Fashion

fashion
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Brenden at 21 weeks. He'll be at the 5 month mark next Sunday. Here he is in yet another fashionable outfit sent to him by his abuela, Ileana.

Shayne commented today on his spiffy wardrobe when I dropped him off at daycare this morning.

Bee with dad

Bee with dad
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

On Saturday Brenden and I went to the drop zone and I showed him off in his little Bee costume. He tolerated it for about 5 minutes. In the words of Steve Martin: "Aaaah, *that* was money well spent!"

This sucks

this sucks
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Brenden, unfortunately, really didn't like his costume, and as you can see let us know about it.

No matter what Jon did he just wouldn't smile in the costume.

This really sucks

this really sucks
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Here's an up close view of Brenden's whole opinion of the bee business.

Ahh.. much better!

Ahh.. much better!
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

So we took the costume off, let him play in his Gymini (which he is rapidly growing too big for), and he fell asleep.

He was not posed - he loves sleeping with his hands behind his head. Of course everyone at the dz had to stop by, stare, and go "aaaaaawwww"!

This post has nothing to do with this picture

More semi-obscure movie references
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

I'm kind of out of things to talk about, unless you want me to describe how Brenden and Big Fat Kitty decided to call a truce because it's so darn cold in the house. I'll just say that it's cute and leave it at that.

So I stole a meme from Helly:

THE RULES:
1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.

"I also did Back Hyperextensions (15 lbs) but I haven’t found a good photo of that yet."

Yeah, okay; that was interesting. Actually looking over that month's posts, I realized what I need to do is revisit some of my favorite top 10 lists.

For today I'll revisit my Top Ten Favorite Actors:

1] Damian Lewis: Yep, still there. Happy 2nd anniversary, you redheaded hottie you! An Unfinished Lifeand Keane finally were received limited releases, which means I may be able to watch the DVDs here in the near future.

2] Eric Bana: Moved from #4 to #2 because FX keeps showing Blackhawk Down and I keep watching. I am so looking forward to Munich, where he plays a member of the Mossad that goes after the terrorists that killed those Israeli athletes during the Olympics. Eric, I hope you and Mr. Spielberg can dodge the fatwas, because Islamists seem to behave like Klingon women with PMS.

3] Ewan MacGregor: Ewan, Ewan, my wonderful ubiquitous Ewan! I love it when I can work the word 'ubiquitous' in a sentence.

4] Christian Bale: Just saw Batman Begins finally! I thought it was pretty good, though during the 'Bruce Wayne: Billionaire Playboy' scenes I kept wanting to yell "I'm Bateman!".

5] Ralph Fiennes: Zoomed waay up the list. I hear he's playing Voldemort in the Goblet of Fire. Kewl!

6] Jason Isaacs: Fell a couple of notches because he's been MIA.

7] Bill Paxton: Kind of MIA but he will always have a special place in my heart.

8] Joaquin Phoenix: (NEW!) Good intense actor, lots of presence, needs to lay off the donuts otherwise I think he's hot. He's playing Johnny Cash in Walk the Line which I'm salivating to watch.

9] Frances MacDormand: Still my favorite woman actor. Haven't seen her in anything in a while but I know she's still out there working.

10] THIS SPACE FOR RENT

Eat the Monkey

Eat the Monkey
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

As promised, here's photographic proof of Brenden's monkey habit. I'm sure Bucky Katt can sympathize.

Actually, last night B would not take his 5pm nap, so I fed him a little early. He packed away almost a full jar of veal (I couldn't find Gerber Monkey meat, unfortunately) and 4 oz of formula. Then the growling began.

So he tried to eat his monkey while I tried to get dinner ready for Jon and I plus the thousand other things I need to do once I get home from work (uh-oh. I'm starting on that mommy-martyr thing). Poor B is chewing, growling, and complaining. I kept thinking 'he's teething' but I couldn't see anything in his little gums. I gave him more things to chew on, including my finger, teething rings, a cloth diaper, and the cat. Okay, not the cat.

Poor B was visibly in distress and running a low-grade fever so I finally gave him another 4 ounces of formula and some baby tylenol. He finally relaxed and took a nap.

I woke him up at 7:30pm and gave him a good bath (he tried to eat the washcloth and the rubber ducky), got him dressed for bed (he tried to eat his nightshirt) and he slept like a stone.

This morning when I'm dropped him off at daycare, I discussed B's behavior with Shayne (the proprietor). We both looked in B's mouth (hard to do when he's trying to eat your fingers) and lo and behold, on the bottom left side of his gums, a little peek of tooth was poking through.

I shall miss that toothless grin of his.

Frisco Depot Museum

Frisco Depot Museum
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

That half a plushie you see on the right is a Gund - specifically, a Flopadoodle. B loves them because they are easy for him to grab and chew on. Currently he has a zebra, lion, and monkey Flopadoodles.

There's nothing funnier than watching Brenden thrash around in his seat, growling fiercely, while he's trying to gum a stuffed monkey to death. I'll try to get a photo.

Hugo, Ok(lahoma)

Hugo, Ok(lahoma)
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Brenden at 20 weeks. He now eats some solid foods at both breakfast and dinner. For breakfast he gets oatmeal. Nancy mentioned oatmeal in one of her emails and I thought it might taste better than rice cereal. It must, because B won't eat the rice cereal now. Can't blame him; it does taste like really bland ass.

For dinner I'm trying to feed him whatever we eat - damn the current conventional wisdom. We had pot roast with vegggies and potatoes. He liked it; much better than the pureed peas out of the baby jar.

Speaking of those peas, they give his poop a wonderful neon green hue. You wanted to know that, didn't you?

Wake Up Two

Wake2
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

To Nancy: Because I can't post comments to hers or any other blogspot blog:

Re Anthony's behavior: You're scaring me! I hope he calms down for you. In the meantime, might I suggest a nice bottle of wine? For you, not him although in this case it might be better if he drank it.

Wake up!

Wake
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Brenden at 19 weeks.

B likes to wake up sometimes at 4am. That kills me because I could really use that extra hour of sleep. I finally learned to give him 2 ounces of formula and haul him into bed with Jon and I. He usually plays with the collar of my nightgown for a few minutes, yawns, then snoozes until mom has to get up for work.

Big Fat Kitty is extremely upset that the hairless kitten has usurped his place on the bed and would like to know if anyone out there would like a slightly used housecat.

Bridge Day

Bridge Day
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Jon spent the weekend in West Virginia for Bridge Day. I forget exactly where, but one day a year the National Park Service lets BASE jumpers leap from this bridge. Jon jumped twice.

I spent the weekend with Ed and his wife Jenn. She was nice enough to make dinner and help keep Brenden entertained. B thought Jenn was da bomb; she kept him laughing all Saturday. Thanks guys!

Hello

Hello
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

I should mention that we lost the services of Kristina, who got married and then needed a better paying job. Her last day with us was the day we went on vacation.

We got back on a Tuesday, and I went to work on Wednesday and Jon was going to watch B. After the third phone call (about 10 am) I hear Brenden crying in the background and my husband is having a panic attack.

I know all this sounds like some sexist stereotyping, but I'm *not* making this up.

I go home and we called around and found an in-home daycare center not too far off my path to work. This woman is great with kids (from what I have seen) and has only 3 others she takes care of. I feel bad, but on the other hand paradoxically I get more time with B because now I wake him up in the morning, get him dressed, and take a car ride with him.

In all fairness to Jon, when he and B went to the doc for B's 4 month checkup, they did just fine. Brenden even handled the shots like a trooper and cried only a little bit.

Like dad like son

Dad and B
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

My dad and Ileana bought Brenden a spiffy fall wardrobe and these overalls were included. For other fall fashion pictures nav over to my Flickr site!

Solid Food 3

Solid Food 3
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

So here's an interesting article on baby food myths. Here's an excerpt:

Take rice cereal, for example. Under conventional American wisdom, it's the best first food. But Butte says iron-rich meat — often one of the last foods American parents introduce — would be a better choice.

Dr. David Ludwig of Children's Hospital Boston, a specialist in pediatric nutrition, says some studies suggest rice and other highly processed grain cereals actually could be among the worst foods for infants.

"These foods are in a certain sense no different from adding sugar to formula. They digest very rapidly in the body into sugar, raising blood sugar and insulin levels" and could contribute to later health problems, including obesity, he says.

Screw the rice cereal, Brenden! Here comes the tacos!

Brenden's first solid food

Brenden's first solid food
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Brenden at 18 weeks

The doc gave the OK for solids - here he's trying rice cereal. As you can see more of it goes on his face than down the gullet but it's a start. And lot's of fun.

Letter to Brenden Month 4:

Well my goodness, honey; you are developing. You roll over occasionally - you went from your belly to your back once while we were in Oklahoma and you occasionally go from back to belly at daycare. You are really good at rolling on your side so you can see or grab something. And you are getting great at grabbing (say that 3 times fast). I love playing "grab the toy and chew on it" with you. I either hold out or place a little stuffed animal on your belly, and you laboriously grab it and try to stuff it into your mouth. Loads of fun! Especially in the bathtub.

You are getting more use out of your Gymini which is a play mat with arches over it that have various toys dangling from it. You will grab at everything and I got some good laughs at when you grabbed the legs of the toy octopus and tried to stuff it in your mouth but were stymied because the legs wouldn't reach. You complained and growled a lot. Have you been spending too much time with the cats?

Your talking is pretty neat. You of course make absolutely no sense, but your tone of voice is so telling. I can tell when you are tired, when you want to do something different, when you are frustrated, when you are having fun, or when you just want to talk. Very little of this communication is actually ear-piercing cries. And the best part about your vocalizing is your reactions to other children and people around you. The daycare lady said you giggle like mad when the other kids are giggling and having fun. Inversely of course you cry when they cry. Still, what a neat display of empathy. I'm glad you are getting exposed to other kids.

Maybe I'm simply genetically programmed to not regard your crying as annoying, but you don't do the ear-piercing screams. Not yet anyway. Keep up the good work, kiddo! You'll be crawling in no time.

I am so happy; I have found a TV series that lives up to Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the X-Files before it. I'm not talking about quality, by the way, though in their time both shows were definitely the best things going on TV (though the X-Files lost its way before the end).

I'm talking about Battlestar Galactica. I found the first 4 hour miniseries to be a little shaky and slow, but ultimately on the geek forums I defended it. I felt vindicated when the story quality took a quantum leap with season 1, and the first half of season 2 has maintained that level.

Like BtVS and the X-Files, I enjoy the story but it's the characters I appreciate the most and the Galactica is chock-full of fun ones. My favorite is Starbuck, who in this incarnation of BSG is a woman, which of course pissed off a lot of geeks. But Scully and Buffy were my favorites too, so it's tradition. And like Buffy and Scully, Starbuck has some great personality flaws. She's promiscuous and impulsive, and has made seriously bad judgement calls. She is the counterpart to Apollo, who in this incarnation a straight-arrow tool who nevertheless tries to go by his own judgement (and his calls are *much* better than Starbuck's) and is very much a leader.

The original Battlestar Galactica's bad guys were the Cylons, who were evil robots. The only reason the old series had evil robots was they could shoot them/blow them up with impunity and the TV censors wouldn't bat an eye. I have to hand it to Ron Moore, the creative genius behind the new BSG. These Cylons are enigmatic, resourceful, and have reasons for doing what they do. I even care about one of them, even if I don't completely trust her motives. Did I mention the human-looking Cylons only have 8 models? That means the actors who play these 8 models have a steady job no matter how many times their characters are killed. Chris Carter and Joss Whedon must be way jealous that they didn't think of that.

Wake Up

Wake Up
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Grandpa! Wake up! Grandpa! Grandpa.... Hey grandpa, mind if I chew on your shirt a while?

Sitting up

sitting up
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Brenden at 17 weeks, or 4 months. Doesn't he look so grown up? Despite the sock coming off.

Those marks on his head are from him scratching. He has cradle cap (baby dandruff) and I was lax in cutting his nails. Suffering much guilt, I knuckled down and cut them. It took me about an hour.

Vacation was a blast. Between Jon and Brenden, overall, I'd say B handled the car ride better. He had a small meltdown on the way there (I got the idea that he wanted to stay at the Taco Bell because as soon as I put his fanny back in his car seat he had a conniption fit) and none on the way back.

We stayed at my Grandparents' old place near Clayton, Oklahoma with my dad and his wife. Was the house smaller? Yes. The trees seemed bigger, though. The weather was hot, but not as humid as Alabama so we didn't suffer too bad.

Dad and Ilu are building a much bigger home on the other end of the property. It should be finished by January. That will be so kewl; I hope Brenden will be able to fly by then so Jon won't have to squirm his way through another 10 hour car ride.

Matter of fact Jon took one look at a meadow on my aunt Anna's property and started salivating at the prospect of landing the Cessna right there. He can but first he has to drop B and I off at the McAlester Airport.

Among our activities we investigated the landscape in four wheelers, especially my aforementioned aunt's property. We stopped near a dry creekbed and refamiliarized ourselves with our handgun. It has been at least 5 years since I shot any one anything. Then I got my four wheeler stuck on some rocks in a river bed.

We also went fishing in the Kiamichi on Saturday. To our surprise, the fish were biting. It was really too hot, but Saturday had high overcast because of Hurricane Rita, plus the wind was blowing just enough to keep us cool and the insects off. The biggest surprise is we were casting using artificial lures, and we caught 3 nice sized channel catfish. They don't normally strike at lures but I'm not complaining. Them's good eatin and they made a nice Sunday brunch.

Saturday night was blustery with a little rain. It's a shame Rita didn't hang around there for a little bit because southeastern Oklahoma is in the middle of a long drought. Sunday it was back to the same old hot. We decided to fish again on Monday and had good luck again: two channel cats, one bass, and a drumfish. The drum is too bony to eat and the bass was too small so we threw everything back. I almost landed a ginormous channel cat but the line snapped at a swivel. Really, you *should* have seen the one that got away. I'm sure the cat's friends are admiring his new lip piercing.

Brenden had himself a good time too - he was doted on by any passing woman, especially his abuela (who I would like to thank profusely for watching him at night!). And dad had fun with him too. Thank you guys for letting us stay with you for a while! I'm glad B can adjust so readily to different people and circumstances - I hope he is able to keep this trait. Next time he gets to go fishing. We'll just stick him in a pool floatie and let his little feet dangle in the water. When he starts crying we'll pull him in and grab the catfish hanging from his little toes.


And now for something completely different: more search queries!!


naked little Naked little what? Naked little boobies? Naked little mice? Naked little hot dogs?

naked sandy Hehehehe. Sorry bud, no naked pictures of me. If you go to my Flickr account, you can see my NEKKID PREGNANT BELLEH!!!

pretty child naked You sick wretch. Do yourself a favor and remove your genitalia before you hurt someone.

naked female skydivers Hahahahaha! Dude, just *go* to a drop zone. Things can get pretty wild on Saturday nights if you go to the right one. I highly recommend you go to the World Freefall Convention next year where there's a party every night for 10 days.

is sleeping naked good Why yes! Yes, it is. It feels great to not have anything binding you. The only thing that sucks about it is if you have a fire or something and you have to scoot your flabby ass out of the house and your neighbors get an eyefull.

little boys naked Please, just die. You are worthless scum and deserve to have your penis and testicles scraped off with a bulldozer blade.

I admit it. I don't much like NAMBLA types. No offense meant to the National Association of Marlon Brando Look-Alikes.

Laid Back

Can O' Whupass
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Heh. Here Brenden is doing his Russell Crowe imitation and looking to beat someone up. Or maybe chew on them.

Aunt Anna and B

Anna and B 2
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

This is my great aunt Anna. She was married to my late uncle Lewis, who was my grandmother's youngest brother. She is 82 and I hope I'm as sharp as her when I get that old. I hope I get that old, period.

She was totally charmed by Brenden, of course.

Sandy, B and Ralph

Sandy, B and Ralph
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

This behemoth is my dad's cat, Ralph the Norwegian Swamp Kitty. He's 19 years old, like my little kitty. He looks larger than our own Big Fat Kitty, but really if you wet Ralph down he's not that big. Photo courtesy Ileana.

Whiny

Whiny
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Take away his favorite chew toy (me), and you see what happens. Normally when he cries I get concerned and try to soothe him, but here I recall just laughing at him. He's so cute when he cries!

Really, I gave him back my knuckle as soon as the photo was snapped.

Knuckle Sandwich

Knuckle Sandwich
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Poor B is teething, which means he will chew on everything he can get his mouth on and he is drooling up a storm. This storm is also accompanied by occasional flurries of fussiness and a slight fever.

You can see, if you look closely, a bunny rattle on his left and a teething ring on his right, but I am really his favorite chew toy.

Sitting

Sitting
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

So much for blogging from Oklahoma. I admit it: I was just too lazy. Many pictures were taken and much fun was had. I will write more when I can.

This is Brenden at 16 weeks. He'll be 4 months old next Thursday.

Dinosaur

Dinosaur
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Open the door
get on the floor
everybody walk the dinosaur.

Brenden at 15 weeks.

ARR! Shiver me timbers, mate! I hope you sea dogs had a right good Talk Like A Pirate Day, especially you naked pirates! AR!

The highlight of my day actually was letting Brenden chew mightily on my knuckles for about an hour. Poor kid is teething something fierce. He's running a low-grade fever and gnawing on anything he can get his gums on.

The three of us are going on a mini-vacation to Oklahoma, where my dad has a place. It's where I spent my vacations as a kid. It's right smack dab in the middle of nowhere. Nontheless I plan to take many pictures and blog from there.

Oh, yeah: It's a 10 hour drive. Pray for me - Brenden isn't the only guy in our family that gets whiny on long trips.

Boy that web stat site Nancy uses is pretty nifty. I had some other interesting search queries:

naked pirates Woo-hoo!! I'm into naked pirates too! Arr! Shiver me timbers mate!!!

newborn screaming Well, I hope you found a more informative site than mine. My kid is pretty easygoing.

naked little boys pic *Sigh*. I knew this would happen if I put a photo up of my kid swimming with his dad. Let me say this: DIE YOU SICK F*&K!! YOU GO TO HELL AND YOU DIE!! I hope your genitals get caught in a garbage disposal, and if you ever touch my child I promise you that's where they will end up! Unless you're an FBI agent trolling for child molesters. Good luck on your hunt then, and punch one of them in the 'nads for me.

I'm amused by how many people are visiting this site because of the lyrics to New Order's "Bizarre Love Triangle". With a title like "Naked Hysterical Screaming" you think this blog would be about something more interesting than a middle-aged nerd's adventures in motherhood, eh?

I just erased my yearly quota for political commentary on this blog. I realized how boring it was. Instead, I'll bring you a meme I pulled from A Small Victory:

This is a list of the top 100 songs from the year I graduated high school (1982).
The songs I hated are struck through.
The songs I hated with a mad passion are struck through and in red.
The songs I don't recognize are normal.
The songs I liked are bold.
The songs I loved are bold w/underlining.

1. Physical, Olivia Newton-John This was the most popular of 82? Oh bleck!

2. Eye Of The Tiger, Survivor Bleah bleah bleah bleah bleah! Bad song for a bad movie!

3. I Love Rock N' Roll, Joan Jett and The Blackhearts I like some of Jett's stuff. Just not this.

4. Ebony And Ivory, Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder Too damn syrupy for me.

5. Centerfold, J. Geils Band Too damn misogynistic for me.

6. Don't You Want Me, Human League Too damn 80's for me.

7. Jack And Diane, John Cougar Don't like Cougar

8. Hurts So Good, John Cougar Even when he's a Mellencamp.

9. Abracadabra, Steve Miller Band I like Steve Miller's stuff but even the filler songs on "Book of Dreams" were a quantum leap better than this one.

10. Hard To Say I'm Sorry, Chicago Too damn generic for me.

11. Tainted Love, Soft Cell I hated it when it first came out but it's so silly it grew on me. There is something tangibly gay about the early 80's new wave stuff and Soft Cell was its apotheosis. No, that's not true. That was the B-52's.

12. Chariots Of Fire, Vangelis Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

13. Harden My Heart, Quarterflash There was way too much of this style of lugubrious crap released in 82. I mean, think about this freaking song. You can't even dance to it! And the worst part is this damn sung got stuck in my brain yesterday. I hate it even more now.

14. Rosanna, Toto See # 10

15. I Can't Go For That, Daryl Hall and John Oates see # 14

16. 867-5309 (Jenny), Tommy Tutone The one hit wonder that explains why fictitious numbers begin with 555.

17. Key Largo, Bertie Higgins - What? Good movie, though.

18. You Should Hear How She Talks About You, Melissa Manchester - Again, what?

19. Waiting For A Girl Like You, Foreigner See #13.

20. Don't Talk To Strangers, Rick Springfield My god, this was a horrible year for music!

21. The Sweetest Thing, Juice Newton -Yet again, what?

22. Always On My Mind, Willie Nelson - I'm drawing a blank here, too.

23. Shake It Up, Cars At least this song was upbeat. Still too vanilla.

24. Let It Whip, Dazz Band Yet another blank but I'm sure I hated it.

25. We Got The Beat, Go-Go's Let me explain. No, that would take too long. Let me sum up: The Go-Go's opened for the Police's "Ghost in the Machine" tour. Most fun concert I ever went to.

26. The Other Woman, Ray Parker Jr. - blank blank

27. Turn Your Love Around, George Benson - blankety blankety blank

28. Sweet Dreams, Air Supply Actually I don't remember this song either but I'm hating it on general principles.

29. Only The Lonely, Motels Same as 13.

30. Who Can It Be Now?, Men At Work I liked these guys, although I seem to remember I didn't want to admit it.

31. Hold Me, Fleetwood Mac Not a big Mac fan (heh) but I seem to recall liking this song.

32. Eye In The Sky, Alan Parsons Project Being a geek it was obligatory of me at the time for me to like APP. Fortunately I never translated my vinyl LPs of their pap to cds.

33. Let's Groove, Earth, Wind and Fire - I don't remember this but I'm sure it was groovy.

34. Open Arms, Journey Hating this one on general principles, too.

35. Leader Of The Band, Dan Fogelberg - Bet it is as boring as it appears to be.

36. Leather And Lace, Stevie Nicks and Don Henley Stevie Nicks can't sing.

37. Even The Nights Are Better, Air Supply It was a truly horrendous year if Air Supply had 2 hits.

38. I've Never Been To Me, Charlene - huh?

39. '65 Love Affair, Paul Davis - again, huh?

40. Heat Of The Moment, Asia I had a hippie friend named Alan (not that Alan, Helly) who once commented that with Howe, Wetton, Downes and Palmer in a band, recording this song was like "Buying a Ferrari and only going 20 miles and hour".

41. Take It Easy On Me, Little River Band Again, invoking the general principles rule.

42. Pac-man Fever, Buckner and Garcia You have to be frickin kidding me.

43. That Girl, Stevie Wonder So sue me, I'm not a fan.

44. Private Eyes, Daryl Hall and John Oates Did I mention how badly this year sucked?

45. Trouble, Lindsey Buckingham - blanking. I'm sure it was bad.

46. Making Love, Roberta Flack - Another blank.

47. Love's Been A Little Bit Hard On Me, Juice Newton I remember the video was cute. Sort of. Maybe not.

48. Young Turks, Rod Stewart Retch.

49. Freeze-frame, J. Geils Band Gaah!

50. Keep The Fire Burnin', REO Speedwagon Only halfway there???? Will it get any better??

51. Do You Believe In Love, Huey Lewis and The News Not if it means I have to listen to crap like this song.

52. Cool Night, Paul Davis - who the hell was Paul Davis? The name isn't even registering.

53. Caught Up In You, 38 Special I don't even have an opinion.

54. Why Do Fools Fall In Love?, Diana Ross because they have nothing better to do.

55. Love In The First Degree, Alabama - nada.

56. Hooked On Classics, Royal Philharmonic Orchestra is there anything more evil than classical music set to a beat? Other than J Geils, REO Speedwagon, Stevie Nicks, Hall and Oates, Air Supply, Rick Springfield, Foriegner, And Journey. And Toto. Especially Toto.

57. Wasted On The Way, Crosby, Stills and Nash - Don't remember it.

58. Think I'm In Love, Eddie Money Heard one Eddie Money song you heard them all. And that's one too many.

59. Love Is In Control, Donna Summer - Don't remember it.

60. Personally, Karla Bonoff - Amnesia.

61. One Hundred Ways, Quincy Jones - Same here although that might be too bad.

62. Blue Eyes, Elton John Dude, remember "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road"? That was a good album, full of good songs, even "Bennie and the Jets". This song isn't even on the same planet as anything off that album.

63. Our Lips Are Sealed, Go-Go's See #25

64. You Could Have Been Wih Me, Sheena Easton Am I the only one who was happy when her character bit the dust on Miami Vice?

65. You Can Do Magic, America General principles!

66. Did It In A Minute, Daryl Hall and John Oates I bet they did.

67. I Ran, A Flock Of Seagulls About as gay as Soft Cell but not as much fun.

68. Somebody's Baby, Jackson Browne More evil.

69. Oh No, Commodores - no recuerdo.

70. Take It Away, Paul McCartney - Otra vez, no recuerdo. I bet it was boring, though.

71. It's Gonna Take A Miracle, Deneice Williams - Don't remember

72. Love Will Turn You Around, Kenny Rogers - Don't remember.

73. Don't Stop Believin', Journey I Remember it all too well.

74. Comin' In And Out Of Your Life, Barbra Streisand - Thank goodness I don't remember this one.

75. Gloria, Laura Branigan Argh.

76. Empty Garden, Elton John Double Argh!

77. Yesterday's Songs, Neil Diamond My disdain for Mr. Diamond is legendary.

78. Crimson And Clover, Joan Jett and The Blackhearts Okay I like this one.

79. Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic, Police Odd. The Go-go's have 2 songs ahead of this one, yet they opened for the Police. Who are a band I loved. Still do.

80. Here I Am, Air Supply THREE Air Supply hits in one year!

81. I Keep Forgettin', Michael Mcdonald I keep forgettin how bad his songs were. And the Doobie Brothers sucked too!

82. Get Down On It, Kool and The Gang Blah.

83. Any Day Now, Ronnie Milsap Snooooore

84. Make A Move On Me, Olivia Newton-John Oh, god, make it stop make it stop...!

85. Take My Heart, Kool and The Gang Take my hearing.

86. Mirror Mirror, Diana Ross on the wall, who's the most boring female singer of them all?

87. Vacation, Go-Go's Okay, I didn't like this song.

88. (Oh) Pretty Woman, Van Halen Don't remake songs by people who sing better than you.

89. Should I Do It, Pointer Sisters No.

90. Hot In The City, Billy Idol And I like Billy Idol in a cheesy sort of way. But this just didn't do it for me.

91. Kids In America, Kim Wilde HahahahahahahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHEHEHEHEheheheheheh. Heh.

92. Man On Your Mind, Little River Band blah.

93. What's Forever For, Michael Murphy blah blah.

94. Waiting On A Friend, Rolling Stones Can you believe these geezers are on tour? They were old when *this* song was released!

95. Do I Do, Stevie Wonder Like I said, not a fan.

96. Working For The Weekend, Loverboy What can I say about Loverboy? Besides "Take the bandana off your head, you look retarded".

97. Goin' Down, Greg Guidry Goin' nowhere.

98. Arthur's Theme, Christopher Cross blah blah blah.

99. Through The Years, Kenny Rogers blah blah blah blah.

100. Edge Of Seventeen, Stevie Nicks blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah!

I think the above might explain why I was deeply attracted to bands like Joy Division, Husker Du, Black Flag, Killing Joke and Echo and the Bunnymen. Yes, I liked a band called Echo and the Bunnymen, and right now I'm pining for the pork of the porcupine, thankyouverymuch.

Being Happy

Being Happy
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

All righty then! Here's the 14 week photo. Does B look staged or what? He wasn't! As you can see he has found his hands. Check out Flickr for more of Brenden being Brenden.

I have a loooooong-assed post I should post this afternoon.

I turned on comment verification before I get inundated with frickin' spammers. I had to delete one; I left the other one up so I could call him/her a TURD! A FRICKIN' LOW DOWN PIECE OF DOGCRAP SPAMMER!!! DIE SPAMMER DIE SLOWLY!!!!

*Ahem* Now back to our regularly scheduled blog:

Letter to Brenden Month 3:

Well, honey; things are progressing pretty much the same. You are using your hands more. Quite often you have them imperfectly clasped in front of you or you have a deathgrip on your bib or a rattle or my hair. You are also vocalizing more. You have an amazing vocabulary! I wish I knew what you were saying.

I like that you are so friendly and talkative. I think we've established at what end of the introvert-extrovert spectrum you will lean towards. I think it's a good thing! Your smiles are wonderful and your squeals delightful. And I love it when you chew on my shirt when I'm trying to burp you.

You still aren't sleeping through the night, darn you. I hope that will change in Month 4, when I'm going to start feeding you baby food. Of course that will precipitate more adventurous diapering moments as well. A few days ago I was talking with you and I heard a horrendous noise from your backside. I was afraid to change you for what I might find. It was fairly typical, fortunately, but dang that was loud! From the sound of it I was expecting a load worthy of an incontinent Great Dane.

I can sit you on my lap and with assistance you can hold your head steady. I am also enjoying lifting you up by your legs so that you can hang in the air like a monkey. In some ways you're more fun that putting masking tape on a cat's paw. Not that I've ever done that.

Keep up the good work, kiddo. Your dad and I love you very much. And hurry up and sleep, will ya?

1000 yard stare

1000 yard stare
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Brenden at 13 weeks / 3 months. This photo was taken just before bedtime, if you can't tell. Some people are telling me he has my eyes. I dunno; I'll have to post a photo of me for comparison one of these days.

Fascinated

Fascinated
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

You know, this quilt actually looks kind of yummy....

Yep. Pretty tasty!

Yep. Pretty tasty!
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Yummm! Mmmm mmm mmm! Slurp slurp slurp! Mmmmmm!

Bug!

Bug!
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Eek!!!!!!!

Happy Brenden

Happy Brenden
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Here's yet another pic of B that just cracks me up. He looks so relaxed! No, I did not put any Crown Royal in his Enfamil.

Wow, I actually have a moment to blog again. First off, I'm not experiencing depression any more. How do I know? Jon said something that upset me the other day but instead of brooding on it until I burst into tears, I felt aggravated for about 2 minutes until something distracted me. It must have been a good six hours later before I remembered the incident. Surprised at my reaction (or lack thereof), I tried to force myself to dwell on the incident to see what would happen. What happened was I felt a gigantic wave of apathy for the whole thing and a strong desire to go play Sid Meier's Pirates.

So I'm really happy about that. Yes, I'm still on Zoloft. At the end of this month I'm going to see my psychiatrist and talk to her about weaning myself off of this stuff.

Jon had his first day of taking care of Brenden without any help. He tried to take B to a meeting at the airport, where B a) started howling and b)took a big dump. Jon managed to slide his finger into B's poop when checking the diaper, and also accidentally knocked over a bottle of formula while trying to change him. Then he tried to calm B down by feeding him with a new bottle but B was having none of that. Needless to say Jon had a rough time at the meeting. When I got home from work Jon had to take some serious medication, several beers, and a Butterfinger Blizzard to calm down. I realize that on the days where I take care of him myself, I'm not trying to really do anything else. It's tougher trying to do your job and take care of an infant at the same time.

Over the weekend we had another pool party and the two skydivers who just had a baby (Emma Cate) brough her with them. She's a cute but fussy baby. I was very amused that when she would start fussing B would screw up his face and cry too. I had to take him into his room while feeding him and sing "You are my Sunshine" about 100 times to keep him from starting up. Speaking of songs, jeez I haven't posted a top 10 post in forever!

Top 10 Songs I Sing (badly) to my Son

10: The Spongebob Squarepants Theme Duh. Especially when the show is on and we're watching.

9: Bad Boys Especially when Cops is on and we're watching. Which is unfortunately quite often.

8: Mack the Knife Bobby Darin style, of course. With Steve Martin hand movements.

7: What's New, Pussycat? I totally admit to singing that song to him so that I could put it in this list.

6: You are my Sunshine My only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray...

5: Old MacDonald's Hey you knew there had to be cliches classics in here somewhere. Usually accompanied by his myriad of stuffed animals. Even the dinosaur and Cthulhu.

4: Good morning to you Actually, this is sung to the tune of 'Happy Birthday to You'. My mom used to sing it to me when waking me up. "Good morning to you, good morning to you. Good morning good morning, good morning to you."

3: Bizarre Love Triangle The world's only dance song that sounds good a capella. Although not when I sing it. Every time I see you fall I get down on my knees and pray....

2: Rock n' Roll all Night and party every day! Sung often while I'm feeding him and (of course) rocking in the comfy chair.

1: Surrender Cheap trick! Mommy's all right, daddy's all right, they just seem a little wierd...

Tasty Arm

Tasty Arm
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Well I guess I should post a Brenden at 12 weeks pic. The only thing he likes about being on his stomach is he seems to find his arms and hands easier when he wants something to chew on.

Weight lifting

Weight lifting
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Pumpin' Iron! Actually pumpin' silver. That's a rattle David King gave us at the baby shower. Pay no attention to the booger in B's nose.

Brenden at the DZ

Brenden at the DZ
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Brenden at 11 weeks. I love that smile. We go out and visit the DZ on the weekends now. He's such a good kid; he'll let anyone hold him and talk to him. He never gets upset at strangers.

B!

B!
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Click on this photo to get the full effect. Jon took this photo this morning; Brenden had just woken up. Even the most beautiful people in the world have their goofy moments.

Speaking of Jon, Happy Birthday, honey!!! >>SMOOCH!<<

Tigger, Cthulhu, and Brenden

Tigger, Cthulhu, and Brenden
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Best Buds!

Brenden's Play Mat

Brenden's Play Mat
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Brenden at 10 weeks. As you can see, I am physically incapable of going shopping without buying him something.

I took the Personality Defect Test and I scored:

Robot

You are 85% Rational, 0% Extroverted, 42% Brutal, and 42% Arrogant.

You are the Robot! You are characterized by your rationality. In fact, this is really ALL you are characterized by. Like a cold, heartless machine, you are so logical and unemotional that you scarcely seem human. For instance, you are very humble and don't bother thinking of your own interests, you are very gentle and lack emotion, and you are also very introverted and introspective. You may have noticed that these traits are just as applicable to your laptop as they are to a human being. In short, your personality defect is that you don't really HAVE a personality. You are one of those annoying, super-logical people that never gets upset or flustered. Unless, of course, you short circuit.

Why does this not surprise me?

Brenden chewing on his fist

Brenden chewing on his fist
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Here is Brenden at 2 months/9 weeks. He's thinking about just how much of a slacker his mom is when it comes to blog updates.

Brenden had his 2 Month checkup Monday. He is now 13 pounds, 8 ounces and 24 inches tall. He also received his first immunization shots, which he did not like very much. He calmed down pretty fast though, and slept most of the day. He was somewhat cranky when he wasn't sleeping but no fever thank goodness. And now it's time for:

Letter to Brenden: Month 2

Time flew by during my maternity leave. I'm back at work and I'm missing you. You have grown fast and have all ready outgrown a huge selection of clothing. You don't much like being on your tummy which is a shame. I don't want you to miss the crawling stage. Having said that, I have noticed that you have more strength in your neck even though you tend to still slouch when you are put in your chair or the stroller.

I got to experience your first howl of pain (since being yanked from my uterus) when I tried to pick you out of your crib and you lurched forward and banged your head against the railing. Scared the shit out of me and I cried along with you. You weren't even bruised! Still, I'm sorry hon. I'll be more careful.

When I look at you, the way you move your mouth, your facial expression, and your hands seem to indicate you are on the verge of saying something. When you do say something it has a lot of vowels in it. You have started saying "Goo!" as well. I am seriously considering teaching you sign language. At first I heard that it would retard your ablility to speak but then I found out that was incorrect. From what I now gather it helps speed up speaking. It might be fun. I already know the signs for "eat", "milk", "more", and "poop", thanks to the movie Meet the Fokkers.

The new things you do this month is you will sometimes smile at me if I smile at you and say something. I love that. You will also wave your little arms and legs around more excitedly. It's odd, because you do the same thing when you are restless or tired, but there is a difference in the way you move. I can tell the difference between the "Whee, I'm having fun!" waving and the "This blows and I want sleep!" waving.

You can also pull up your legs and roll to one side real well. That scares me so now I am changing you on the carpet using the Irish philosophy of "you can't fall off the floor". I think the Irish were referring to drinking, but it applies. Besides, I feel comfortable walking off for a few seconds to retrieve something I forgot if you are on the floor. The only think I have to worry about is Pookie coming along and you grabbing her.

That's another thing: you are gripping things and it seems not so accidental. Like the cat (she really doesn't seem to mind), my hair (I don't mind either. Yet.), my shirt, or the blanket I lay you on. You also occasionally hook one of your toys and flail that around. But I really love the way that you will grab the tip of one of my fingers, and pull it towards your mouth and chew/lick/dribble on it. I just melt when you do that.

Anyway, you are still growing like a weed, eating like a pig, and doing a great imitation of David Byrne. I can't wait to see what month 3 brings.

Swimming with B

Swimming with B
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Dr. Evil and Mini-me went swimming last night. As you might be able to tell from B, it was a little cool. I am so going to get arrested for this photo, aren't I?

That red spot on his left arm is a birthmark.

Homies

Homies
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Brenden at 8 weeks.

Here he be chillin wit some of his homies. The rest of his posse is back at the crib.

Somebody shoot me for writing that.

Funny moment

Funny moment
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

This great photo was taken by Ileana. Dad and I are sharing a laugh because Brenden let a big one rip. For such a tiny little fellow he can blow some large notes!

Nancy, Mark, and Anthony came for a visit on Tuesday. Nancy wrote about it here; I'd like to add how grateful Jon and I were to have a night of uniterrupted sleep. I woke up every 2 or 3 hours out of habit, but still it was a wonderful luxury.

I got a kick out of Anthony, who is developing his autonomy by insisting "NO!" on everything except "cackas" (crackers). It's something all kids go through from what I understand, so I was getting a sneak preview of 2007.

Nancy put a pic of Brenden on her blog and I want to thank her for giving me a CD of the pictures she took. That pic by far is my favorite of him. It really captures how beautiful he is. I'm going to print out a copy of it to take with me to work. For some reason that picture reminds me of my dad when I was a kid many moons ago.

In a follow-up to yesterday's post: Brenden and I have a new diaper changing ritual. Usually after changing him but before I rebutton his onesie, I usually give him a kiss or a raspberry on his little belly. Now I do the same, but I chant, Beavis and Butthead-like: Breakin the law! Breakin the law!!

Oh holy crap! I've kissed my son on the belly button! Oh, hell; will I get arrested because I've wiped his ass? Because I have had to hold up his nutsack to get all the poop off his body? How about washing around his willy? Yeah, that's right! When I give Brenden a bath he's NEKKID!!!

I finally got my head out of my ass long enough to go read some other blogs. If you haven't all ready, you *have* to read this post of Helly's. I lmao'd pretty hard.

Dirty Cat

Dirty Cat
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Things must be returning to normal because I'm catblogging again. I know many people hold catbloggers in high contempt, but what do they know? You either have been enslaved by the master race or you haven't. And if you have, then sites like this are like, well, catnip.

7 Weeks

7 Weeks
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

I love our son. Did I mention that?

This week is my last week of pregnancy leave. I wish I could stay at home; on the other hand it will be good to get my life on track.

We will have help with Brenden here at the house so we won't have to put him in daycare at such a young age. That is a big relief. I'm not against daycare but it is a last resort in my mind.

The big reason I haven't written more in the blog is because I had a whopping case of post-partum depression. My head doc put me on a higher dose of Zoloft, and that seems to be working. Depression sucks; that's all I have to say about that.

Brenden at 6 Weeks

B at 6 Weeks
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

He's still growing like a weed. He weighs about 12 pounds now. He still sleeps intermittently, although he's good at letting me get a little throughout the night. My blogging is sporadic for many reasons; I hope to post something more in depth sometime this week.

Brenden meets Grandpa

Brenden meets Grandpa
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Brenden Edward Maynard meets Ed Boykin, my dad. When Brenden is old enough, he is going to go fishing with his grandpa down at the farm in Oklahoma just like I did when I was a kid.

My 2 sons

My 2 sons
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Okay, I hate how I look in this photo. Yes I just woke up. But I do like the way Brenden and I are looking at each other. Then, of course, There's SPOOKY KITTY.

That pillow the three of us are using is 4 feet long and cost $9.95 at Wal-Mart and saved my life when I was pregnant. Now I can't get rid of it.

Chill out

Chill out
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Look at those chubby cheeks! Brenden's 5 weeks old today.

Swing Bee

Swing Bee
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Brenden at 4 weeks. The kid has more furniture than the rest of the house combined!

Jon and some others have taken to nickname him "B". The first time I heard it I thought about what Faith used to call Buffy. You're mom's a nerd, kiddo.

Aged Cat

Aged Cat
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Most people can't find good aged cat at the grocery store. So I'm starting a mail order business where I'll ship aged kitty anywhere in the 48 contiguous states.

This offer void where prohibited by law; Alabama residents add 9% sales tax.

Just a small update today: Brenden went for his 4-week checkup yesterday and clocked in at 10 pounds, 5 ounces. More than 2 pounds since birth. Every thing else is A-OK.

We also have been seeing real smiles, not those nifty gas smiles where his eyes roll in his head and he shows a healthy amount of gums. I can tell he's registering information - if I hold a bottle in front of his face at feeding time his eyes light up and he pretty much lunges for the nipple. And other than his normal "eh - eh - eh - eh" vocabulary, he emits this interesting sound once in a while that reminds me of a kitten. Not a "mew" really, but close. Guess the cats are talking to him when I'm asleep or something.

I totally ripped this idea off from Dooce, who writes a monthly newsletter to her daughter, Leta. If I write these things some time during the first week of the month I figure I'll be doing good.

Dear Brenden:

You are a month old, pretty much. You, your father, and I are of course adjusting to life together. I knew it would be tough as in time-consuming, but I don't think your father understood it until now. I hope he still tries to be a stay-at-home dad, and hopefully we can find some help where you won't have to be put in daycare.

You seem well; I'm vigilant for signs of athsma/allergies or anything else but so far you are healthy. I am still hoping you inherited your dad's immune system and not mine which catches bugs the way Willie Mays caught pop-ups.

You are growing at an amazing rate. I had to move you into a larger crib all ready. Besides, I think you were getting bored of the same white walls and now you can look through the slats. You do seem entranced by the little stuffed kitty I hung from the railing. Good taste, kiddo. Get used to cats.

Just to make sure I do my job of thoroughly embarrasing you when you're old enough to read this, I want you to know I have been sorely tempted to post pictures of you naked. You're little body is so adorable but there's too many whackos in the world plus I don't want to be thrown in the hoosegow for kiddie porn. But I will tell you this: both your pediatrician and a nurse separately complimented you on how good your circumcision looks. I haven't seen many circumsised baby weenies so I couldn't tell you. All I know is I'm glad the doctor didn't slip.

And last: Every day I'm amazed at what I feel for you. I guess it's what they mean by 'bonding'. I was sure I loved you in the hospital but what I feel now makes that time pale. You are a sweet baby and only really cry when you need me to wake up and take care of you NOW, dammit, and sometimes you get gas real bad and there's nothing I can do but wait until you blow it out. Sometimes I get overwhelmed but if your dad is here we tag-team. If he's not then I cry it out, suck it in, and drive on.

To use a cliche, you're a miracle, kid. All I want now in my life is to be able to watch you grow up.


And now for something completely different: I have this pre-ordered. Click on the pic and read the top right blurb in the ad.

new crib

new crib
Originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Brenden blah blah blah Brenden blah blah blah Brenden blah blah blah Brenden blah blah blah Brenden blah blah blah Brenden blah blah blah Brenden blah blah blah Brenden blah blah blah Brenden blah blah blah Brenden blah blah blah Brenden blah blah blah Brenden blah blah blah Brenden.