Results, so far....

R. Lee Ermey, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Sandy is in the hospital now, all is going good and went great. The preliminary results of the biopsy on the three lymph nodes removed came back negative, thank god. Though all of the tissue will be sent off for further testing and we should have the results in the next few days.

Sandy wanted to thank all of her friends and family that have been so supportive over the past few weeks. I can tell you that this has helped a lot and has meant a lot to Sandy to see all the people that care. We could not have gotten through the past few days as good as we did if it weren't for Ed, Illu and Stacey. Thank you very much (JM)

I can't complain but sometimes I still do - Life's been good to me so far.

Back in the Day, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Last week was Thanksgiving and I skipped the obligatory "what I'm thankful for" post. I guess I'll do it now, because I've been thinking a lot lately about some things I take for granted. Most of those things are my friends and family. I have good friends and a great family and I'm lucky because I think I ignore them too much. Ever since I was diagnosed with breast cancer everyone's well-wishes and sympathy have been a source of strength. I keep wondering how I would be handling all this if I were still single, and not making the feeble attempts I make now to keep the friends I have?

Poor Brenden is probably wondering if his mom is trying to hug him to death.

Speaking of friends, this photo is of me, Fred Stucky, and Alton Ricketsen from 1985 or so. Fred had an apartment with his girlfriend in downtown Statesboro, where we all attended college. Georgia Southern College, mind you - it wasn't a university at the time.

I don't know why, but Jon had insomnia last week and went digging for photos to scan. He placed this one up on Flickr, which Alan saw and commented on. (Helly's husband). He started ruminating about Fred and behold the power of Google: Fred's still playing music. Alan and Fred exchanged emails, then I wrote him.

Alan is another old college friend, and Fred, Alan, and I were all disk jockeys at the college radio station (WVGS, all 10 watts of power!). Fred and I (and later Alton) formed a band. I hope Fred doesn't mind but I'll quote an email he sent me:

To see you and Alton smiling and young on that hot Ga rooftop with the theater behind is just such a beautiful snapshot of a wonderful youth in a great time. I think of you every so often and how you taught me some chords and were so kind to take on bass instead of guitar. How you donated your amp so I could by a fender twin reverb. How we switched off when we played "shadowplay" and I played bass and you guitar. You had that solo down note for note. Such deep impressions these musical memories were for me. To date the only band I've been in that went from Joy Division to Elvis and Gene Vincent in the same set.

Thank you, guys, for everything. I'll have Jon post for me if I can't get internet access from the hospital (or I'm enjoying the Demerol too much).

Gunnery Sargeant Ermey's Inspirational Quote of the Week:

R. Lee Ermey, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy fucking walrus-looking piece of shit! Get the fuck off of my obstacle! Get the fuck down off of my obstacle! NOW! MOVE IT!

Nickelodeon showed some new Spongebob episodes over the weekend, and Lee Ermey did a guest appearance as a prison guard. Ah, now my life is complete!

Actually, it isn't. I have five perfectly ridiculous reasons to hang around for at least a few more years:

5) One more book in the Wheel of Time series: Sure Robert Jordan is dead but he knew he was dying and made arrangements to have it finished should he be unable to.

4) Several more books in the Song of Fire and Ice series Personally I'm annoyed by everyone in this series but I'd like to see if Daenerys will come back and reclaim her rightful throne and kick a lot of MALE ass.

3) That frickin a-hole Stephen R. Donaldson is writing another set of Thomas Covenant Books. Only 2 are out so far, and there's 2 to go. Son of a bitch!

2) Lost. Will Gilligan, the skipper, the millionare and his wife, et. al. ever make it off the island?

1) One more season of Battlestar Galactica for better or worse, I'm along for the ride these poor bastards were forced to take. Yes, I saw "Razor" last night. Holy Crap! No new episodes until March?? Augh!!!

Serious Reading

seriousreading, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

I saw Shrek 3 last night and I'm sorry to stay it is awful. The animation was fantastic - a distinct leap forward from the 2nd movie. The story, however, seemed to have been written by a bad fan fiction writer. If you don't know what I mean, track down some fan fiction of your favorite show/movie, and if they are bad enough (most are), you will feel this disjointed sensation (not unlike that sensation of just ending a bender but the headache has already taken hold and it's 5 in the morning and you have to go to work*) as characters you know and love say and do things that just don't seem right to you.

*You can tell I've been reading Douglas Adams, can't you? Don't worry, I don't write fanfic so I'll just leave that sentence as my feeble attempt and move on.

I'm down to 135 on my not-diet. I am starting to think that the 'calorie is a calorie' people are wrong - and I used to be one. I do hold that you can't lose weight unless you eat less than your body burns, but I'm beginning to think the 'insulin is everything' crowd is right.
For one thing, I do occasionally get cravings and I pig out. On cheese or ham or something like that. And I don't gain weight. I will do so should I sit down to a package of donuts, and before you say "water retention" what if I sat down to a pack of donuts every day for a week? I know I have gone days eating 2000 or more calories and the scale should definitely move up and not down if I'm eating like that.

I'm creating a defecit somewhere and it's not because I'm starving myself. If I were scientific minded, I would do some long-term studies, say go 3 months eating a 1700 calorie low-fat, high carbohydrate diet with adequate protein, then go 3 months eating a 1700 calorie high-fat, minimal carbohydrate diet with adequate protein and see what my weight does.

I have a feeling I would go absolutely bonkers on a 3 month high carb diet eating only 1700 calories, though. Plus, I'm not necessarily scientific-minded. I'll just try and stick to what's working for me.

What? I don't know. Where's the tea?

hhg, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

I have already ripped through "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" and "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe". I need to slow down - I want to bring the book with me to the hospital so I have something to do when I'm not enjoying the Demerol. Or maybe that's "while I'm enjoying the Demerol".

I recently saw the movie version. I'm still trying to understand what the movie lacked because I can only rate it so-so. The casting was spot-on, I thought, but something about the movie's tone made me think that someone involved in the film didn't get Douglas Adams or was too afraid the average movie-goer wouldn't get him. I dunno but the emphasis on a romance between Arthur and Trillian should never have been in there.

If you're a fan of the books, you're probably saying "WHAAAAAT?!!!!?" right about now. Yeah, I know! Rent the old BBC series, instead.

As you can see by the picture, my compendium looks somewhat like a bible which tickles me just fine. The re-read is funny, nostalgic, and strangest of all, sad. Much of Adam's humor is pointing out the insult that went along with injury, not to mention death and destruction. I keep having to pause and think about some of the things he wrote, something I don't remember doing when I was a college student.

But still I'm for the most part giggling my way through Marvin the Paranoid Android's moribund musings, Arthur's quest for a cup of real tea, Zaphod Beeblebrox's misplaced section of brain, rock star Hotblack Desiato who is dead for a year for tax purposes, Slartibartfast (hehehe), and of course, the Golgafrinchan B Ark. Not to mention Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters, Bugblatter Beasts, and 42.

I can't remember if it's in "Life, the Universe, and Everything" or "So Long, and Thanks for all the Fish", but Arthur in one of those books learns how to fly by throwing himself at the ground and missing. I thought of Arthur all 1109 times I jumped out of an airplane.

"Oh, Man!!"

jammieboy2, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Check out the cute jammies. You'll never see him in a one-piece set of jammies again because he officially hates them. Not too long after this picture he did his best to wiggle out of them and I put him in a tee-shirt. He much prefers the two-piece flannel jammies that button in front. He owns two pairs and would have many more if I could find them. Ileana found him a pair but had to do some serious hunting.

Brenden is in the full swing of the terrible twos. His range of behavior this weekend included spitting at me when I put him in time-out (I whaled the tar out of him - there's some things that get no second chances), and kissing my band-aided thumb because he saw that I had a boo-boo.

He first called it a poo-poo so I worked with him for a while on discriminating between a 'b' and a 'p', which are the same sounds but one is voiced and the other isn't.

His newest saying is "Oh, man!" which is of course hilarious to hear him say. He got that from Dora the Explorer which has a thieving character named Swiper the fox who says that when his plans are foiled. Which is exactly when Brenden says it. "Night-night time, B!" "Oh, man!"

Gunnery Sgt. Ermey's Inspirational Quote of the Week

R. Lee Ermey, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

You little scumbag! I got your name, I got your ass! You will not laugh, you will not cry, you will learn by the numbers, I will teach you! Now get up! Get on your feet! You had best unfuck yourself or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck!

Leave it to me to carry a joke too long. Anyways, I was in total awe of Lee Ermey during Full Metal Jacket. I have heard everything he said before, just not all in one place. Kubrick made a mistake, I think, by having him in the movie because the rest of the movie is meh after the basic training section. This also is the movie that introduced us to Vincent Donofrio, who is as wierd as Ermey is scary/funny. The only good thing about the 2nd half of the movie is Adam Baldwin, who is not one of the Baldwin brothers. Thank goodness.

Wish I were Here

What's on the Beach, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Not much to write about. The waiting game is on - 12 days until my surgery. Jon, Brenden and I are going to just relax and enjoy Thanksgiving at home this year. We're having ham because I don't much feel like deep-frying a turkey this year.

I bought a compendium of all 5 Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy books to re-read. I don't think I have read those since college, and I've never read the 5th book. Hell, I didn't even know there was a 5th book.

Jeez, I don't even have any monkey-boy business to report. I wish I could blog about my job, but I don't because I have no desire to be Dooced. The funny thing is most of what I have to say about my job isn't bad at all.

Surgeon Consultation #2

IMG_1362, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Sorry for the delay, but it took surgeon #1 and surgeon #2 this long to coordinate a surgery time. It's going to be Wednesday, November 28th.

Surgeon #2, the plastic surgeon, agreed with me on the implants because I really don't have enough tummy to tuck, and I just absolutely balked at having my latissumus dorsi (rowing muscle) moved. He's going to use an expander and I'll have a permanent implant placed 3-4 weeks down the line. He thinks a 2nd implant, a small one, will be needed in my other boob, to help me look symmetrical. Nifty. Get breast cancer, come out of it with a bigger rack.

I'm happy with my decision. I should be in the hospital for 2 days, and out of work for 3 weeks should everything go as planned. Now it's just a matter of waiting.

Surgeon consultation # 1:

B's jacket, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

I haven't learned anything new; just some technical terms for my condition. Apparently there are 15 types of breast cancer, and I have one of the most common forms called Ductal Carcinoma in Situ which means the cancer is in the breast ducts, and is non invasive (hasn't left the ducts yet). The reason I'm having a simple mastectomy of my right breast is because the indicator for DCIS is microcalcifications (exactly what it sounds like) showing up in a mammogram. I saw the mammogram yesterday and it looked like my boob was hit with really tiny buckshot all over the place.

The mastectomy will be simple, in other words there should be no muscle removed. 4 or 5 'sentinel' lymph nodes will be removed for biopsy. Those are the lymph nodes that would be the first to receive drainage from the tumor(s).

The mastectomy is the easy part; the harder part will be the reconstructive surgery. I have an appointment this afternoon with the plastic surgeon who will be performing the operation, and I have basically decided this: I do not muscle from another part of my body used to help reconstruct my breast because I am really bothered by the idea of becoming weaker just to look normal. Therefore I am going to ask for an implant. The funny thing is to make things even he might suggest an implant for the other breast.

If he is dead set against an implant, and I am dead set against using muscle, there is a third option which involves shaping the breast from the back, stomach, or butt tissue but involves no muscle tissue. If he can't perform this operation (it's a relatively new procedure), I may do one of 2 things - go ahead and have the mastectomy but hold off on reconstruction for a while until I can find a doctor who can. Or I may simply go out of Decatur to find some surgeons who can give me what I want.

It's simply a matter of time. As of now, it looks like I'm going to have the operation after Thanksgiving but before the beginning of next month. Stay tuned....

Oh PS: The diet -

By the way, I'm sticking to low carbohydrates, although I'm not restricting them as much. I deliberately ate some candy Friday (I figured what the hell) but it made me feel bad. I decided to add fruit to my diet, and eat more overall. I was surprised when I weighed in at 136 this morning.

I definitely don't want to stress out my body when I start recuperating by trying to lose weight but I enjoy how well I think and feel too much to start eating high carb again. I have to make it a point to eat more.

Gunnery Sgt. Ermey's Inspirational Quote of the Week

R. Lee Ermey, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

"[Y]ou unorganized, grab-asstic bucket of civilian garbage! Drop and give me twenty!"

Ileana is staying at our house right now. Brenden thinks she's the bees knees because she'll get on the floor and play with him. We took him to Target Sunday for some shopping - I stocked up on some things like toilet paper, diapers, laundry detergent, etc. so that we wouldn't have to worry about running out while I'm recuperating. Brenden grabbed the shopping cart from me and insisted on pushing it around the store. He actually pushed it around until we got to the toddler clothes and he started grabbing things and throwing them in the cart. I kept saying "no, honey, this is for girls" or "no, this isn't your size" but eventually we settled on this cute pirate tee-shirt and a Lightning McQueen bathrobe. Brenden has swung into the "NO I DO IT!" phase of toddlerhood. He even managed to put on his own pants a couple of times this weekend.

Ilu will either stay for the operation or she will leave Tuesday morning, depending on when I will be scheduled. Jon and I have an appointment this afternoon where we will gather some more details about what's going to happen. Tuesday afternoon I'm scheduled for a consultation with the plastic surgeon for the reconstruction phase of the operation. What fun. Stay tuned...

What's Next

Cleaning the comb, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

I wrote yesterday's post but didn't post it until today because I thought it was too melodramatic. I decided to because it's a good reflection of my mood just before my doctor's visit.

I spent yesterday calling and emailing people so most people reading know my biopsy shows breast cancer. the cells are 'pre-invasive' which I think means that they have their axes sharpened, their ballistas loaded, and are getting ready to storm the gates but haven't actually left the ducts they are lurking in.

There is no lump, or mass, but it's scattered about so my right breast is getting removed. Funny enough most women with breast cancer get it in their left breasts. Well most women are right handed and I'm a southpaw. Coincidence?

So here's the deal - I have 2 doctor's appointments on Monday and Tuesday. They are with the general surgeon (the man who did my biopsy) and a plastic surgeon. Basically after the mastectomy they are going to do a tag-team switch and then the PS will do some reconstructive surgery. I'm not sure when the surgery will be yet, but I think it will be sometime next week or the week after.

I have to add a word about the biopsy doc - he's a real nice guy. After my biopsy he and his nurse helped me outside to the hospital lobby and he told my husband to go pull the car around and he would wait with me. He did wait with me, not his nurse. That surprised me. He was pretty sympathetic too when he gave me the bad news. I seem to luck out on nice docs, or maybe they all congregate in Decatur, Alabama. Dunno.

Speaking of nice, one thing that has struck me while wading through all the web sites and literature is how supportive and loving and caring everyone sounds. Look, I'm glad my doctors are nice, and all this sure beats cold empty mechanical types, but I almost wish R. Lee Ermey would show up and tell me to "SUCK IT IN AND DRIVE ON, YOU LITTLE WUSS!!" because that would make me feel better.

Letter to Brenden Month 29:

Hey, buddy:

Mom had a big old needle stuck in her chest yesterday because her doctors saw something on a mammogram - that's an x-ray of my boobs - that they didn't like. The doc used a needle to fish out a sample of the tissue in question and they are testing it right now. I'm on the proverbial pins and needles wanting to know the results of the test.

You can't imagine how awful it makes me feel to think I might not be around to watch you grow up and start a family of your own. Your dad and I both think you're the best thing that has ever happened to us.

Maybe I'm being too melodramatic, but a part of my mind always remembers Asimov's law: If the chance of something happening is one in a million, it's going to happen to one out of every million people. Isaac Asimov, by the way, was a science fiction author who died of AIDS - he contracted HIV from a blood transfusion, so he got a full ironic dose of his own law.

Yeah, I'm kind of melancholy right now. I'm real glad your grandpa got better from his battle with cancer, so I'm not completely down.

I've done a pretty good job this last month of reiterating your progress, especially in language. You now will pester me with "MAMA! MAMA! MAMA!" all the time but that's ok. And might I add you have slept through the night 7 nights in a row now. THANK YOU!

So, I'm going to post a list of authors (in no particular order) I read or have read. All of them are listed because I have read their books over and over and over. Some of these authors I can't really read anymore (my tastes have changed) but they sure kept me entertained.

1) Ray Bradbury
2) Isaac Asimov
3) Harlan Ellison
4) Alistair Maclean
5) Robb White
6) Stephen R. Donaldson
7) Stephen King
8) Edgar Rice Burroughs
9) Michael Moorcock
10) H.G. Wells
11) Dan Simmons
12) Clive Barker
13) William Gibson
14) J. K. Rowling
15) John Varley
16) Robert Jordan
17) George R.R. Martin
18) Joe Lansdale


Just because I read them over and over doesn't necessarily mean they wrote my favorite books. Matter of fact, the first three I list, Bradbury, Asimov, and Ellison, wrote short stories. Look these folks up when you want something to read, little guy.

Great News About Dad

3 Generations, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Ilu just told me my dad's tests came back all clear - after all those months of chemo and pills there are no signs of cancer. I am so relieved!

As for my biopsy, no word yet. The doc did say either today or tomorrow (I have a follow-up tomorrow afternoon anyway; I presume to make sure my puncture wound is doing ok).

Brushing kitty in the sunlight

Brushing kitty in the sunlight, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Brenden Update:
Ever since his "Mama wagh! Mama wagh!" incident last Thursday when he told me he wanted some light in his room he has slept through the night. That's right; in a totally unprecedented streak, ever since I put a nightlight in his room he has slept through the night without waking us up !!!4 NIGHTS IN A ROW!!! I haven't slept this well since before I got pregnant. Also, instead of crying, he woke up at 5:30 (damn time change), and stood at the gate and said "Mama. Mama! Mama? Mama! Maaaaaamaaaa,...." So of course I got up and let him out. I think he's getting the hang of this whole "language = communication" paradigm.

Diet Update:
Ever since my first initial weightloss of 10 pounds (most of it water weight, I know), I stalled out but lost half a pound last week. You know I don't care if it takes 6 months to get back to 130. I'm not hungry, I'm sleeping better (especially since buying B's nightlight), thinking better, smelling better, have more energy, and am just generally in a better mood. I think my weight loss will accelerate a little bit once I start exercising regularly again. And you know what? If it doesn't no big deal. Besides, I have lost 10.8 pounds in the last 4 weeks so I'm not really complaining.

Sunday Posting

Let's see... I have listed several reasons why I like my diet: I can think better and I have more energy. Now I think I have another reason: my sense of smell has improved. Srsly! I really think it's the diet!

The reason I can't smell is because my sinuses still experience some level of irritation so they are swollen. If they swell past a certain point, no smell. Well one of the things this diet does is you lose a lot of retained water especially when you begin. I noticed my arms don't swell as much in reaction to my allergy shots any more, so why not my sinuses? My face isn't as puffy either, especially in the morning.

My biopsy is Tuesday morning, BTW.

I guess I should blog on the weekend, too. Hmmm. Hmmmmmmmm. Went to Wal-Mart today.
Hmmmmmmm...............

moarfunny pictures

Yo, wazzup?

Yo, wazzup?, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

November is Blog More Month, so be prepared for more B updates / diet updates:

B Update: He cried at bedtime, but he asked for a light (Mama wagh! Mama wagh!). Is this why he takes a while to settle down? I didn't have a nightlight, but I had a little flashlight that I put under his pillow. He slept through the night.

B Update 2: Jon tried to put his shoes on him this morning and B grabbed the shoes and yelled "NO MAMA DO IT!" Then he ran and found me.

B Update 3: Jon and B sing "You are my Sunshine" at night now together. Sort of:
"You", "you", "are" , "aa", "My" , "my" , "Sun" , "Nu", "Shine" , "Ni" etc. etc. It's totally adorable!

Diet update: STILL NO CANDY! NOT A BITE!

Ninjas: 5, Pirates: 2

IMG_1365, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

The pirates lost this year! Oh, yes: Skank Hos: 7 so I guess they won. WTF is it about girls dressing up as sluts? That's not a costume! Witches and Faeres are costumes!

Anyways Jon took B out. I expected them to be gone for 15, maybe 30 minutes, but they came back an hour later and Brenden was lugging a pumpkin full of sweets. He wanted to keep going, too. B totally enjoyed begging for candy!

I didn't watch anything spooky because the scariest film that was showing at that time was Showgirls so we watched The Incredibles.

I didn't eat a single piece of candy, not even a stray M & M.

Oh by the way, B is dressed as a monkey.