Week 34
Hey, gang! I'm having a pity party and you are all invited!
Oy, I am so uncomfortable! I can't do much of anything and I'm tired all the time and even when I can get comfortable I inevitably wake up with some aches. Whoo. 6 weeks to go; come on June 9th!
I had another non-stress test today. Brenden got a case of the hiccups. Highly amusing!
Feeling vs. Thinking
Since I became pregnant I've had to deal with some pretty strong emotions, most of them quite negative (depression). I'm not used to not being in control of negative thoughts. Take for instance - the weekend before last went pretty good for me: I was cheerful because the weather was gorgeous and Jon and I were getting along great. Then Jon got upset because he thought someone who had rented our Cessna was going to try to weasel out of paying us because of something I said to the renter. Jon had been at the A&P school, so I had tried to keep him out of the proceedings. He claimed he wasn't mad at me, but I knew he was. Normal me would have just been irritated. I would have rolled my eyes then ignored him until he decided to speak to me normally.
Pregnant me got to crying so bad I had to leave the drop zone. Jon caught me before I drove home and he apologized and comforted me, but holy crap, I don't normally act that way and I don't particularly like it! I do understand now why some women can turn the tears on and off at will. I get a hell of a lot more attention if I cry than if I just get angry back.
But still, that is not ME.
Allow nerdy me to discuss feelings: I recall taking one of those stupid net quizzes - which Star Trek character are you? I scored Data, of course. What, you think I'm Spock? Spock had plenty of emotions! He was repressed as hell. He would not deign to try new things simply because it was not 'logical'. Data, on the other hand, would willingly try new things even though he lacked the capacity to understand why people liked or hated those things. He may have lacked emotions, but that didn't mean he wasn't infinitely curious or that he had no regard for the people around him.
So anyway I remember this one episode where Data had a girlfriend, who ultimately dumped him because she couldn't stand the idea that he was incapable of feeling anything for her. Man, I was so pissed!! He tried giving her exactly what she wanted, and would never have done anything deliberately to hurt her. Ever! She just couldn't get over the idea that he didn't have emotions. The scriptwriters, I think, were on my side, because at the end of the episode, as he is sitting in his cabin contemplating her words, his cat Spot jumped up on his lap. Data started petting him, and Spot started purring. Data didn't care about what Spot thought of him, and Spot certainly didn't care what Data thought back! Data loved Spot in his way and Spot loved Data back in his own kitty way. Stupid, stupid woman.
Feelings can be nice, but are highly overrated. Okay, yeah, I got damp around the orbits during "Star Trek: Generations" when a very emotional Data found Spot, alive and well, in the wreckage of the Enterprise. And that scene where he "got" every joke he had ever heard all at once was priceless.
A Word From the Boss
7 years ago
2 comments:
I don't know how you feel in a pregnant sense, but boy can I relate about the crying. I've always prided myself on not being the stereotypical "hysterical female" or a chick who turns on the waterworks to manipulate people and get what she wants. So for about a year now (literally) I've been calmly, rationally, logically telling The Boss that I'm stressed, I'm near the breaking point, I need time off, I'm close to snapping. There's always one more thing or one more project, and THEN I can take time off - which has been the pattern so long that I have 48 unused vacation days. Forty. Eight. Then one Thursday, 4/21, I completely lost it. There I was, ME, sitting in The Boss's car, shaking him by the lapel and sobbing uncontrollably, "I can't take any more of this! I need a break! I can't DO THIS any longer!" So then I was suddenly allowed vacation, 4/23-5/3. Just. Like. That. Who cares if it's month-end. While I'm glad of the down time, I'm really not liking the lesson it (seemingly) teaches: be rational, be logical, act like an adult - get ignored, get nothing. Be a lachrymose, hysterical, shrieking harpy and get exactly what you want. I'm not trying to be funny about that; it truly disturbs me that no one listens to me until I throw an uncharacteristic, crying tantrum. Sorry for such a long comment, but this post really hit home.
I'm guessing that if you get more attention when you cry, it's because the person paying you the attention is a person pays attention to people's emotions in general. I'm like that. I've also had my feelings - tears and stuff - totally dismissed. I'm not ashamed to cry when I'm sad, but if I could change one thing about myself, I would learn how NOT to cry when I get angry. Tears may get attention, but they're often not taken seriously. the person responding may think, oh my god, she's crying, I'd better put a stop to that. But they're not thinking, by god, she's right, and she's been right all along! I must give this woman the respect she's due.
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