Vacation was a blast. Between Jon and Brenden, overall, I'd say B handled the car ride better. He had a small meltdown on the way there (I got the idea that he wanted to stay at the Taco Bell because as soon as I put his fanny back in his car seat he had a conniption fit) and none on the way back.

We stayed at my Grandparents' old place near Clayton, Oklahoma with my dad and his wife. Was the house smaller? Yes. The trees seemed bigger, though. The weather was hot, but not as humid as Alabama so we didn't suffer too bad.

Dad and Ilu are building a much bigger home on the other end of the property. It should be finished by January. That will be so kewl; I hope Brenden will be able to fly by then so Jon won't have to squirm his way through another 10 hour car ride.

Matter of fact Jon took one look at a meadow on my aunt Anna's property and started salivating at the prospect of landing the Cessna right there. He can but first he has to drop B and I off at the McAlester Airport.

Among our activities we investigated the landscape in four wheelers, especially my aforementioned aunt's property. We stopped near a dry creekbed and refamiliarized ourselves with our handgun. It has been at least 5 years since I shot any one anything. Then I got my four wheeler stuck on some rocks in a river bed.

We also went fishing in the Kiamichi on Saturday. To our surprise, the fish were biting. It was really too hot, but Saturday had high overcast because of Hurricane Rita, plus the wind was blowing just enough to keep us cool and the insects off. The biggest surprise is we were casting using artificial lures, and we caught 3 nice sized channel catfish. They don't normally strike at lures but I'm not complaining. Them's good eatin and they made a nice Sunday brunch.

Saturday night was blustery with a little rain. It's a shame Rita didn't hang around there for a little bit because southeastern Oklahoma is in the middle of a long drought. Sunday it was back to the same old hot. We decided to fish again on Monday and had good luck again: two channel cats, one bass, and a drumfish. The drum is too bony to eat and the bass was too small so we threw everything back. I almost landed a ginormous channel cat but the line snapped at a swivel. Really, you *should* have seen the one that got away. I'm sure the cat's friends are admiring his new lip piercing.

Brenden had himself a good time too - he was doted on by any passing woman, especially his abuela (who I would like to thank profusely for watching him at night!). And dad had fun with him too. Thank you guys for letting us stay with you for a while! I'm glad B can adjust so readily to different people and circumstances - I hope he is able to keep this trait. Next time he gets to go fishing. We'll just stick him in a pool floatie and let his little feet dangle in the water. When he starts crying we'll pull him in and grab the catfish hanging from his little toes.


And now for something completely different: more search queries!!


naked little Naked little what? Naked little boobies? Naked little mice? Naked little hot dogs?

naked sandy Hehehehe. Sorry bud, no naked pictures of me. If you go to my Flickr account, you can see my NEKKID PREGNANT BELLEH!!!

pretty child naked You sick wretch. Do yourself a favor and remove your genitalia before you hurt someone.

naked female skydivers Hahahahaha! Dude, just *go* to a drop zone. Things can get pretty wild on Saturday nights if you go to the right one. I highly recommend you go to the World Freefall Convention next year where there's a party every night for 10 days.

is sleeping naked good Why yes! Yes, it is. It feels great to not have anything binding you. The only thing that sucks about it is if you have a fire or something and you have to scoot your flabby ass out of the house and your neighbors get an eyefull.

little boys naked Please, just die. You are worthless scum and deserve to have your penis and testicles scraped off with a bulldozer blade.

I admit it. I don't much like NAMBLA types. No offense meant to the National Association of Marlon Brando Look-Alikes.

Laid Back

Can O' Whupass
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Heh. Here Brenden is doing his Russell Crowe imitation and looking to beat someone up. Or maybe chew on them.

Aunt Anna and B

Anna and B 2
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

This is my great aunt Anna. She was married to my late uncle Lewis, who was my grandmother's youngest brother. She is 82 and I hope I'm as sharp as her when I get that old. I hope I get that old, period.

She was totally charmed by Brenden, of course.

Sandy, B and Ralph

Sandy, B and Ralph
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

This behemoth is my dad's cat, Ralph the Norwegian Swamp Kitty. He's 19 years old, like my little kitty. He looks larger than our own Big Fat Kitty, but really if you wet Ralph down he's not that big. Photo courtesy Ileana.

Whiny

Whiny
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Take away his favorite chew toy (me), and you see what happens. Normally when he cries I get concerned and try to soothe him, but here I recall just laughing at him. He's so cute when he cries!

Really, I gave him back my knuckle as soon as the photo was snapped.

Knuckle Sandwich

Knuckle Sandwich
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Poor B is teething, which means he will chew on everything he can get his mouth on and he is drooling up a storm. This storm is also accompanied by occasional flurries of fussiness and a slight fever.

You can see, if you look closely, a bunny rattle on his left and a teething ring on his right, but I am really his favorite chew toy.

Sitting

Sitting
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

So much for blogging from Oklahoma. I admit it: I was just too lazy. Many pictures were taken and much fun was had. I will write more when I can.

This is Brenden at 16 weeks. He'll be 4 months old next Thursday.

Dinosaur

Dinosaur
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Open the door
get on the floor
everybody walk the dinosaur.

Brenden at 15 weeks.

ARR! Shiver me timbers, mate! I hope you sea dogs had a right good Talk Like A Pirate Day, especially you naked pirates! AR!

The highlight of my day actually was letting Brenden chew mightily on my knuckles for about an hour. Poor kid is teething something fierce. He's running a low-grade fever and gnawing on anything he can get his gums on.

The three of us are going on a mini-vacation to Oklahoma, where my dad has a place. It's where I spent my vacations as a kid. It's right smack dab in the middle of nowhere. Nontheless I plan to take many pictures and blog from there.

Oh, yeah: It's a 10 hour drive. Pray for me - Brenden isn't the only guy in our family that gets whiny on long trips.

Boy that web stat site Nancy uses is pretty nifty. I had some other interesting search queries:

naked pirates Woo-hoo!! I'm into naked pirates too! Arr! Shiver me timbers mate!!!

newborn screaming Well, I hope you found a more informative site than mine. My kid is pretty easygoing.

naked little boys pic *Sigh*. I knew this would happen if I put a photo up of my kid swimming with his dad. Let me say this: DIE YOU SICK F*&K!! YOU GO TO HELL AND YOU DIE!! I hope your genitals get caught in a garbage disposal, and if you ever touch my child I promise you that's where they will end up! Unless you're an FBI agent trolling for child molesters. Good luck on your hunt then, and punch one of them in the 'nads for me.

I'm amused by how many people are visiting this site because of the lyrics to New Order's "Bizarre Love Triangle". With a title like "Naked Hysterical Screaming" you think this blog would be about something more interesting than a middle-aged nerd's adventures in motherhood, eh?

I just erased my yearly quota for political commentary on this blog. I realized how boring it was. Instead, I'll bring you a meme I pulled from A Small Victory:

This is a list of the top 100 songs from the year I graduated high school (1982).
The songs I hated are struck through.
The songs I hated with a mad passion are struck through and in red.
The songs I don't recognize are normal.
The songs I liked are bold.
The songs I loved are bold w/underlining.

1. Physical, Olivia Newton-John This was the most popular of 82? Oh bleck!

2. Eye Of The Tiger, Survivor Bleah bleah bleah bleah bleah! Bad song for a bad movie!

3. I Love Rock N' Roll, Joan Jett and The Blackhearts I like some of Jett's stuff. Just not this.

4. Ebony And Ivory, Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder Too damn syrupy for me.

5. Centerfold, J. Geils Band Too damn misogynistic for me.

6. Don't You Want Me, Human League Too damn 80's for me.

7. Jack And Diane, John Cougar Don't like Cougar

8. Hurts So Good, John Cougar Even when he's a Mellencamp.

9. Abracadabra, Steve Miller Band I like Steve Miller's stuff but even the filler songs on "Book of Dreams" were a quantum leap better than this one.

10. Hard To Say I'm Sorry, Chicago Too damn generic for me.

11. Tainted Love, Soft Cell I hated it when it first came out but it's so silly it grew on me. There is something tangibly gay about the early 80's new wave stuff and Soft Cell was its apotheosis. No, that's not true. That was the B-52's.

12. Chariots Of Fire, Vangelis Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

13. Harden My Heart, Quarterflash There was way too much of this style of lugubrious crap released in 82. I mean, think about this freaking song. You can't even dance to it! And the worst part is this damn sung got stuck in my brain yesterday. I hate it even more now.

14. Rosanna, Toto See # 10

15. I Can't Go For That, Daryl Hall and John Oates see # 14

16. 867-5309 (Jenny), Tommy Tutone The one hit wonder that explains why fictitious numbers begin with 555.

17. Key Largo, Bertie Higgins - What? Good movie, though.

18. You Should Hear How She Talks About You, Melissa Manchester - Again, what?

19. Waiting For A Girl Like You, Foreigner See #13.

20. Don't Talk To Strangers, Rick Springfield My god, this was a horrible year for music!

21. The Sweetest Thing, Juice Newton -Yet again, what?

22. Always On My Mind, Willie Nelson - I'm drawing a blank here, too.

23. Shake It Up, Cars At least this song was upbeat. Still too vanilla.

24. Let It Whip, Dazz Band Yet another blank but I'm sure I hated it.

25. We Got The Beat, Go-Go's Let me explain. No, that would take too long. Let me sum up: The Go-Go's opened for the Police's "Ghost in the Machine" tour. Most fun concert I ever went to.

26. The Other Woman, Ray Parker Jr. - blank blank

27. Turn Your Love Around, George Benson - blankety blankety blank

28. Sweet Dreams, Air Supply Actually I don't remember this song either but I'm hating it on general principles.

29. Only The Lonely, Motels Same as 13.

30. Who Can It Be Now?, Men At Work I liked these guys, although I seem to remember I didn't want to admit it.

31. Hold Me, Fleetwood Mac Not a big Mac fan (heh) but I seem to recall liking this song.

32. Eye In The Sky, Alan Parsons Project Being a geek it was obligatory of me at the time for me to like APP. Fortunately I never translated my vinyl LPs of their pap to cds.

33. Let's Groove, Earth, Wind and Fire - I don't remember this but I'm sure it was groovy.

34. Open Arms, Journey Hating this one on general principles, too.

35. Leader Of The Band, Dan Fogelberg - Bet it is as boring as it appears to be.

36. Leather And Lace, Stevie Nicks and Don Henley Stevie Nicks can't sing.

37. Even The Nights Are Better, Air Supply It was a truly horrendous year if Air Supply had 2 hits.

38. I've Never Been To Me, Charlene - huh?

39. '65 Love Affair, Paul Davis - again, huh?

40. Heat Of The Moment, Asia I had a hippie friend named Alan (not that Alan, Helly) who once commented that with Howe, Wetton, Downes and Palmer in a band, recording this song was like "Buying a Ferrari and only going 20 miles and hour".

41. Take It Easy On Me, Little River Band Again, invoking the general principles rule.

42. Pac-man Fever, Buckner and Garcia You have to be frickin kidding me.

43. That Girl, Stevie Wonder So sue me, I'm not a fan.

44. Private Eyes, Daryl Hall and John Oates Did I mention how badly this year sucked?

45. Trouble, Lindsey Buckingham - blanking. I'm sure it was bad.

46. Making Love, Roberta Flack - Another blank.

47. Love's Been A Little Bit Hard On Me, Juice Newton I remember the video was cute. Sort of. Maybe not.

48. Young Turks, Rod Stewart Retch.

49. Freeze-frame, J. Geils Band Gaah!

50. Keep The Fire Burnin', REO Speedwagon Only halfway there???? Will it get any better??

51. Do You Believe In Love, Huey Lewis and The News Not if it means I have to listen to crap like this song.

52. Cool Night, Paul Davis - who the hell was Paul Davis? The name isn't even registering.

53. Caught Up In You, 38 Special I don't even have an opinion.

54. Why Do Fools Fall In Love?, Diana Ross because they have nothing better to do.

55. Love In The First Degree, Alabama - nada.

56. Hooked On Classics, Royal Philharmonic Orchestra is there anything more evil than classical music set to a beat? Other than J Geils, REO Speedwagon, Stevie Nicks, Hall and Oates, Air Supply, Rick Springfield, Foriegner, And Journey. And Toto. Especially Toto.

57. Wasted On The Way, Crosby, Stills and Nash - Don't remember it.

58. Think I'm In Love, Eddie Money Heard one Eddie Money song you heard them all. And that's one too many.

59. Love Is In Control, Donna Summer - Don't remember it.

60. Personally, Karla Bonoff - Amnesia.

61. One Hundred Ways, Quincy Jones - Same here although that might be too bad.

62. Blue Eyes, Elton John Dude, remember "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road"? That was a good album, full of good songs, even "Bennie and the Jets". This song isn't even on the same planet as anything off that album.

63. Our Lips Are Sealed, Go-Go's See #25

64. You Could Have Been Wih Me, Sheena Easton Am I the only one who was happy when her character bit the dust on Miami Vice?

65. You Can Do Magic, America General principles!

66. Did It In A Minute, Daryl Hall and John Oates I bet they did.

67. I Ran, A Flock Of Seagulls About as gay as Soft Cell but not as much fun.

68. Somebody's Baby, Jackson Browne More evil.

69. Oh No, Commodores - no recuerdo.

70. Take It Away, Paul McCartney - Otra vez, no recuerdo. I bet it was boring, though.

71. It's Gonna Take A Miracle, Deneice Williams - Don't remember

72. Love Will Turn You Around, Kenny Rogers - Don't remember.

73. Don't Stop Believin', Journey I Remember it all too well.

74. Comin' In And Out Of Your Life, Barbra Streisand - Thank goodness I don't remember this one.

75. Gloria, Laura Branigan Argh.

76. Empty Garden, Elton John Double Argh!

77. Yesterday's Songs, Neil Diamond My disdain for Mr. Diamond is legendary.

78. Crimson And Clover, Joan Jett and The Blackhearts Okay I like this one.

79. Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic, Police Odd. The Go-go's have 2 songs ahead of this one, yet they opened for the Police. Who are a band I loved. Still do.

80. Here I Am, Air Supply THREE Air Supply hits in one year!

81. I Keep Forgettin', Michael Mcdonald I keep forgettin how bad his songs were. And the Doobie Brothers sucked too!

82. Get Down On It, Kool and The Gang Blah.

83. Any Day Now, Ronnie Milsap Snooooore

84. Make A Move On Me, Olivia Newton-John Oh, god, make it stop make it stop...!

85. Take My Heart, Kool and The Gang Take my hearing.

86. Mirror Mirror, Diana Ross on the wall, who's the most boring female singer of them all?

87. Vacation, Go-Go's Okay, I didn't like this song.

88. (Oh) Pretty Woman, Van Halen Don't remake songs by people who sing better than you.

89. Should I Do It, Pointer Sisters No.

90. Hot In The City, Billy Idol And I like Billy Idol in a cheesy sort of way. But this just didn't do it for me.

91. Kids In America, Kim Wilde HahahahahahahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHEHEHEHEheheheheheh. Heh.

92. Man On Your Mind, Little River Band blah.

93. What's Forever For, Michael Murphy blah blah.

94. Waiting On A Friend, Rolling Stones Can you believe these geezers are on tour? They were old when *this* song was released!

95. Do I Do, Stevie Wonder Like I said, not a fan.

96. Working For The Weekend, Loverboy What can I say about Loverboy? Besides "Take the bandana off your head, you look retarded".

97. Goin' Down, Greg Guidry Goin' nowhere.

98. Arthur's Theme, Christopher Cross blah blah blah.

99. Through The Years, Kenny Rogers blah blah blah blah.

100. Edge Of Seventeen, Stevie Nicks blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah!

I think the above might explain why I was deeply attracted to bands like Joy Division, Husker Du, Black Flag, Killing Joke and Echo and the Bunnymen. Yes, I liked a band called Echo and the Bunnymen, and right now I'm pining for the pork of the porcupine, thankyouverymuch.

Being Happy

Being Happy
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

All righty then! Here's the 14 week photo. Does B look staged or what? He wasn't! As you can see he has found his hands. Check out Flickr for more of Brenden being Brenden.

I have a loooooong-assed post I should post this afternoon.

I turned on comment verification before I get inundated with frickin' spammers. I had to delete one; I left the other one up so I could call him/her a TURD! A FRICKIN' LOW DOWN PIECE OF DOGCRAP SPAMMER!!! DIE SPAMMER DIE SLOWLY!!!!

*Ahem* Now back to our regularly scheduled blog:

Letter to Brenden Month 3:

Well, honey; things are progressing pretty much the same. You are using your hands more. Quite often you have them imperfectly clasped in front of you or you have a deathgrip on your bib or a rattle or my hair. You are also vocalizing more. You have an amazing vocabulary! I wish I knew what you were saying.

I like that you are so friendly and talkative. I think we've established at what end of the introvert-extrovert spectrum you will lean towards. I think it's a good thing! Your smiles are wonderful and your squeals delightful. And I love it when you chew on my shirt when I'm trying to burp you.

You still aren't sleeping through the night, darn you. I hope that will change in Month 4, when I'm going to start feeding you baby food. Of course that will precipitate more adventurous diapering moments as well. A few days ago I was talking with you and I heard a horrendous noise from your backside. I was afraid to change you for what I might find. It was fairly typical, fortunately, but dang that was loud! From the sound of it I was expecting a load worthy of an incontinent Great Dane.

I can sit you on my lap and with assistance you can hold your head steady. I am also enjoying lifting you up by your legs so that you can hang in the air like a monkey. In some ways you're more fun that putting masking tape on a cat's paw. Not that I've ever done that.

Keep up the good work, kiddo. Your dad and I love you very much. And hurry up and sleep, will ya?

1000 yard stare

1000 yard stare
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Brenden at 13 weeks / 3 months. This photo was taken just before bedtime, if you can't tell. Some people are telling me he has my eyes. I dunno; I'll have to post a photo of me for comparison one of these days.

Fascinated

Fascinated
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

You know, this quilt actually looks kind of yummy....

Yep. Pretty tasty!

Yep. Pretty tasty!
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Yummm! Mmmm mmm mmm! Slurp slurp slurp! Mmmmmm!

Bug!

Bug!
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Eek!!!!!!!