Kitty Come Home

cutekitty, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

We had a scare this weekend. Jon reminded me on the way home from work on Friday that he was going to take Brenden with him to the drop zone. A night to myself, o joy! After they left as I was preparing dinner, I noticed that Big Fat Kitty did not come into the kitchen to annoy me until I fed him kitty treats.

I searched everywhere for him in the house, including the attic, but he was gone. I tried to think back to the last time I saw him. I realized, to my shame, it was Thursday night. Our kitchen door doesn't close completely unless you pull the knob hard. That door leads to the garage, and kitty is adept at opening the door and sneaking in the garage.

I figure he must have snuck out, then left through a garage door and was locked out when we closed the garage doors for the night. I can't remember kitty trying to sleep on my face Thursday night nor trying to trip me the next morning when I was getting breakfast ready so it must have been Thursday.

I had planned to work through a six-pack while playing BioShock again but instead I walked through the neighborhood asking my neighbors if they had spotted a really big black and grey kitty. No luck. I did finally go in, drank a few beers and played a little but my heart wasn't in it. Poor kitty. I left a garage door open and I kept going into the kitchen to see if he was there.

I did some more searching in the neighborhood on Saturday and as the day wore on I got sadder and sadder. You have to understand, Big Fat Kitty is sweet but stupid and has lived his entire life indoors. I imagined him getting squished, or running away in terror at something and diving down in a storm drain and not able to find his way out. Saturday sucked, in other words.

But around 10 P.M. that night, Brenden asked for some water so I went in the kitchen to get him a sippy-cup. After filling it I did what I had been doing at least 5-10 times and hour which was open the kitchen and yell "Kitty!" and listen for a meow. I didn't have to yell; he was sitting right there with an expression on his face like "Hey, how you doin?"

Of course I yelled "KITTY!" which brought Brenden out of his room. He yelled "KITTY!" too and scared the crap out of BFK. I did manage to coax him into the house with kitty treats. Other than being a little dusty he seemed ok. I didn't find any ticks, fleas, bites, scrapes, or other problems.

There's a Spongebob episode where his pet snail Gary runs away because Spongebob is neglecting him. When Spongebob realizes what's happened he is totally miserable, crying into his Krabby patties, and he and Patrick scour Bikini Bottom looking for Gary. About in the middle of the cartoon there's a montage with a pretty sad song:

Gary can’t you see I was blind?
I’ll do anything to change your mind
More than a pet you’re my best friend
Too cool to forget
Come back because we are family and
Forgive me for making you want to roam
And now my heart is beating like the saddest metronome
Somewhere I hope you’re reading
My latest three word poem
Gary come home

As you can imagine this freaking song wouldn't get out of my head all day Saturday! All's well that ends well, however.

Monkey Boy Wants To Swim

IMG_1759, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

What I'm Watching:

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Oh yeah, Jon and I got out once when I was out sick to see a movie. I'm glad I got to see this one in the theaters. Indy still kicks a lot of ass even though he's an old fart. Since I'm bordering on old fartyness myself I can't complain. Sure some of the action was outrageous. I didn't care. Come ON, it has Cate Blanchett as the Bad Guy! That's the real reason I wanted to see it. And I'm not allergic to Shia LeBouf so that helped. It is a nice Swan Song for Indiana Jones (and Harrison Ford's career - here's your chance to bow out gracefully, sir!).

Aaaand that's about it. I've watched a bunch of C.S.I. episodes recently but like I said earlier, it's a guilty pleasure. Guilty because I really don't care about anyone (though I've always liked how Gil is so non-judgemental of other people). But they're fun and total hooey. BSG, Lost, and Life are all on hiatus and there isn't anything good to put in my Netflix queue.

There will be in about 6 months, when all the nifty movies that are out now will be on DVD. I'd actually like to see Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk, the former because I've always liked Robert Downey, Jr; and the latter not because of Ed Norton (who is a more logical choice than Eric Bana to play Bruce Banner but I'm kinda fond of Eric) but because the Bad Guy is played by the sorely MIA Tim Roth, who was a major favorite of mine back in the 90's. The new Batman should be out shortly, and Hancock might be fun.

I'd also like to see Kung Fu Panda and (of course) WALL-E, and I wouldn't throw away tickets for Get Smart if someone gave them to me. It's an interesting year in movies. Ok, maybe not; but it's more interesting than last year.

More Fun in the Pool

IMG_1803, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

It sucks about George Carlin. He loved to point out the funny and inconsistent things about our language, including the naughty bits. The words, not our actual naughty bits, though he talked about them too. He was a joy for amateur etymologists like me, though sometimes especially in the later years he was too bitter. Despite all his cursing, my favorite bit of his is his essay on the difference between Football and Baseball. Like Football has THE TWO MINUTE WARNING!!!!! but baseball has the 7th inning stretch! Football has SUDDEN DEATH but baseball has extra innings!. Woo-hoo! we have EX-tra innings! Football has PENALTIES, but baseball has errors. Whoopsie! I made an error!!

The whole routine is a classic.

I was able to swim this weekend. I feel some tightness in my chest but I suppose that will pass, or I'll get used to it as I heal more. Brenden is now going to the potty without much prompting. He aims about as well as a drunk guy despite his shorter range so I've invested heavily in Clorox wipes. We won't talk about the time we were at the pool and he announced "poo poo!" so I got the bright idea of taking his swim shorts off before he went in the house. That was a mistake.

Joey and Erin Made Fark

Joey and Erin Made Fark, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Woo - hoo! Way to go, guys!

Surgical Procedures R me.

Patrick likes starfish., originally uploaded by wastedinthekeys.

I am scheduled for a colonoscopy July 28th. It's just a precaution because of my dad's cancer. I can't wait to blog about that, especially what I have to do they day before so that the guy with the camera has an unobstructed view!

Ed has signed up for one too, in October.

They Win!

Dad, Abigail, Mom & Sean, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Check this out: I'm related to them. Sort of. Joey is my husband's older brother. They have one son, Aidan, who is 6 months younger than Brenden. When we found out his wife was pregnant with twins, we told Joey "You win!"

Brenden has more cousins, hooray!

The Day After Surgery

IMG_1773, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

I'm ready to talk about my boobs: I knew I wasn't going to be happy. None of the options were appealing so I chose the one that I thought would distress me the least. I've mentioned this before: I chose to have reconstructive surgery using an implant on my right side as well as a smaller implant under my left breast to even things out - had I just gotten the implant on my right it would have been perky while my left would have been a normal saggy 40+ year-old boob. Now they are both perky (sort of), but bigger than what I was used to.

The right side also had nipple reconstruction. The aureola was fashioned from a piece of skin from my inner right thigh (apparently this is a section of skin that is naturally darker). Since you can't cut a round section of skin then sew that shut and have it look normal, the doctor took a piece of skin that left a four-inch long wound. the stitching doesn't look neat, either; like he was in a hurry.

Now that it's all over but the healing, the left side is bigger than the right and I think it's noticeable. I won't bitch too much. I need to drop 16 pounds anyway so maybe I can even things out that way. I'm not happy with all the scars on my body but I can't see how they are avoidable. So I'm pretty much super-annoyed about everything but I can't really enjoy being annoyed because I was lucky.

In other news Brenden's toilet training is coming along nicely. He has accidents and some days are better than others, but he's been really cooperative with the whole process. He's come along so nicely that Jon is optimistic (as am I) and we've started making plans for a cruise next year.

We're planning on going to Puerto Rico for our 10th wedding anniversary, but Jon has always wanted to do a cruise. We've decided on a 7 day Disney cruise (Eastern Caribbean, and yes that includes the Virgin Islands) in February. Disney cruises tend to be more expensive than comparable cruises, but from everything I've read they are worth it, especially if you have kids. We'll find out!

Swimming

Swimming, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Big old Battlestar Galactica spoilers for the mid-season ending episode - Scifi is going to frak with us and not show us the second half of the last season until next year, so I'm going to list here the things I want, not what I predict, because what the hell might as well shoot for the moon because Earth is an irridated wasteland! Listed from least important to me to most important:

7: I hope that the Fightin' Agathons keep on. I've always liked Athena and Helo, and nothing should separate them (nor should they lose their daughter again).

6: Because Baltar finally did something I could love him for - he saved Laura - really, think about it! I wish him peace as he and his followers go off and do their thing.

5: If Starbuck can't figure out how to treat someone nice, I hope she and Leoben live crappily every after. If she can, I hope she and Sam can figure it out. Then creepy Leoben can go hang with bitchy Tory, who deserves someone like him.

4: Lee is going to be president of whatever's leftover, we know that. He should be a male stripper - open a joint called 'the Inconvenient Towel'. Anyway, he and the only remaining Three should hook up since they are going to spend a lot of time together as the respective leaders of their people. They deserve each other.

3: Poor Saul Tigh. But hey, he has a hottie six who loves him. Not only that, it's Caprica Six! And she's pregnant! With what clearly is the final and 5th Cylon (think about it). They need to settle down together and raise their kid. They deserve each other and I mean that in a good way.

2: Bill is doomed - he can't live without Laura and she's going out soon anyway. I wish them both a good time with what little time they have left. And he and Saul better make up. Saul may be a Cylon, but he proved he's the man he always was when he offered himself to the airlock.

1: Oddly enough, this is what I want to see the most: I want to see Boomer, the original 8, make her way back to Tyrol. Sure, he married the woman who killed Boomer and had a child with her, but Boomer has been shagging a Cavil (ew) so it evens out. I don't know why, but most of all I'd really like to see Boomer back with Chief again because that would close a very painful circle.

Actually, since we're talking about Ron frakkin Moore here, I'll be happy if one or two of the characters I have mentioned make it out alive. Just one or two, Ron. Please!

Brenden at the Pool

IMG_1810, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Ugh. I'll write about my surgery, eventually. No, I'm not happy but it's not like any of my choices to begin with were going to make me happy.

So what have I done this last week, other than whine about my breasts? I finally played and finished BioShock. Twice. Fracking good game. It's a first-person shooter, most of which I don't like, but this one is the 'spiritual sequel' to System Shock 2, which was/is the best game ever. Instead of outer space, BioShock takes place in an underwater city, circa 1960. The designers were clearly inspired by 'Atlas Shrugged' and a better name for this game would have been When Galt's Gulch Goes Horribly Wrong. But no one would have bought it.

And hey! We've started potty-training Brenden. He's doing pretty good, so far. He has accidents, of course, but he's starting to get real good about using the facilities on command. I hope he soon starts asking us to use them. So far we ask him (about every 15 minutes).

more cat pictures

Just to let you know, I'm fine but not feeling up to writing much. I'm mortified by how big my chest is.

Edible Greens

Edible Greens, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

This is the Greatest!!! Theological!!! Argument!!! EVER!!!!

One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn't possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it.

An amazingly amusing bit of solipsism before my surgery


more FAIL

Here's an annoying philosophical pause - one of the not very fun aspects of undergoing surgery for cancer is spending too much time under the influence of painkillers and contemplating the meaning of death.

I have always had a problem with faith in general - once I got past the age of 12 I have had a tough time just believing in things. I'm categorized as a 'soft' atheist - I have no freaking clue as to whether a god or gods exist but that's besides the point; I don't believe in God the all-father who will give me eternal life so long as I (insert religious belief here).

I think it's the eternal life thing - living forever on a different plane of existence - that gets to me - it just doesn't make sense. I think I prefer the idea of recycling - I mean reincarnation. I'd love to come back again and try something new.

And so anyway there I was stoned out of my gourd thinking about coming back and trying again, and I was wondering, since the universe is so vast and time is so very long, maybe reincarnation isn't as far-fetched as it sounds. What I mean is that a combination of factors would come together again so that somewhere something was born that would have my conciousness.

I'm not making myself very clear. I'm not talking about my soul or my memories, just something somewhere that would be aware like I'm aware now. Argh. It's hard to explain exactly what I mean.

Then I got to thinking even further (remember, I spent December pretty well smashed 27/4) about how just long forever is, and I was wondering if the universe keeps exploding and expanding, and exploding, and expanding, and wondering if it's the same every time. Does every time the universe explodes does the planet earth get formed and evolve human beings, and around the time they label 1964 some girl named Sandy gets born? Do things change every time (meaning some times I wouldn't be born at all as my ancestors make different choices) or do we constantly make the same choices (disco is inevitable - forever and ever, amen)?

Then I got to thinking even wierder - maybe it's the same every time around but every time it's different and I have someone else's conciousness, or point of view. Meaning at one time or another, I have been / will be everyone.

That totally gave me the heebie jeebies. I've been / will be Hitler? Not to mention every single Jew that got gassed. That got me to thinking about all the murder, mayhem, slavery, rapes, and robbery throughout the ages. And all the pain. And Ryan Seacrest! Holy crap. I guess I ought to be nicer to myself.

more cat pictures

More ado about nothing

My surgery is set for this coming Wednesday. Even though it's an outpatient thingy, I'm going to be in the hospital all day. Whee! I underestimated how much time I'd be out of work. I thought it would be a couple of days but my doc said it would be at least a week, maybe 10 days.

Ed and I agreed it was a great season of Lost. We think it was because it was a shortened season so the writers kept the fluff to a minimum and just told the story they needed to. And I'm glad Ben is alive. I still hate him, but he's the most fun character on the show. And I'm happy for Penny and Desmond, although they seriously need to find a deserted island somewhere to hide out.... ok maybe not an island.

Letter to Brenden Month 36 Hooray, in 4 days you are three! We still haven't potty trained you, although you have shown pretty good bladder control (I won't go into details) lately. Please quit taking off your loaded diaper. You keep surprising me with your vocabulary, for instance yesterday, you grabbed the spatula from sink and yelled "SPATCHA!"

You are loving video games a bit too much so we decided one of the things we were going to buy you is a video game console a bit more advanced than your age (but not a Wii). If you can play Call of Duty 4 you can handle the VTech console. You also have pretty much wrecked your dad's classic game controller - the one with Donkey Kong, Galaga, Pac-Man, etc. Fortunately all I have to do to get you away fron the controls is ask you if you want to go outside. The water was 80 degrees this weekend so we swam, swam, then swam some more. Despite my decisions to the contrary this month you will be taking swimming lessons. Enjoy, bud!