ARRRRRRRRRR(gh)!

stranger, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

The family went to the Cullman County Fair last night, and much fun was had especially by the little one. Photos soon come, but I interrupt the scheduled blather for a heaping dollop of RANT. It is not politically motivated, so don't hit your backbutton yet.

In the winter of 1990 - 91 I was stationed at Fort Riley, Kansas. Fortunately for me Manhattan - a college town - was nearby, so I was able to find a well-stocked book store without difficulty (these were the ancient days before Amazon). One day while browsing for titles I bought a book simply because I liked the cover: On Stranger Tides, by Tim Powers. The cover featured a skeletal pirate, complete with pegleg and parrot. How could such a book be bad?

It wasn't. It was damn good, and right up my alley. There were indeed pirates, as well as undead pirates, ghosts, voodoo, swordfights, Blackbeard - all kinds of fun. I know, it kind of sounds like a Pirates of the Carribean movie, doesn't it? I'm getting to that, but first I always thought the book would have made a terrific movie (there's a swordfight in the hull of a ship during a horrible storm and Powers's writing is so vivid I can still see that fight in my head). I had a faint hope that with the success of the POTC movies someone might be motivated to film this book. Be careful what you wish for.

The 4th POTC's full title, I discovered yesterday, is Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. I thought I was going to have a brain aneurism right there, but it got worse. I Googled a bit and sure enough, found a press release saying this 4th installment would be "loosely based on the book". In other words, my beloved pirate book, a book I read at least once every couple of years, is going to make it to the big screen, with that idiot captain Jack SPARROW CROWBARRED INTO THE STORY.

The sad thing is I can see what character he can replace fairly easy. It's even sadder I can see where the screenwriter(s) could keep the main story faithful to the book even with the addition of Sparrow and Barbossa (Geoffry Rush's character) and the idiot crew of the Black Pearl. But what makes me saddest is that the screenwriters won't see what I see and John Chandagnac's journey from shallow euroweenie to Jack Shandy the brave and clever pirate will be shoved aside for Johnny Depp's Keith Richards impersonation. I bet money now that Jack Shandy won't even be in the movie at all.

I'm not happy about this development. Nope, not one bit.