Existence, well what does it matter
I exist on the best terms I can
The past is now part of my future
The present is well out of hand

melancholy
SYLLABICATION: mel·an·chol·y
NOUN:
1. Sadness or depression of the spirits; gloom: “There is melancholy in the wind and sorrow in the grass” (Charles Kuralt).
2. Pensive reflection or contemplation.
3. Archaic a. Black bile. b. An emotional state characterized by sullenness and outbreaks of violent anger, believed to arise from black bile.
ADJECTIVE:
1. Affected with or marked by depression of the spirits; sad. See synonyms at sad.
2. Tending to promote sadness or gloom: a letter with some melancholy news.
3. Pensive; thoughtful.

This month's INTP Melancholic Moments brought to you in part by Harlan Ellison, Kurt Vonnegut, and Philip K. Dick. Thanks, guys.

I don't spend too much time thinking about the past and I don't know if that's a good thing. Most of what I remember is fragmented: my most vivid memories are sensations and not specific incidents. Unles I was horrendously embarrassed then of course I remember the whole thing.

I don't look forward to dying, who does? Death I suppose is no big deal unless I'm wrong and I wake up burning in Hell. Or maybe my fondest hope will come true and I'll be sent back to try again. So any way, I'm not looking forward to the Big Sleep. So I woke up in the middle of this huge movie, and I'll have to leave before it's over. Sad, but then there's the alternative; which is being there for the Big Finish. Yikes.

So I don't look forward and I don't look back. Each day I wake up and try to find a few moments or hours where I can just sit back and *think* about things. "Things" can range from politics, philosophy, plain old fantasies or some fine looking man's nekkid bod( In the philosophy side of things, I'm with Bentham about pleasure: quality isn't an issue). The things that actually happen to me during the day may stay with me a while, but for the most they fade. Is it a wonder I like books and movies so much? They are static; the book I read when I was 13 will begin and end the same as now when I'm 40. Context matters; if I had read the Harry Potter series when I was 8 or 9 it would have affected me far differently. I'm sure I would have been completely obsessed by the series. Immersed. Some day I'll tell you about how worked up I got by the Hardy Boys or the 6 Million Dollar Man. Or maybe I won't.

What frustrates me is when I find a "happy place" (puerile term but it fits), external or internal, it doesn't last. Sooner or later I have to leave. Going back to the Caribbean the last two years was frustrating to the extreme - what I saw with 30+ year old eyes was *not* the same as what I saw with 8 year old eyes, although some of the things I saw were beyond any memories I had as a kid. Take for instance the one scuba trip where I was in the back and came right up on a sea turtle laying low behind some coral. Face to face with a sea turtle. They have these onery expressions. He noticed me looking at him and slowly swam away. It's hard imagining something like a turtle being graceful but there you go.

Was there a point to all this? Just that sometimes I think about how time in my life is like trying to scoop up water in my arms and hold it.

Enough of that.

Jon and I watched The Rundown last night; by far one of the most satisfying stupid action movies I have seen in a long time. It starred 'the Rock' (his friends just call him the), and (unfortunately) Seann William Scott. It makes sense to pair this hosehead with Ashton Kuchtner, but Chow Yun-Fat(Bulletproof Monk.Disappointing)? But I tolerated his presence because the Rock is a hoot. An ex-wrestler, he's handsome, charismatic, and isn't afraid to make fun of himself. -And I just checked is imdb listing to get his real name, (Dwayne Douglas Johnson), and I was right! He is part Samoan.

Anyway - plot doesn't matter. The action set pieces are what makes this movie. Most of them are not overambitious - lots of punching and stuff, but imaginative. There are some explosions and Christopher Walken doing his Christopher Walken thing (I'd kill to see him in a musical, btw). The director (Peter Berg. Hi Pete! You were da bomb in Shocker) gets a little fancy to the point of distraction and it's just a little too long, but overall I enjoyed this stupid movie. Arnold Swarzennegger has a small cameo; he brushes past the Rock in a bar and mutters, "have fun!" Nice Meta Moment, there.

Oh, yeah. Ewan Bremner was in it. He was Ewan MacGregor's dorky friend in Trainspotting. He has a pretty good American accent (Blackhawk Down,Pearl Harbor), but he had a ... some sort of... accent in this movie. I *think* it was scottish. Anyway, nice of him to get work, although it would have been a far more interesting movie to see him paired with the Rock instead of Stifler.

Nobody in Hollywood listens to me, though.