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I have a story about an old Chuck Norris movie: One boring day when I was on active duty I was watching TV in the day room and 2 male soldiers came in and started watching, too. Pretty soon Silent Rage came on, and another soldier, a female, came in and tried to pull a little rank to get the channel changed. The two guys protested. The female then tried to drag me in on it. I remember saying "I'd just as soon watch the Chuck Norris movie". She left, pissed (fortunately she wasn't in my chain of command).

I told you that to tell you this: I was channel-surfing over the weekend and I saw that Martin Scorsese's The Departed was on, and so was Silent Rage. I discovered that yet again, I'd just as soon watch the Chuck Norris movie.

Sometimes the crappy movie is better. Speaking of crappy movies, I have some good things to say about Doom, a movie based on the video game. I'll tell you the bad things first - it's a blatant rip-off of Aliens, which should be no surprise. If you've played any of the Doom games you know that darkness can provide a pretty spooky atmosphere and up your adrenaline. In a movie it's just plain annoying. Many parts of this movie were just too freaking dark! Another thing: if you're going to rip off James Cameron, why not pay attention to what made the movie good? Like making most of the characters likeable? (It's all right to have one or two so unlikable you're cheering when they get et). A few in Doom are likeable, or at least fun to look at - the rest are monster-fodder.

But the good points: Dwayne Johnson (AKA The Rock) gives a remarkable performance that's some of the most understated overacting I've ever seen. He should give lessons to DeNiro, Pacino, and Nicholson about how to deliver ham without being annoying.

The people responsible for this silliness watch too many movies so there's nothing new, but they do throw a few curveballs at the audience (not that you have to be Barry Bonds to hit them. Or even Gary U.S. Bonds. And he's like 70). For instance you would think Mr. Johnson is the hero but that's not how it turns out. And the one woman in the cast never really becomes a damsel in distress (THANK GOD) nor does she turn into a (or out to be) a badass. And of course there's plenty of squishy scenes, shootouts, and brutal man vs. monster fistfights.

Anyway, I like it way more than I should. Up next eventually, I have found a movie where Clancy Brown plays an evil Viking. I am SO THERE!!

No Respect

norespect, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

One of the gadgets we lost use of when we bought our new high-def TV was our TiVo unit. Actually we could still use it but the quality of the picture was awful. We ended up renting a PVR from the cable company but it only made us severely miss our TiVo.

Then TiVo made us an offer we couldn't refuse - if we bought a new unit they would transfer our lifetime subscription to the new unit for a pretty decent price. Sold.

We have been using the new unit and the old PVR of a while now and finally decided to turn the PVR in and install a cable card in the TiVo - needed to see any digital channels (all above channel 99) including the high def ones which is why we have been using both units.

Well, our cable company missed the first appointment (last Friday) and didn't bother to notify us - we got in touch with them. They said the truck broke down and they had left us a message. Complete horseshit - we had our phones with us because we know the cable company sucks. No message was left and I doubt the truck broke down.

So they promised to come out Sunday. They were no-shows again, and when Jon called them they said the appointment was for Tuesday. There was some confusion as to exactly what the cable guy was coming out to do as well. Every time Jon called them he had to correct them on what was to be done.

Jon stayed home Tuesday and they were late. Fortunately the proper cable card was installed. Unfortunately they cut off our access to High-Definition channels. Jon called them today and they said they would have to send someone out. Jon arranged the appointment, then thought about it a while. Which lead to this actual exchange (via IM): The rep's name was changed because I don't want to be sued:

A representative will be with you shortly.
You are currently number 3 in the queue.
All agents are currently busy. Please stand by.
You are currently number 1 in the queue.
You have been connected to Monkey.

Jon: I just setup a service call to have my cable fixed, and needed some clarification on some things.
Jon: First, here is the information for you to access my account
Jon: (gives personal info)

Monkey : Thank you for contacting [insert any cable company here]. This is Monkey. How may I help you?

Jon: I don’t understand what is going on.. I had you guys install a cable card in my system
Jon: rather than using your HD-DVR anymore..
Jon: so when he installed the Cable card and took the DVR they apparently shut off my HD package
Jon: Now the lady said they have to come to my house to set it back up..
Jon: What is it that the person has to do?
Jon: I guess a better question is.. Are they bringing something to install? cause I do not want a box.. that is the purpose of the cable card
Jon: You cant PROGRAM a cable card.. you only allow its serial number access
Jon: am done..

Monkey : Jon, may I please have your Charter account number so that I may access your account to help you with your concern.

Jon: I gave you the information above..
Jon: Jon: First, here is the information for you to access my account
Jon: (Gives info again)

Monkey : Yes. However, I need your Charter account number and your Security code for me to assist you.

Monkey : You can find your security code on the upper right corner of your current bill statement right above the statement date.

Jon: I dont have a statement here.. I havent had to do this the past 15 times we have talked over the past week.. though the 5 different appointments made and the 22 different calls I had to make on this issue..
Jon: rediculous.. just keep stalling, you guys are good at this.. I am logging into my account to get this information.
Jon: please stand by

Monkey : Okay.

Monkey : Please let me know if you are still connected to the Chat session at this time.
Jon: I am still connected..
Monkey : Due to the current inactivity length, this session will be closed. If you have additional concerns or need additional assistance, please do not hesitate to initiate a new Chat session.

Monkey : Thank you for choosing [Cable Company]. Answers to frequently asked questions and self-help options can be found by looking in the "Customer Help" menu at [Cable Company URL]. If you have further questions, please chat with us again. Our chat support is available from 7 AM through 1:30 AM central time, 365 days a year. Have yourself a great day!

Jon called instead and finally someone was able to program the cable card so we could get our channels back. Or so they say; neither of us is at home. They also charged us for an extra outlet, one of the things we didn't ask for but they had on our work order. They did not put an extra outlet in our house.

Mr. Quackquack and Son

Mr. Quackquack 2, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

That's the penguin Brenden chose at the Chattanooga Aquarium gift shop. He calls him 'quackquack'.

More Movie Reviews:

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix This installment was pretty good - I thought the people responsible decently pared the story down to get it into 2 hours. Imelda Staunton got to play Dolores Umbridge, one of the most eeevil characters ever, and she did it with the proper relish. My biggest complaint with this one is I think anyone who has not read the books will be totally lost (something my husband confirmed - but for the record he enjoyed it nontheless).

Transformers Michael Bay has found his calling. Finally he made a movie which is as stupid as his other movies but at least this time around he knows it. It's a lot of fun to watch. The transforming sequences involving the Autobots and the Decepticons are worth the price of rental alone. Speaking of renting, this type of movie makes me appreciate our new television. We wouldn't have been able to figure out what the hell was going on on a smaller screen.

Hairspray The movie based on the musical based on the movie. Rent the original movie if you haven't seen it. Not that this was bad, it just wasn't necessary. I was intrigued by the idea of seeing Chris Walken and John Travolta dance together (cute sequence), but I was deathly afraid they might kiss. That's not my idea of hot man-on-man action.

If you know me, you know my idea of that concept is guys beating the shit out of each other - as I expressed earlier in my love of the Bourne series.

I should be reviewing a movie that exemplifies these values shortly.

I should add one comment about the original Hairspray: Any movie where the not-perfect girl gets the perfect guy (without having to become perfect) is A-OK in my book!

I blame the drugs

sleepy, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

I'm being somewhat slack and for that I apologize (drugs). I haven't written in over a week and truthfully nothing has really happened (drugs). The almost last fill of my expander was quite painful so I have been using aggressive pain management techniques (drugs). Work is good but slow (drugs-you get the idea by now).

The doc will add 20 ccs more of fluid to my expander in a couple of weeks just to top it off, then we will let gravity do some work before the implant operation. I thought the doctor was going to do this in two to three weeks, but apparently it will be at least 6 months before that operation. That's something to look forward to because I'm just about drugged out and plan to spend next week complaining about how crummy I feel because I'm no longer on drugs.

My brother Jonathan got a job in New York (congrats, bro!). Ileana drove back to Oklahoma from Tampa (she was helping him get his stuff together to move) and she stayed over on Wednesday. Brenden of course had fun. He will be BFFs with anyone who will play with him - he's not picky at all. I hope he's like that when he gets older.

Jon and I took Brenden to the Chattanooga aquarium last Sunday pretty much on a whim. I forgot the camera (drugs). Brenden behaved fairly well - we brought the monkey but we never had to use it. Jon and I think the penguins and the otters are the niftiest things. I think the jellyfish and the sea horses are pretty neat, too. Speaking of penguins, in our neverending effort to spoil the crap out of B we let him pick out something from the gift shop and he chose the fattest stuffed penguin I have ever seen. I need to post a photo of it.

Brenden's babysitter finally had her baby. She and Cy (after Cy Young, which is way cool) are doing well. In the meantime Jon and I are switching off on watching Brenden. I stayed home yesterday and I congratulate myself on not throttling El Jefe. I did a full sweep and mop of the house and ended up banishing him to his room because he kept trying to skid through the dirt. I ignored all the noises emanating from his bedroom as I hurried to finish the mopping. I was astonished as he casually walked into the kitchen at one point - had he finally learned how to open the baby gate?

It turns out he had gotten on one of his riding toys and had used it as a battering ram and had forced the gate off the door. I was too proud of his cleverness to whale the tar out of him. The boy may not say much that's coherent but there's nothing wrong with his problem-solving firmware.

A couple of more Brenden milestones - he ordered for himself from the kid menu at Denny's on Sunday! It was a couple of pancakes. He ended up eating Jon's sausage and my scrambled eggs instead but there you go.

I have actually watched a couple of movies lately but I'll comment on this one first -

The Bourne Ultimatum - I love the Bourne movies. I rarely like a movie better than the book but the Bourne trilogy is a lot of fun and far more entertaining (to me) than the Ludlum books. I like them better than any Bond movie and you all know how much I like those (I strongly suspect that it's because there's a decent human somewhere in Jason Bourne but James Bond is a through and through jackass).

Anyway the Bourne movies follow a pattern - lots of action, Matt Damon cuteness and angst, and quality character actors to anchor the movies:
Chris Cooper and Brian Cox (Bourne Identity)
Brian Cox and Joan Allen (Bourne Supremacy)
David Strathairn, Scott Glenn, Albert Finney and Joan Allen(Bourne Ultimatum).

They also have strong woman characters who always end up supporting Bourne (Allen, Franka Potente and Julia Stiles. Yes, I ended up liking Stiles' character after the 3rd Movie).

The only thing I missed in the 3rd movie was a hottie assassin trying to take out Bourne. Clive Owen tried to off Jason in Identity and Karl Urban tried in Supremacy. Some guy went after him in the 3rd movie of course but I didn't know him from Adam and he wasn't hot. That was my only disappointment.

Letter to Brenden Month 31

camping fun, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Let's see... what's new with you? Not much. Your vocabulary is improving and you recognize a lot of letters. You are still way obsessed with trains.

I think the biggest news is "meow" is no longer your word for "I want something to drink". Part of me will miss your meowing, but it's for the best. I don't want you to be laughed at in school when you go to the cafeteria if you meow at the lunch lady.

So now you ask for "joos" or "choka milk" or "wawa".

We gave you a Smart Cycle - a video game / stationary bike - for Christmas which you enjoy. We get a kick out of when you play the race game - the other cars will pull away from you and you will be pedalling as hard as you can and you will be yelling "Wait up! Wait up!" at the screen.

I like the fact that it's possible to lose at the games. As a software developer I know the value of making mistakes. It's hard to learn anything if you don't make mistakes.

I do realize that for other professions, like say being a doctor or a pharmacist or an airline pilot this may not be the case.

But I digress. 5 more months and you're three. I guess we had better get to that potty training soon.

Some Assembly Required

someassemblyreq, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

WARNING: the post below is LONG and GEEKY -

Jon, my sweetie, got a Christmas bonus this year, and he wanted me to spend it on a new computer. I jumped at the opportunity because my old one has become too obsolete. Okay, what really made me want to get a new computer is several games that have been released which would not run on my old rig. Every time I upgrade to a new computer it's because of a new game. Hell, I remember the first time: I upgraded my 386 to a 486 because Ultima 7 wouldn't run. I also learned the value of %100 compatability. The sound card I bought claimed %100 SoundBlaster compatability but Ultima 7 wouldn't work with it so I returned it and bought a SoundBlaster sound card. Lesson learned: If you want %100 SoundBlaster compatability, buy a SoundBlaster.

But I digress: that was then, this is now. Every other computer I buy I assemble. After I assemble I tend to mutter "never again" and buy a prebuilt. Then I get disgusted with the prebuilt and mutter "never again" and assemble my own. For the record I'm not a fan of Dell, by the way.

This cycle of the phase was a DIY machine and why not? I had the time while I was convalescing.

Phase one is always research. Here's one of my favorite places to do said research: Tom's Hardware Guide. I have to balance three factors: price, quality, and my own preferences. When I build a machine, I start with the heart, mind, and soul - or, the motherboard, CPU, and memory.

Of those I start with the CPU: I have built an AMD machine and liked it, but I have no problems with Intel and the latest generation of CPUs from what I have read Intel has the edge. I have a machine with 2 CPUs at work which I love (when I have to rebuild the world (that's all the code we use and it's a SHITLOAD) at work it takes a quarter of the time it took on my old 1 gig Pentium. Maybe even faster). But the latest from Intel are Core 2 Duos and Core 2 Quads, which instead of 2 or 4 CPUs physically located on the same machine, the Core 2s have multiprocessors built within the CPU chip itself.

In case you are wondering how useful a machine with 2 or more CPUs is, it depends on if the software can utilize more than one CPU. I went with a Duo instead of a Quad, to make a story short, because it was cheaper and ultimately I would not get much of a performance boost.

So I knew the CPU (Intel Core 2 Duo E6750 - 2.66 ghz), then I picked the motherboard. I went with an Abit IP35 Pro. Why? It was the right price, utilized a chipset I had heard good things about (Intel P35), utilized the type of RAM I wanted to buy (DDR2 - DDR3 was more expensive and again, the price vs. the performance boost just wasn't worth it to me), and I have had good experienced with Abit motherboards (super-easy to configure and dependable).

I also bought 2 gigs of DDR2 RAM (Corsair). The motherboard can hold more, but from what I have read, again, more would not have done much. Windows XP Pro can only utilize 2 gigs and I refuse to upgrade to Vista.

I did splurge on the Video card - I had my heart set on a Radeon GeForce 8800 GT. Again, bang vs buck. This one was expensive, though but worth every penny.

Then I had to get a case and power supply, both of look ostentatious, but I bought a 650 watt power supply (too much is always better than not enough), and that monster case because it was quite roomy and has a lot of fans for circulation. I did not buy it for the nifty kewl neon lights.

Lastly I bought a Western Digital Caviar hard drive - 500 gigs. A HALF A TERABYTE. Also a dvd/cd reader/writer.

3 things are noticably absent: 1) a sound card, 2) a network card, 3) a 1.44" floppy drive. The first 2 items came integrated in the motherboard, and with the proliferation of memory sticks the floppy drive seemed superfluous. Besides, if I really needed any of these parts I planned to cannibalize them from my old machine.

I also planned to use my old monitor because even if it's a Dell it rocks.

Another mitigating factor, I just realized, was that I wanted to buy everything on line from the same reputable place. Jon and I have had good dealings with Tiger Direct, so I ordered everything from them on a Monday and got everything the next Thursday. I only paid for standard shipping, too.

That left the Friday before Christmas as my assembly day.



It went smoothly - power supply into the case, then motherboard into the case, the power cables to the motherboard, then cpu on the motherboard. Then came the only fly in the ointment. The big, honking heatsink/fan that goes on top of the itty-bitty CPU was a MAJOR BITCH to install. Really, people, what the BLEEP is wrong with using screws???!!??



Anyway, after getting the fan installed I realized I had installed it wrong and the case wouldn't close. So I had to take it off and wrestle with it again after a little pity-party.

After that I installed the ram, video card, hard drive, and DVD drive then hooked everything else up to the power supply.

Then came the moment of truth: firing it up and seeing if it explodes. It didn't explode, but it did screech at me. So I powered it down and discovered I had missed a power connection to the video card. Once it was fixed it powered up just fine.

By the end of the day, when I went to get B and Jon came home, I was installing the operating system. Other than the heat sink, nothing else miraculously went wrong. I may just be masochistic enough to DIY again for my next machine.



All told I spent about 1300 bucks and my new rig ROCKS!

The Highlight of the Year

digging3, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

This is my first day back to work and OH MY GOD I'M SO TIRED!

Happy new beer, everyone. First of let me recap the year that was:

Jan - Brenden learned how to meow.
Feb - Not much - the highlight seems to be I planned a vacation to the USVIs.
Mar - Definitely nothing happened.
Apr - Dad diagnosed with cancer.
May - St John vacation! Hooray!
Jun - Attempted to start brewing beer again. Vowed to wait until B is older to try again.
Jul - Visited Dad and Ilu in Tampa + Brenden broke his finger in the garage door.
Aug - Chattanooga train trip.
Sep - Brenden finally called me "mama".
Oct - Stopped on the way to work to help some people in an accident we witnessed.
Nov - Diagnosed with Breast cancer (2 days after dad was declared all clear).
Dec - Month off of work. The price was too high, though.

All told it wasn't a great year, but there have been better ones on the books.

This year Jon and I plan to:

1) Save up a huge chunk of money for an emergency fund - enough so that if Jon and I both lost our jobs we would be able to pay our bills for at least 6 months.

2) Afterwards tackle the mortgage like there's no tomorrow. Our goal is to have exactly 0 debt in 2 - 3 years. That's right, none. Right now our only debt is our mortgage.

-If both those goals make you think we've been listening to Dave Ramsey too much, you would not be mistaken.

3) We do plan to take a vacation - we're going to try a cruise. I'm not sure where to or when, but we wanted to try it out. To be honest I have a lot of really mixed feelings about being stuck on a big boat with thousands of people but I'd like to try it once.

4) Maintain my weight loss. I only shot up 3 pounds after my surgery. I quit eating low carb but am just now going back. I blame the chronic nausea for both things, which thank goodness has finally subsided.

5) The most important goal for 2008, however, is to toilet-train Brenden.

I still haven't blogged about my new computer. I have, however, bored you enough for one day.