonight, I'm sure it will take a minute or two for you to catch up with what is going on.

Life is fairly standard cop fare, but it looks like one of those shows, like Veronica Mars, whose whole might be more than the sum of its parts. I mean that it will have a fairly significant story arc concerning the murders that Detective Crews was convicted of.

Things I liked: Damian Lewis (duh) and his down-on-her-luck parter Detective Reese (Sara Shahi, a very pretty woman of Iranian/Spanish descent). There's some good chemistry there. Things I disliked - they need to shitcan the whole Zen thing. Crews spent most of 12 years in solitary confinement so that he wouldn't be continuously brutalized by the other inmates and is therefore slightly off. He studied Zen and spouts it often. It's only funny when he's annoying the piss out of the people around him. It was nice to see his character go into full-bore hate mode when he and his partner are visiting a prisoner in jail and the guards taunt him. People who only know Lewis from Band of Brothers probably don't realize how well he does a hateful glare (those of us that sat through The Forsyte Saga know too well how deadly those glares can be). I'll watch, because the arc might get interesting. I mean, why would a guy who spent 12 years in prison rejoin the police force, especially after he was awarded a healthy settlement? Why to go after the people who allegedly framed him, of course.

Oh, who am I kidding? I'd watch infomercials if Damian Lewis hosted them (I'm that pathetic but I hope to Wodan that Mr. Lewis isn't).

Malaprops R Us:

People really really REALLY need to pay attention to their spell checkers! I'm on record for screaming every time someone uses 'reign' when they mean 'rein', but these really burn my ass (as does a 3 foot flame):

Well, trying to time your purchase at the exact “perfect” moment is truly a fuedal effort.

I suppose if your clocks are from the Dark Ages.

When the show began I was a little weary about this character, but not so much anymore.

I'm a little leery of tired people, myself.

(They are) sifting through Jigsaw's latest grizzly remains and piecing together the puzzle.

Apparently, in Saw IV, the bad guy likes to kill bears. That's a refreshing switch!

I'll post more as I find them because malaprops are rampart on the web!

IMG_3631, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Actually, we did not go to Sportsmans Lake this weekend and feed the quackers and honkers but a nice person sent me these photos that she had taken at the beginning of September (Labor Day, to be exact).

Jon made it home jet-lagged but in one piece. We drove him to the airport on Sunday, however, because he has to teach a class in St. Louis. He'll be home on Friday. Brenden and I consoled each other by eating all of dad's swiss chocolate.

The ratio of hours of enjoyment to dollars spent, when it comes to Play-Doh, is pleasingly high in our household. I, however, am about as talented as a kindergardener and was only able to make little balls and strings. Brenden didn't mind; he'd take my little arsenal of Play-Doh balls and pound them flat with his plastic Bob the Builder hammer or load them up in one of Duck's flatbed trailers and choo-choo them around the table (Duck is a friend of Thomas).

Brenden's vocabulary is exploding - he surprised me during one of our Play-Doh sessions, by saying "poop!" and making the ASL sign for poop (make a thumb's up signal and grasp thumb w/other fist. Pull thumb out of fist. It's a very descriptive sign). He didn't get it quite right, so I showed him how and he got it right. Then it occured to me to actually check for poop. He had a good diaper load.

I was telling Jon on Saturday that my favorite part of being a parent was showing Brenden how to do something and watching him get it. The above forementioned poop sign is one example. He has a tough time with the "L" sound so I was showing him how to stick his tongue between his teeth and make a voiced noise and he got that too (he still can't combine it with words yet so light is still "wagh"). He can operate the DVD player quite well though I do have to discourage him from touching the disks after he eats warm, gooey chocolate chip cookies. After I chase him down and attack him with a warm washcloth it's okay though.

A year ago:

Aged Cat, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

I still miss my kitty.

Jon is on his way home, none the worse for the wear (but we won't talk about his rental vehicle).

Yes, I will be watching the Bionic Woman tonight. Katee Sackhoff plays the bad cyborg (she plays Starbuck on BSG). Matter of fact, several BSG alumni are involved with this show including producer David Eick. If he can re-imagine dreck like Battlestar Pondersosa into some of the best TV going, it will be interesting to see what he does with a show I recall liking a lot more.

I'm also going to be watching Life, which is uncomfortably a lot like House only with a cop instead of a doctor. But said cop is Damian Lewis so I'm there.

The language therapist visited him yesterday and was way impressed with his leap in verbal skills. Here's the latest Brenden dialog exchange (said about 100 times the last 48 hours) :

"Dada choochoo!" (Or "dada ado!" or "dada milk!" or "dada bobob!")

"Call me mama, remember?"

"No, mama!"

Jon in Switzerland

Jon in Switzerland, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

The world is a very small place, these days. Jon just emailed me this photo while he was out drinking with his buddies after a relaxing day of jumping off mountains. As you can see from this photo, its no wonder BASE jumpers like to vacation there.

Yesterday I went to Target to get some prescriptions filled, and I thought of a little present I wanted to get Brenden for when he actually called me 'mama'. I found a little 'Terence the tractor' figure (one of Thomas the Tank Engine's friends). Brenden adores Terence. Every time the episode comes on where Terence pulls Thomas out of a snow bank Brenden will run around the house looking for Jon and I going "Ooo dada wook! Ooo dada wook! Dachoo! Dachoo!"

Anyway, I got home and wrestled with the packaging to extract the toy (that plastic is tough! You almost need a blowtorch to cut it), put it in my pocket, and went and got Brenden. He almost immediately called me 'mama' so of course besides showering him with love like an overaffectionate labrador (without all the slobber) I gave him his tractor.

He played with it all night and took it to bed with him. In the morning he asked me where it was so I retrieved it from his bedsheets and he took it with him to daycare. Brenden loves Spongebob but Terence is a God to him.

And to remark on Nancy's comment from last post: Fun with pronouns! I can see why they can be a difficult concept to grasp. Brenden, when he wants to be picked up, runs around in front of meand holds up his arms with an expectant smile on his face. He doesn't do it often; mostly after we've run to and around the park for several hours and I'm exhausted.

Breakthrough!

himom, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Brenden is not only now acquiring new vocabulary at a fairly active clip, he's saying "mama"!

Of course, he's not calling me mama. Here's a fairly common conversation:

B: "Dada, ado! Dada, ado!"
Me: (points to my chest) "No, I'm mama!"
B: (points to his chest) "I'm mama!"

One step at a time, I say.

More Randomness

swinging3, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Arr, everyone! It's Talk like a Pirate Day. I still think it should be "Drink Like a Pirate" day so that more people will participate. If you are a Pastafarian I know it's a holy day for you. Avast!

Jon is leaving for Switzerland this morning. He's going to go jump off some cliffs. It will be just Brenden and I for a week. I would love to go, but I have no vacation time, plus I don't want to make that kind of travel will a small child in tow. Jon is taking the camera and has promised lots of pictures.

He asked me, by the way, if I minded if he went. No, I don't mind. Of course I will worry some but he's a grown-up and I trust him to make good decisions. Sometime next year I plan to take a mini-vacation by myself, but it will probably be somewhere warm and near an ocean (with no cliff-jumping!). No firm plans as of yet.

Brenden seems to have some allergies - many people are suffering right now and he's had a runny nose, runny eyes, and a slight fever. It's not bad enough where I want to take him to an allergist just yet.

I forgot to mention: I took a bunch of photos of Sportsman's Lake Park in Cullman. If it looks deserted to you it's because it was 8 in the morning on a Sunday. We had the whole park to ourselves! Jon came along and he was as entertained by Brenden feeding and chasing ducks as I was.

Random Musings

sitting, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

We finished up Deadwood. I shall miss all those -ers.

I know all the trains and songs in the Thomas the Tank Engine series by heart. My favorite engine is Edward, of course.

I finally saw Mike Judge's Idiocracy. Like all of Mr. Judge's work, this movie is funny and underneath scary as poop. Imagine going to sleep one day and waking up in a world 500 years from now where the average IQ is roughly the same as Patrick the Starfish (or Beavis and Butthead, if you will). This movie has my favorite Wilson Brother (Luke). He plays an ordinairy (G.I.) Joe who wakes up 500 years in the future because of a messed-up military experiment. It's a world where the #1 movie at the box office is called ASS, which features 90 minutes of the same butt on screen the whole time punctuated occasionally by a fart. It's a world where no one drinks water - they drink a gatorade-like drink, which has electrolytes. No one can tell him what electrolytes are or what they are good for, but it must be better than water because it has electrolytes. Nobody listens to him because he talks like a fag and he also reads, which is a fag activity. Sound familiar? Getting scared yet? Mike Judge is a visionary.

In other news: Robert Jordan has died. He was writing the last book of a 12-book series. I have read all 11. My condolences to his wife, family and friends, but damn damn damn damn damn. I demand that George R.R. Martin be placed in the Witness Protection program.

In other other news: My sense of smell is now working fairly regularly now which is nice. Brenden is starting to cooperate when we try to get him to say specific words. He still draws the line at "mama", though. ("ball" "baw!" "bat" "ba!" "baby" "bebe" "cat" "kyat!" "mama" "DADA!")

Letter to Brenden Month 27:

copping a rest, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Well, Brenden; you are two and a quarter years old and you still refuse to speak anything other than Brendenese. You are picking up words here or there and even the occasional sign-language sign. You are comprehending more and are able to follow complex commands. You wanted to use your computer yesterday. You said "Dada, wagh! Dada, wagh!" "Wagh" is your word for 'light', which you have logically compounded to mean computer. I told you (as I've been telling you for almost 2 weeks) "Dada isn't here. I'm mama!" to which you will look at me like I've gone stupid, and say "Wagh! Wagh!"

When dada is home, by the way, I will respond to you calling me "dada" by saying "dada is in the bathroom/kitchen/computer room." Whereby you will head to that room to investigate instead of having to stoop to call me "mama".

But back to the computer, when you dropped the "dada" bit and just referred to the "Wagh" I said "First we must pick up your toys in the living room". Usually I have to point to each and every toy, but you picked up many things on your own. Most of them ended up in the correct boxes, which impressed me.

So I let you play on the computer. You can point and click pretty well, and you know where the "B" key is (also known as the "beeeeee!" key). I had to punish you and remove the computer, because you shut it down by pulling out the power plug. That's a big no-no, there, Cochise.

I'm very proud of you that when we walk around the neighborhood, if you hear a car, you will run up onto the grass away from the street. Yesterday you even reprimanded me for not getting on the grass. I was standing in the gutter. You told me said "dada ado!" "dada ado!" and pointed to the grass next to you. "Ado" is Brendenese for "let's go there".

You must taste real good to ants because you are finding all the ant nests around the house. You are covered with little bites. Every time we find a nest we try to kill it but the survivors manage to move somewhere else. I wish I could rent a couple of anteaters. Of course you would just chase them around like you chase poor kitty.

What We're Watching:

DSCF0089, originally uploaded by Drewnl09.

Not much, but Spongebob has a competitor now for Brenden's little toddler heart. It should be no surprise to anyone but I finally bought him a Thomas the Tank Engine dvd (narrated by George Carlin!), mainly because we caught an episode on PBS over the Labor Day weekend and he went ballistic because I couldn't play it again. Brenden already has lots of little TTTE toys, shirts, and books.

Jon and I are watching the last season of Deadwood when we can. If Brenden is still up we turn the sound down, because that is the most foul-mouthed show *ever*. Nevertheless I'm still cringing thinking about the day he calls his babysitter a "c--- s---ing c--t".

Despite the vulgarisms, Jon and I realized how much we love the show because we really missed the characters. The two protagonists (and occasionally antagonists) are Al Swearengen (Ian McShane) and Seth Bullock (Timothy Olyphant). While Al, a saloon keeper, was ostensibly introduced as the bad guy and Bullock as the good guy, (he sets up shop in Deadwood to sell hardware but eventually becomes sheriff), they've traded places and allied occasionally throughout the series. Right now they are best buds because someone even nastier than Al, (George Hearst, patriarch of the infamous Hearst family you might have heard of) has moseyed into town trying to buy up everyone's gold mines and he has the muscle to make it happen one way or the other.

I've really come to love Al, even though he is one evil sumbitch. He is such a howl and despite his murderous ways he is brave and follows his own code of ethics. (I came to sympathise occasionally with Tony Soprano, but I never liked him. I love Al). Seth Bullock is so upright and upstanding I'm sure he poops diamonds (don't get me wrong, I like him too; especially when he gets his sense of justice all in an uproar. There wasn't one person watching who didn't cheer when he hauled Hearst off to jail literally by the ear).

But it's not just them; there's the ill-fated Wild Bill Hickock (not a spoiler if you know your history), his friends the decent Charlie Utter and the wonderfully loopy but good-souled Calamity Jane (she's our favorite). There's also Doc Cochran (Brad Dourif in a non-slimy role) who saw way too much during the Civil War and has perhaps the biggest heart in town (and pays for it).

I really care about these people and what happens to them. I curse the powers-that-be at HBO for cancelling this most excellent show. Now that they've cancelled David Milch's John From Cincinnatti (no offense Mr. Milch, but that cancellation was warranted), maybe he can get around to making those Deadwood movies he promised us to wrap up all the story lines.

Labor Day

Hi dad, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Brenden and I had a semi-busy weekend. Friday we ran to the park near the house and investigated many rocks, leaves, pine cones, and small animals. Brenden passed by a slide he had fallen off about a year ago (I swear I looked away for only a second!). He pointed to it and said "Ow!" and rubbed his butt with his other hand. (He fell on his ass). Pretty darn good memory!

I really can't remember what we did Saturday. I'm sure it had something to do with shopping and swimming in the pool. Sunday morning I went out to tackle some overgrown bushes in the back yard when I heard Brenden screaming. I ran to him and found a swarm of ants on his feet. Poor kid was standing in an ant's nest! I took him inside and slathered his feet with hydrocortisone and gave him some benadryl. He was out of it for most of the day - not sleeping, but not really active. I used the time to catch up on some couch potatoing and finished William Gibson's 'Pattern Recognition'. Science has finally caught up to his fiction so he's writing modern-day thrillers now.

Brenden made up some time on Monday, when we went to Sportsman's lake park in Cullman. It's a nice SHADY park with a little lake. The lake has a duck and goose population that are spoiled by people feeding them bread and crackers. Some folks were good enough to share their bread with Brenden. He got a big kick out of feeding the ducks.

In other Brenden news he has another tooth coming in. He's not supposed to get another one for a while, but he's got another upper molar peeking out. He's also still refusing to say 'mama'.

Under the Table

under the table, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

I know what you're thinking: "Sheesh! Is she ever gonna update?"

Not much is happening. Brenden finally had his first speech lesson. We've been instructed not to respond to him unless he uses the correct words, like I need to stop responding to him when he calls me "da-da". That's going to make for a long weekend.

Is there anything else happening? Nah, not really. Have a great holiday weekend, everyone!

More swimming lessons

More swimming lessons, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

I've mentioned before that el jefe and I have spent most of our outdoor time in the pool during this scorching month. Unlike previous years, I have enjoyed the pool a great deal this year. Usually around this time I would have begun to neglect the pool out of disinterest and it would be muddy green but it looks pristine blue right now.

I guess the big difference is how much Brenden enjoys it. He is comfortable with those little inflatable water wings and he paddles around like he's been doing it his whole life.

We had a thunderstorm roll through Friday afternoon and it was cool enough we went out on the front porch where I blew bubbles and he chased them. He also wanted to go run up and down the street, which we did. It was too late for us to go all the way to the park, but we ran (and I do mean run, that little guy is fast!) for a good 20 minutes or so.

Saturday was Jon's birthday so I baked him a cake and B and I spent a little time with him at the DZ. They were superbusy so we left before 10. Then we came home and swam, swam, swam. We started Sunday off with some swimming, too. Matter of fact we spent several hours in the pool. Then came lunch and some Spongebob and I finally got Brenden to nap for a while. I planned to take him back to the pool after dinner (spaghetti!).

We went out at about a quarter after five. I had not been paying attention to the weather, and it was getting cloudy. I told B we'd stay as long as I didn't hear any thunder. I was thinking the clouds would pass to the east of us, but the pattern was screwy because the clouds decided to blow from the southeast to the northwest. I heard thunder so B and I went indoors much to B's dismay. I let him play in the bathtub for an hour and he was happy.

That was our weekend; pretty much like all the weekends of this summer.

BUUUUUUURP!

buuuuuuurp, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

What we're watching:
Brenden doesn't insist on his train DVD so much so we're back to a steady diet of Spongebob. We've also managed to see a few movies recently:

Scary Movie IV The less said about this one the better. Hey, you watch The Alphabet Train 7,421 times in a row and see how desperate you get!

300 I knew I was going to like this movie but really I loved it! It has everything I love about movies: Men in very little clothing yelling at each other. The Spartans were wearing things kind of like tighty whiteys (except brown) and red capes, greaves, and helmets. And big honking shields. And swords and spears.

Apparently "Sparta" is a greek word meaning "badass mother[BLEEP]er" as a group of 300 Spartans, led by King Leonides, held back a bazillion Persians led by King Xerxes at the battle of Thermopylae. They held out for 3 days before being betrayed (hope I didn't spoil it for you) but Xerxes' highly disproportianate losses helped defeat his desire to extend his empire into Greece.

The movie does go into Spartan society just enough to see how such men were raised - I was surprised to discover that Spartan women held more status than I previously thought (I got that from reading, not from the movie, which I originally thought was exaggerating to make the Spartans more sympathetic). They certainly held more status than Athenian women, and could even hold land (a common occurence in societies where men died off at a pretty active clip). Women who died in childbirth were given the same honor and burials as men who died in combat.

A quick side note here: I don't mind cultures that regard women's number 1 duty is to be mothers so long as they honor their women. Cultures that insist on treating women as crap are the ones that piss me off. How anyone can justify treating their mom so bad is beyond me.

Anyways, awesome movie! Bloody, stylistic, and many buff bodies. Hoo-ra!

Letter to Brenden Month 26

dada!, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Little dude, why are you so stubborn? I know you can learn new words; just last night you were saying "cheep cheep cheep!" along with the little chicks in the Barnyard Dance book you like so much. Yet you will get all shirty with me if I ask you to say "mama".

So as you stubbornly refuse to learn more words, you stubbornly work on your swimming. We go into the pool every day (and in this weather, I am insanely happy we have one) and you have started to kick around the shallow end (wearing a ring floatie). You will chase me or dad in slow motion and that's more fun than a train-load of monkeys.

All aboard

allaboard, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Our semi-impromptu trip to Chattanooga was fun. We met up with Mark, Nancy, and Anthony and ate breakfast at the hotel's restaurant (fantastic hash - how many times do you get to say that?) then missed the first train at the museum. We wandered around the parked train cars for a bit in the scorching heat then hid out in the depot for a while.

The steam train WAS!!! AWESOME!!! That wasn't B's reaction, that was mine. I've never seen a steam engine that actually ran and it was *n*i*f*t*y. Brenden got a kick out if it too. After the choo-choo ride we all went to eat lunch at an available Applebee's. Brenden decided to sleep for most of it but woke up in time to devour his corn dog. Brenden is all about corn dogs. I was totally impressed with Anthony, who wanted fries but was denied because of his peanut allergy. Me, I would have thrown a conniption fit at his age. Anthony was disappointed, but didn't go into hysterics or anything.

It was a fun, relaxed, absolutely scorching week and I always enjoy seeing my old friends.

The Tick (paraphrased)

The Tick 2, originally uploaded by celiathepoet.

From an old friend; the best quote about parenting. Ever.

Everybody was a baby once, Sandra. Oh, sure, maybe not today, or even yesterday. But once! Babies, chum: tiny, dimpled, fleshy mirrors of our us-ness, that we parents hurl into the future, like leathery footballs of hope! And you've got to get a good spiral on that baby, or evil will make an interception!

I has a cell phone!, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Brenden's finger is doing fine - he has a black fingernail, of course, but he's using it normally. The nail looks like it's still growing so that's a load off my mind.

We bought a new refrigerator and let me say right now I will never buy a Kenmore again. The old one's compressor went out, a couple of months after its 5 year warranty. Boo!

We discovered a new vocabulary word of Brenden's: "Boat!". It figures.

What we're watching:

While surfing around 2 weeks ago I caught a nifty little episode of 'Extreme Machines' about steam trains on the Discovery Channel. Brenden went absolutely bananas while we watched it and so far, I think I have had to watch it about 1,542 times. In desperation I bought him a DVD called 'The Alphabet Train' which is more kid oriented with a bunch of trains and have watched that about 5 times through with him. About the only way I can distract him from choo-choos is with some Spongebob, and Nickelodeon finally started showing some new ones.

El Guapo

Happy Kid, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Jon is replacing the Evil Child-Eating Garage Door Openers as I type; we went and bought new ones last night and I'm ashamed that we didn't do it sooner because the price wasn't that bad.

The fridge also decided to die over the weekend and the fridge guy should be out to look at that today, too. I'm glad we have a chest freezer.

Brenden is doing good. I was real worried about him being in pain because he was prescribed only about 3-4 days worth of Lortab, but he is cruising along fine on Advil now. His finger, while a nice shade of purple, looks better than expected. I won't post pics - while I'm amused by adult boo-boos, little toddler boo-boos make me want to throw up until I'm inside out.

For some reason, Brenden has finally gotten a case of Velcro-to-mommy-itis. He has never had problems with me leaving before but the last week (it started earlier than his run-in with the garage door).
He also insists I stay with him while he falls asleep.

A quick note on Tampa: my dad is doing pretty good; the chemo is tiring him out but overall he doesn't look much different than the last time I saw him. I have never been to their new house down there and it's very nice and right next to a golf course. Brenden and I wandered over there a few times to walk around (with no golfers around, of course). Dad & Ilu have a pool so of course we spent a lot of time in there.

We also visited the Florida Aquarium, and while it's small compared to the other ones I've seen (Baltimore, Chicago, Chattanooga, Gatlinburg), it's impressive and worth checking out. We also visited the Tampa zoo which is freakin awesome. It was way too hot, however and B wasn't in the best mood because of it. We tried to visit the beach but the surf was rough and seaweed-infested. We managed to pack a lot into a 4 day vacation!

Ouch

happyboy, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Ugh. This entry was supposed to be a trip report to Tampa. We had a great time, thank you. Look at the photos and I'll blog about it later.

But yesterday afternoon Brenden broke a finger. It was the tip of the finger, but it was mashed flat - one of those things that happens in an instant.

I took one look at his finger and told Jon we needed to get him to the hospital. We loaded up in the van and took him to the little one here in town. I was so glad we were able to get in immediately. A nurse gave Brenden some Lortab and Benadryl, and I'd say it took about 20 minutes before it kicked in. In the meantime he was crying pretty bad.

After some X-Rays (and that wasn't fun either) the doc told us he had a small fracture. That's not so bad. He will probably lose the fingernail, and what is upsetting me is he damaged the fingernail bed, so he may not grow a nail back where he hurt it.

Once we left the hospital, Brenden was feeling the Lortab just fine and was cheerfully pointing out the window of the van and going "Ooo dada wook!" at everything. We stopped to fill his prescriptions and we ate some MacDonald's while sitting in the van waiting for them to be filled.

I didn't have much appetite but Brenden packed away just about all my french fries and took a bite out of each of my Chicken McNuggets. I wasn't that hungry, anyway.

Jon and I were quite rattled about this. Jesus, if he had broken his leg I think both of us would have dropped dead from heart attacks! Skydiving doesn't hold a candle to parentood when it comes to terror.

Fashion Model

backpack2, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

We're leaving tomorrow afternoon for Tampa. Jon found out that Southwest flies out of Birmingham direct to Tampa for some seriously reasonable prices. In the meantime:

Letter to Brenden Month 25:

I heard back from the good folks who tested you, and you 'eligible for services' in the area we suspected - communication. I am meeting with someone next Wednesday where we will draw up a plan of attack to get you talking better. Neither your dad nor I think there's anything wrong with you but maybe I'll learn some things about little kids when I meet with this guy. It will be interesting to see the full results of this test.

Ironically, I think you are getting better at talking. You love saying "Dada, woo! Aypluh!" (Mom and/or dad, look, there's an airplane!). And I love it if I ask you if you want something. You will hear an important key word in my question, whether it be "juice", "chocolate", or "cheese", and you'll say "yeah! Yayayah!"

And even though you resist trying new words, you are not above new sounds or actions, like you love imitating faces we make, or when we all brush our teeth together you picked up spitting pretty fast.

The big news of this month is of course climbing out of bed. What I haven't reported yet is you learned to climb over the gate we put up in your doorway pretty damn fast. I'm sorely tempted to duct tape you to your mattress when it's time to sleep but we'll give you a chance to sort it out. I really should have bought you a larger bed because you will grow out of the toddler bed in oh, about 3 months I'd say. We love you, monkey-boy!

messy2, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

No word yet on Brenden's testing - not that I would expect a government agency to be that fast.

We will be visiting dad and Ilu in Tampa next weekend - turns out Southwest Airlines has some pretty sweet deals on direct flights out of Birmingham.

I'm rereading the Harry Potter series in anticipation of the 7th and final book, which will be released July 27th. I am getting it from Amazon and will read it as soon as I get it otherwise I will go insane trying to avoid spoilers which I expect will hit the internet any moment now.

It's been a slow news week.

Not about the Cat

Kitteh2, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

The assessment was pretty fascinating. I was impressed, first off, that Brenden actually listened to the women who came by (one is a neighbor 2 doors down, by the way - that was amusing). The assessment involved many questions for us (us being me, Jon, and our babysitter) which ranged to how much fun my pregnancy was to Brenden's health to how he interacts with other kids (not aggressive, but not into sharing).

I can't remember all the tests - they were fairly comprehensive, but they included rattling several things where he couldn't see to see if he noticed, and seeing if he could color with a crayon in a certain direction if shown how. He was asked to match pictures of shapes to one another and he got a few of those (he aced the stacking, sorting, and shape matching). He started faltering when one of the testers set an array of objects in front of him (a brush, a cup, a shoe, a few other things) and asked him indirect questions about the objects like "Brenden, would you like something to drink?" (Brenden ignored the cup in front of him but ran to get his sippy cup). He got the "what do you put on your feet?" but missed the "would you like to fix your hair?" That's fairly advanced though.

He absolutely wouldn't answer questions about some mommy/daddy/baby dolls but I think he was losing interest at that point.

Most of the language questions they asked us, and we came up with about 10-12 words between us that he uses on a regular basis. He doesn't use pronouns, and he rarely forms compound sentences (beyond dada nana meow).

We'll find out what the results are Thursday. Have a happy 4th, y'all!

Oh, PS Helly and Alan, you are most likely right, he'd probably take to those words like a sponge to water. The last word I can think of that he learned was "poo poo!" (which he occasionally says while clutching the back of his diaper).

Stealing Nancy's Photo

Brenden & Dad, originally uploaded by nheiges.

My friend Nancy has written on her blog about her son's reluctance to be adventurous while Brenden seems to be fearless. Her son, though, has remarkable language skills while Brenden's skills are starting to lag. I'll trade you a little adventure for language, Nancy.

Seriously, Brenden's babysitter has talked me into getting in touch with ChildFind, a state sponsored program that helps screen for and correct possible deficiencies in toddlers. I know, he's only 2 for Pete's sake, but he doesn't have the same language skills most children his age have. He seems to not want to learn new words and is extremely stubborn about it. For instance, we have been working with him to get him to call me "mama", but usually he ignores us, or says, "No, Dada!"

2 speech pathologists are coming out this afternoon to evaluate Brenden. If nothing else, maybe they can give me tips on how to get him to start saying things. If they find a problem, well... I'll deal with that when I get to that point.