One of these days I'm going to remember that these quizzes are stupid:


Your Lightsaber is Blue

Blue is often associated with depth and stability.
It symbolizes trust, loyalty, wisdom,
confidence, and truth.


What Colored Lightsaber Would You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

Week 37 - make that 14 days (or less)

Yep, I'm a slacker.

Last weekend was busy - Jon and I drove to Atlanta for my brother Ed's wedding. I did the driving; and it wasn't too bad except for some thunderstorms east of Birmingham. We stayed in midtown at the Mariott Residence where Ed and Jenn had an informal get-together Friday evening. Food and beverages were served, and we got to meet her side of the family.

All of my immediate family was there, and without going into detail, if anyone was going to get written up in Etiquette Hell, it would be someone on my side. I was embarrased for this person and Ed. Let's just say I'm seriously thinking about restricting my alcohol intake severely from now on. Having been sober for the last 8 months has made me realize how stupid drunk people behave. On one hand I can't get plastered 3-4 times a week anyway with a baby in the house. On the other I'll probably need it...

But anyway Saturday morning Jon and I went to see Revenge of the Sith at Phipps Plaza, which I found funny because way back when that's where we saw The Empire Strikes Back. It was only showing at Phipps back then because it was the only theater in town that was able to project 72mm film.

I liked it better than a lot of reviews led me to believe I would. I was prepared to be disappointed but I really enjoyed it.

So we made it to Piedmont Park for the ceremony after changing in the hotel. Jon forgot his shoes so he dropped me off and went to look for a shoe store. The one he found, he said, had nothing but "pimp shoes" so he came back and stayed in his tennis shoes. He was a little embarrassed, but they opened the bar early so a few beers erased his discomfort.

The ceremony was short and sweet, and I wish I could have seen/heard it. No big deal, I hope Ed has a tape of it. They released butterflies into the air and I watched one land near me in the nearby pond. Poor butterfly struggled, but he got his wings wet. A big ugly duck swam by and turned him into an appetizer.

Speaking of, the food was delicious! And I drank club soda on ice with lime all day. Very tasty!

I lasted until about 7pm and then I was struck with how tired and sore I was. Just for sitting! So Jon and I drove back to the hotel. I tried to sleep and Jon went to drink some more/play pool with other folks who attended the wedding.

Speaking of, Hector and Victor were there, and Hector brought his new girlfriend! She came with him all the way from Detroit. I'm very happy for him.

The bad thing about the hotel room is it's extremely quiet. Jon usually sleeps with a fan turned on but here he kept waking me up because I was snoring. Finally I got up to sleep on the couch but he forced me to stay in bed and he took the couch. I would not have minded the couch! It would have been more comfortable. But at least he got a little sleep. Life sucks when you're sleeping next to Darth Vader, I guess.

We drove back early in the morning on Sunday. I dropped him off at the DZ and I headed home and slept in my own bed for a long time. It took me the entire day to recover!

So what else is new, besides the fact that my brother and sister-in-law survived the wedding and are right now blissfully enjoying the serene beauty of the Turks and Caicos?

Yesterday I went for my weekly checkup. The non-stress test was uneventful except for Brenden got a case of the hiccups and was wiggling all over the place so I kept having to move the heartbeat monitor. The doctor was pleased. He wasn't pleased that Brenden shows no signs of dropping and he's getting bigger by the minute. Next week I'm scheduled for an ultrasound on top of the NST to see how big he's getting. Doc insists he won't let me go past my due date, and from the way he was talking, I'd say there's a 60% chance of me going to the hospital to be induced sometime next week.

So from now until I'm on a daily countdown. T-minus 14 days (or less) and counting...

I want to refrain from writing anything to Brenden yet, simply because he's not here. Well he's here in my belly but you know what I mean. But I have been thinking about all the things I have learned so far and what I want to teach my child. So here I'm going to post my....

Top 10 Universal Truths

10) Trust, but verify.

9) If there is a discrepancy between what someone says and what someone does, *always* go by what he or she does.

8) Life isn't fair. It's more fair than death however. (Hat tip: the Princess Bride, the book)

7) Don't believe everything you read/see/hear. (hat tip: Grandpa)

6) Always tell the truth. It is much easier to keep your story straight that way.

5) If someone accuses you of being selfish, he or she wants something from you for nothing.

4) Hope for the best; prepare for the worst.

3) If something can go wrong, it will. (Hat tip:
Murphy)

2) Mistakes are made. Learn from them.

1) Suck it in and drive on. (Hat tip: my drill sargeants)

I could boil all this down to: people can be shit, and shit happens. I think having contentment in my life arises from accepting these two universal truths and not letting them drag you down. In other words, see #1.

Bonus: Illegitimi non carborundum.

bird

bird
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Yay! This season's batch of birds missed the pool. Jon took this photo this morning and soon after this fella flew away as well. Hooray!

Belly!

belly3
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Get out of my belleh! It's time! LEAVE LITTLE ONE! LEAVE!!!

Week 36

Happy birthday to us
Happy birthday to us
Happy birthday Bill Paxton (and Trent Reznor and Dennis Hopper)
Happy birthday to us!


Holy mackarel. 4 weeks left; most probably less than that. Brenden will be considered "term" on Thursday, or at the 37 week mark. I shall serve him his eviction notice. Not sure how I'm going to get it to him without rupturing any membranes; not to mention I don't think he can read yet. Maybe I'll just jump up and down a lot and yell "Get out!!".

I am feeling terrific. I thought things were supposed to get worse into the last 6 weeks. Dunno why I feel so good; I think some of it has to do with the excercise I'm getting. Yeah, I'm finally being active after 5 months.

My sister Andrea came up on Saturday to visit. We had a plan to clean the house from top to bottom. I started at 8am; she showed up at 9:30 and we kept going until about 5pm. Even with all that we did not get to two rooms (computer room and weight room). Not only was everything scrubbed, vacuumed, put away, etc. we must have thrown away a half a ton of crap that has been accumulating.

We rearranged the master bedroom - Andrea has a good eye for room layout and we set things up so I no longer have a tortorous route to crawl to get out of bed. The baby's room is now ready to go - it was getting crammed with late additions and gifts and now everything is all sorted out and ready to go. I think. I hope.

All the baby books and stuff talk about the "nesting instinct". Apparently many women feel the urge to clean and rearrange near the end of their pregnancies. I think Jon is right though - I don't think it's a true instinct as much as it is adrenaline and excitement because I see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Oh! We did take a swim break at about 3pm. I did a little light vacuuming in the pool first (it had just rained and a few earthworms decided to commit suicide). It's still a shade cold but we lasted about 30 minutes. I for one loved how my back and feet quit hurting! I need a big pool floatie that will allow me to stay submerged for the most part (like an inner-tube shaped floatie) and I'll live in the pool for the rest of the pregnancy.

Sunday morning we went to Wally World for a few last-minute things then Andrea left around mid-day. She was actually verklempt when she left! I think she's as excited about having a nephew as I am having a son. I will say one nice thing about this pregancy is how much more I'm staying in touch with my family. Part of my depression has been caused by loneliness and when they come visit it helps a lot.

I spent the rest of Sunday resting and watching TV/ playing on the computer. I was deeply surprised at how good I felt - I thought I would feel absolutely lame after Saturday. And I'm feeling great today. So much so that I'm contemplating the weight room and the computer room.

I have become obsessed with the pool. Not only did I clean it Sunday, I cleaned it Monday as well. Monday afternoon I went to the pool store, had some water analysed, then bought chlorine shock and a 50 pound bag of sodium bicarbonate.

Pools always need chlorine. The sun helps break it down so you have to constantly monitor the levels in the pool. The baking soda is to increase the alkalinity which helps stabilize the pH. I'm not sure why all of this has to be done - I know that if it's not alkalyne it's acidic which just isn't good for the pool itself, not to mention irritating to swimmers. The Chlorine, of course, is for the sanitizing effect.

Jon mentioned to me that two weeks ago our pool resembled a swamp, and now we're about to go swimming in the same water. It doesn't bother me; all the swamp aspects have been shocked, killed, and filtered out. I don't worry about all the dead squirrels that fall into Hartselle's water reservoir so I'm not going to worry about our pool, as long as the test kit shows that the pool's water is in the correct balance.

Anyway, we have a pool pump with a sand filter which helps control the amount of debris. When I clean the pool I basically have this little scrubber/vacuum head that plugs directly inline with the pump. Using this big telescoping pole, I'm basically running a vacuum cleaner over the bottom. Big stuff like leaves I simply try to net.

So anyway; another good use for upping the alkalinity is that the pool is no longer cloudy. It was crystal clear all the way to the bottom this morning; I need one more good pool vacuuming then it will be ready for use. Most of what's on the bottom now are occasionaly clumps of silt and a few lone leaves. I didn't see any worms, frogs, birds, spiders, chipmunks or monkeys on the bottom.

I had wanted to clean it yesterday, as well. I kind of enjoy cleaning it. I'm outdoors, the pump is relatively quiet, I get to watch the water's surface and I get to zen out. But it's more work than it feels like because I was feeling literally lame Tuesday afternoon. My feet looked like sausages!

Speaking of, Tuesday's non-stress test went fine, although I fell asleep during it. I noticed my feet then when I took my shoes off. They looked so bad. I went to Wally World this afternoon and bought a bunch of stuff for a pedicure. I wonder if they will let me walk around barefoot at work? I wish. I also bought a small pillow, and right now my shoes are off, my feet are propped up on the computer tower under my desk and on the pillow, and I actually feel halfway comfortable.

Of course, I need to go use the potty again. *Sigh*.

Oh! In recognition of National Kill-a-Kitten month, I am happy to report my favorite Redhead has 3 movies being screened at Cannes: Brides, Keane, and Chromophobia. Keane finally has a U.S. distributor and will be coming out in the fall. I expect his British T.V. miniseries, "Escape from Colditz" to be broadcast on the Hallmark channel sometimes soon.

Week 35

Hooooo! It's getting close, isn't it? I'm doing better than I thought I would at this stage in the game, but many women have told me it doesn't really get miserable until the baby drops. Yes, he's still hanging onto my ribcage. Dangling by his feet, I might add. I feel obliged to post at least *one* more belly shot before D-Day.

I'm just now starting to see swelling in my feet and my hands - I had to remove my wedding band and I really need to buy some comfy sandal-style shoes. Which means I might want to pay attention to how my feet look. Eek.

While loading and unloading the dishwasher can be excruciating, I am surprised at the things I can do. For instance yesterday I cleaned the pool. Yes, I spent mother's day opening the pool. It's that time of year and I WANNA SWIM, DAMMIT! That would be so relaxing. And I'm not worried about it being too cold because I bet with my pumped-up metabolism it wouldn't bother me. And don't send my any #*$damn links to dangers of pregnancy vs. swimming pools or baths, etc. I will not be paying attention!

Speaking of the pool, despite that Jon trimmed back the tree next to it, some stupid bird made her nest in it again. Lady, you will *never* get your genes passed to another generation if you keep doing that!

We're going to buy a solar blanket for the pool, so I'm hoping if those stupid bird babies flounder in the pool again, I can fish them out before they die. Other than earthworms and bugs nothing too big has tried to commit suicide in the pool yet. I did spot a damn squirrel drinking out of it the other day.

I wish I could let the cats outside while I'm cleaning. I'm not too worried about them running away. As it is now I leave the backyard door open and the screen door closed and both of them lay out on the living room floor positioning themselves strategically in the afternoon sunbeams. I'm sure if I let them outside they would take two steps and fall limply to the patio in the full heat of the sun.

Drowning is a major cause of death to young children. I am going to buy a security fence about the time that Brenden learns to crawl.

Speaking of animals, my brother finally updated his blog with some fun photos of his extended family: Here.

Also: I haven't quit writing reviews. I have just been lazy about posting the links. I will be going on semi-permanent hiatus in about a week while I sort this baby business out. Here's a full list of all the movies I have reviewed. Wow, that's only 28 reviews. Out of all of them, you know which was my favorite? Spongebob Squarepants. Really.

Saw the head doc yesterday. We agreed to cut my meds to 25 mg of Zoloft for now. Yeah, I've had a few boo-hoo moments but they have been more normal - for instance I had a cry this last Sunday for no other reason than I felt left out of stuff. But the main thing I've noticed lately is I've been experiencing no anxiety. But anyways I should have posted this yesterday:

One of the reasons I haven't written so much is I haven't really been inspired. Helly and Nancy's responses to my last post gave me a little grist.

My first thoughts about Helly's talk with her boss was how embarrasing that must have been. I know she likes her boss from reading her blog. My second thoughts concern acting professional in the workplace. She kept asking for time off but he kept putting it off *until* she had a breakdown. It should never have to get that far, that's so unfortunate. I'm trying to imagine what a man would do in that situation: be more assertive when asking for time off? Get angry? Thinking about some of the things I see here men tend to be more confrontational. Maybe her boss kept pushing her because he thought he could without her getting confrontational. Not good. Maybe he just didn't see what was going on, but that's not good either.

Here's my own recent work story sort of in the inverse: when we got our new boss (old boss still there, we've just grown so we're split into smaller groups now) he asked for input about what we thought of our jobs and positions etc. I emailed him what I thought was a professional-sounding letter and I was open and honest. I made one complaint: I haven't been given enough to do ever since I announced my pregnancy and I felt "out of the loop". I explained I understood not being put on long-term projects but I knew from how busy everyone else was I could at least help someone who was bogged down.

So both bosses emailed me back to reassure me that I was a valuable member of the team, etc etc. That made me feel better. But they *keep* reassuring me to the point where I'm wondering what is going on. Are they worried that I will freak out? I know both of them are parents. Maybe their wives went haywire; I don't know. I haven't gone haywire at work; I have cried a few times at my desk but no one saw me, I don't think. Are they worried I might file some sort of discrimination lawsuit? Our company is in flux right now with a new CEO and restructuring etc. But dammit, I do feel better about my job so quit coddling me, y'all! Yes, he did give me more to do.

All in all, I can't tell if the problems both Helly and I have had business-wise have more to do with us being women or us being introverts. Maybe a combination of both? Either way getting emotional is not the way we want to communicate on a professional level. It SUCKS when you are forced to so you can get some freaking attention!

Week 34

Hey, gang! I'm having a pity party and you are all invited!

Oy, I am so uncomfortable! I can't do much of anything and I'm tired all the time and even when I can get comfortable I inevitably wake up with some aches. Whoo. 6 weeks to go; come on June 9th!

I had another non-stress test today. Brenden got a case of the hiccups. Highly amusing!

Feeling vs. Thinking

Since I became pregnant I've had to deal with some pretty strong emotions, most of them quite negative (depression). I'm not used to not being in control of negative thoughts. Take for instance - the weekend before last went pretty good for me: I was cheerful because the weather was gorgeous and Jon and I were getting along great. Then Jon got upset because he thought someone who had rented our Cessna was going to try to weasel out of paying us because of something I said to the renter. Jon had been at the A&P school, so I had tried to keep him out of the proceedings. He claimed he wasn't mad at me, but I knew he was. Normal me would have just been irritated. I would have rolled my eyes then ignored him until he decided to speak to me normally.

Pregnant me got to crying so bad I had to leave the drop zone. Jon caught me before I drove home and he apologized and comforted me, but holy crap, I don't normally act that way and I don't particularly like it! I do understand now why some women can turn the tears on and off at will. I get a hell of a lot more attention if I cry than if I just get angry back.

But still, that is not ME.

Allow nerdy me to discuss feelings: I recall taking one of those stupid net quizzes - which Star Trek character are you? I scored Data, of course. What, you think I'm Spock? Spock had plenty of emotions! He was repressed as hell. He would not deign to try new things simply because it was not 'logical'. Data, on the other hand, would willingly try new things even though he lacked the capacity to understand why people liked or hated those things. He may have lacked emotions, but that didn't mean he wasn't infinitely curious or that he had no regard for the people around him.

So anyway I remember this one episode where Data had a girlfriend, who ultimately dumped him because she couldn't stand the idea that he was incapable of feeling anything for her. Man, I was so pissed!! He tried giving her exactly what she wanted, and would never have done anything deliberately to hurt her. Ever! She just couldn't get over the idea that he didn't have emotions. The scriptwriters, I think, were on my side, because at the end of the episode, as he is sitting in his cabin contemplating her words, his cat Spot jumped up on his lap. Data started petting him, and Spot started purring. Data didn't care about what Spot thought of him, and Spot certainly didn't care what Data thought back! Data loved Spot in his way and Spot loved Data back in his own kitty way. Stupid, stupid woman.

Feelings can be nice, but are highly overrated. Okay, yeah, I got damp around the orbits during "Star Trek: Generations" when a very emotional Data found Spot, alive and well, in the wreckage of the Enterprise. And that scene where he "got" every joke he had ever heard all at once was priceless.