Vasquez: Hi everyone. Mom is busily working on some of her birthday presents. You wouldn't believe how many people bought her Guinness Stout in a can. On second thought, maybe you would.

Big Fat Kitty:M-m-meow?

Vasquez:What? Jeez, it's okay you tubby mook! They all left yesterday morning! Sheesh. Mom locked me and fatboy up in the attic because of the party Friday. He's still somewhat psychotic. Me, I'm pissed. All those people and I didn't get enough pets.

Big Fat Kitty: Meow. I want to go sit with the tupperware.

Vasquez: WHAT? Fine, hide in the cupboard. I watched out the window. There must have been 40+ people here on Friday. Mom sat with some old college friends. I remember them, they were nice. They all petted me. Mom got thrown in the pool.

Big Fat Kitty: Meow!?! - Ooooooooooooh! What's that?

Vasquez: Hey lardbutt, leave the trash alone. Wait- chicken bones? Mmmm... Hang on a bit folks!

(later)

Vasquez: *burp* Meow, but I love chicken! Mom grilled some Friday night. It didn't go over as well as the ribs she cooked but I like it just fine. And I was so happy; some of their guests came and slept up in the attic with us! Stupid blubberboy went nuts and tried to open the door with his head. Several Times. What a dumbass.

Big Fat Kitty: Meow!

Vasquez: WHAT! SPEAK UP, GATO GORDITO!!! Damn, he's an idiot! He snuck out and slept with the plasticware instead of all these warm, 98.6 degree human bodies. What a pussy!