Week 20: Revenge of the Howler Monkeys.

Not the best weekend I have ever had. I finally have to admit to myself I'm depressed, and I mean that in the clinical sense.

I won't go into details, mainly because I am completely apalled at my behavior Sunday to where it's too embarrasing to talk about. All I know is that if I don't do something about it now, it's not going to get better when the baby comes. It will get worse, most likely.

In trying to talk to Jon, I finally managed to explain to him I'm in this vicious cycle where I get angry and sad at everything and everybody because I feel so isolated. I always try to handle things myself, so when I need help, I don't know how to get it. And because I get so angry and depressed, I'm afraid that if I do try to talk to anybody I'll come across as a complete psycho which makes me clam up even more. And naturally yesterday while talking to him I felt like a complete psycho and I don't know how long anyone can stand being married to someone like that.

In other words: when I go in for my ultrasound/checkup today, I'm going to ask my ob/gyn to refer me to a psychiatrist/psychologist/whatever.

And now for something different: my latest review.