Jon in Switzerland

Jon in Switzerland, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

The world is a very small place, these days. Jon just emailed me this photo while he was out drinking with his buddies after a relaxing day of jumping off mountains. As you can see from this photo, its no wonder BASE jumpers like to vacation there.

Yesterday I went to Target to get some prescriptions filled, and I thought of a little present I wanted to get Brenden for when he actually called me 'mama'. I found a little 'Terence the tractor' figure (one of Thomas the Tank Engine's friends). Brenden adores Terence. Every time the episode comes on where Terence pulls Thomas out of a snow bank Brenden will run around the house looking for Jon and I going "Ooo dada wook! Ooo dada wook! Dachoo! Dachoo!"

Anyway, I got home and wrestled with the packaging to extract the toy (that plastic is tough! You almost need a blowtorch to cut it), put it in my pocket, and went and got Brenden. He almost immediately called me 'mama' so of course besides showering him with love like an overaffectionate labrador (without all the slobber) I gave him his tractor.

He played with it all night and took it to bed with him. In the morning he asked me where it was so I retrieved it from his bedsheets and he took it with him to daycare. Brenden loves Spongebob but Terence is a God to him.

And to remark on Nancy's comment from last post: Fun with pronouns! I can see why they can be a difficult concept to grasp. Brenden, when he wants to be picked up, runs around in front of meand holds up his arms with an expectant smile on his face. He doesn't do it often; mostly after we've run to and around the park for several hours and I'm exhausted.

Breakthrough!

himom, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Brenden is not only now acquiring new vocabulary at a fairly active clip, he's saying "mama"!

Of course, he's not calling me mama. Here's a fairly common conversation:

B: "Dada, ado! Dada, ado!"
Me: (points to my chest) "No, I'm mama!"
B: (points to his chest) "I'm mama!"

One step at a time, I say.

More Randomness

swinging3, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Arr, everyone! It's Talk like a Pirate Day. I still think it should be "Drink Like a Pirate" day so that more people will participate. If you are a Pastafarian I know it's a holy day for you. Avast!

Jon is leaving for Switzerland this morning. He's going to go jump off some cliffs. It will be just Brenden and I for a week. I would love to go, but I have no vacation time, plus I don't want to make that kind of travel will a small child in tow. Jon is taking the camera and has promised lots of pictures.

He asked me, by the way, if I minded if he went. No, I don't mind. Of course I will worry some but he's a grown-up and I trust him to make good decisions. Sometime next year I plan to take a mini-vacation by myself, but it will probably be somewhere warm and near an ocean (with no cliff-jumping!). No firm plans as of yet.

Brenden seems to have some allergies - many people are suffering right now and he's had a runny nose, runny eyes, and a slight fever. It's not bad enough where I want to take him to an allergist just yet.

I forgot to mention: I took a bunch of photos of Sportsman's Lake Park in Cullman. If it looks deserted to you it's because it was 8 in the morning on a Sunday. We had the whole park to ourselves! Jon came along and he was as entertained by Brenden feeding and chasing ducks as I was.

Random Musings

sitting, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

We finished up Deadwood. I shall miss all those -ers.

I know all the trains and songs in the Thomas the Tank Engine series by heart. My favorite engine is Edward, of course.

I finally saw Mike Judge's Idiocracy. Like all of Mr. Judge's work, this movie is funny and underneath scary as poop. Imagine going to sleep one day and waking up in a world 500 years from now where the average IQ is roughly the same as Patrick the Starfish (or Beavis and Butthead, if you will). This movie has my favorite Wilson Brother (Luke). He plays an ordinairy (G.I.) Joe who wakes up 500 years in the future because of a messed-up military experiment. It's a world where the #1 movie at the box office is called ASS, which features 90 minutes of the same butt on screen the whole time punctuated occasionally by a fart. It's a world where no one drinks water - they drink a gatorade-like drink, which has electrolytes. No one can tell him what electrolytes are or what they are good for, but it must be better than water because it has electrolytes. Nobody listens to him because he talks like a fag and he also reads, which is a fag activity. Sound familiar? Getting scared yet? Mike Judge is a visionary.

In other news: Robert Jordan has died. He was writing the last book of a 12-book series. I have read all 11. My condolences to his wife, family and friends, but damn damn damn damn damn. I demand that George R.R. Martin be placed in the Witness Protection program.

In other other news: My sense of smell is now working fairly regularly now which is nice. Brenden is starting to cooperate when we try to get him to say specific words. He still draws the line at "mama", though. ("ball" "baw!" "bat" "ba!" "baby" "bebe" "cat" "kyat!" "mama" "DADA!")

Letter to Brenden Month 27:

copping a rest, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Well, Brenden; you are two and a quarter years old and you still refuse to speak anything other than Brendenese. You are picking up words here or there and even the occasional sign-language sign. You are comprehending more and are able to follow complex commands. You wanted to use your computer yesterday. You said "Dada, wagh! Dada, wagh!" "Wagh" is your word for 'light', which you have logically compounded to mean computer. I told you (as I've been telling you for almost 2 weeks) "Dada isn't here. I'm mama!" to which you will look at me like I've gone stupid, and say "Wagh! Wagh!"

When dada is home, by the way, I will respond to you calling me "dada" by saying "dada is in the bathroom/kitchen/computer room." Whereby you will head to that room to investigate instead of having to stoop to call me "mama".

But back to the computer, when you dropped the "dada" bit and just referred to the "Wagh" I said "First we must pick up your toys in the living room". Usually I have to point to each and every toy, but you picked up many things on your own. Most of them ended up in the correct boxes, which impressed me.

So I let you play on the computer. You can point and click pretty well, and you know where the "B" key is (also known as the "beeeeee!" key). I had to punish you and remove the computer, because you shut it down by pulling out the power plug. That's a big no-no, there, Cochise.

I'm very proud of you that when we walk around the neighborhood, if you hear a car, you will run up onto the grass away from the street. Yesterday you even reprimanded me for not getting on the grass. I was standing in the gutter. You told me said "dada ado!" "dada ado!" and pointed to the grass next to you. "Ado" is Brendenese for "let's go there".

You must taste real good to ants because you are finding all the ant nests around the house. You are covered with little bites. Every time we find a nest we try to kill it but the survivors manage to move somewhere else. I wish I could rent a couple of anteaters. Of course you would just chase them around like you chase poor kitty.

What We're Watching:

DSCF0089, originally uploaded by Drewnl09.

Not much, but Spongebob has a competitor now for Brenden's little toddler heart. It should be no surprise to anyone but I finally bought him a Thomas the Tank Engine dvd (narrated by George Carlin!), mainly because we caught an episode on PBS over the Labor Day weekend and he went ballistic because I couldn't play it again. Brenden already has lots of little TTTE toys, shirts, and books.

Jon and I are watching the last season of Deadwood when we can. If Brenden is still up we turn the sound down, because that is the most foul-mouthed show *ever*. Nevertheless I'm still cringing thinking about the day he calls his babysitter a "c--- s---ing c--t".

Despite the vulgarisms, Jon and I realized how much we love the show because we really missed the characters. The two protagonists (and occasionally antagonists) are Al Swearengen (Ian McShane) and Seth Bullock (Timothy Olyphant). While Al, a saloon keeper, was ostensibly introduced as the bad guy and Bullock as the good guy, (he sets up shop in Deadwood to sell hardware but eventually becomes sheriff), they've traded places and allied occasionally throughout the series. Right now they are best buds because someone even nastier than Al, (George Hearst, patriarch of the infamous Hearst family you might have heard of) has moseyed into town trying to buy up everyone's gold mines and he has the muscle to make it happen one way or the other.

I've really come to love Al, even though he is one evil sumbitch. He is such a howl and despite his murderous ways he is brave and follows his own code of ethics. (I came to sympathise occasionally with Tony Soprano, but I never liked him. I love Al). Seth Bullock is so upright and upstanding I'm sure he poops diamonds (don't get me wrong, I like him too; especially when he gets his sense of justice all in an uproar. There wasn't one person watching who didn't cheer when he hauled Hearst off to jail literally by the ear).

But it's not just them; there's the ill-fated Wild Bill Hickock (not a spoiler if you know your history), his friends the decent Charlie Utter and the wonderfully loopy but good-souled Calamity Jane (she's our favorite). There's also Doc Cochran (Brad Dourif in a non-slimy role) who saw way too much during the Civil War and has perhaps the biggest heart in town (and pays for it).

I really care about these people and what happens to them. I curse the powers-that-be at HBO for cancelling this most excellent show. Now that they've cancelled David Milch's John From Cincinnatti (no offense Mr. Milch, but that cancellation was warranted), maybe he can get around to making those Deadwood movies he promised us to wrap up all the story lines.

Labor Day

Hi dad, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Brenden and I had a semi-busy weekend. Friday we ran to the park near the house and investigated many rocks, leaves, pine cones, and small animals. Brenden passed by a slide he had fallen off about a year ago (I swear I looked away for only a second!). He pointed to it and said "Ow!" and rubbed his butt with his other hand. (He fell on his ass). Pretty darn good memory!

I really can't remember what we did Saturday. I'm sure it had something to do with shopping and swimming in the pool. Sunday morning I went out to tackle some overgrown bushes in the back yard when I heard Brenden screaming. I ran to him and found a swarm of ants on his feet. Poor kid was standing in an ant's nest! I took him inside and slathered his feet with hydrocortisone and gave him some benadryl. He was out of it for most of the day - not sleeping, but not really active. I used the time to catch up on some couch potatoing and finished William Gibson's 'Pattern Recognition'. Science has finally caught up to his fiction so he's writing modern-day thrillers now.

Brenden made up some time on Monday, when we went to Sportsman's lake park in Cullman. It's a nice SHADY park with a little lake. The lake has a duck and goose population that are spoiled by people feeding them bread and crackers. Some folks were good enough to share their bread with Brenden. He got a big kick out of feeding the ducks.

In other Brenden news he has another tooth coming in. He's not supposed to get another one for a while, but he's got another upper molar peeking out. He's also still refusing to say 'mama'.

Under the Table

under the table, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

I know what you're thinking: "Sheesh! Is she ever gonna update?"

Not much is happening. Brenden finally had his first speech lesson. We've been instructed not to respond to him unless he uses the correct words, like I need to stop responding to him when he calls me "da-da". That's going to make for a long weekend.

Is there anything else happening? Nah, not really. Have a great holiday weekend, everyone!

More swimming lessons

More swimming lessons, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

I've mentioned before that el jefe and I have spent most of our outdoor time in the pool during this scorching month. Unlike previous years, I have enjoyed the pool a great deal this year. Usually around this time I would have begun to neglect the pool out of disinterest and it would be muddy green but it looks pristine blue right now.

I guess the big difference is how much Brenden enjoys it. He is comfortable with those little inflatable water wings and he paddles around like he's been doing it his whole life.

We had a thunderstorm roll through Friday afternoon and it was cool enough we went out on the front porch where I blew bubbles and he chased them. He also wanted to go run up and down the street, which we did. It was too late for us to go all the way to the park, but we ran (and I do mean run, that little guy is fast!) for a good 20 minutes or so.

Saturday was Jon's birthday so I baked him a cake and B and I spent a little time with him at the DZ. They were superbusy so we left before 10. Then we came home and swam, swam, swam. We started Sunday off with some swimming, too. Matter of fact we spent several hours in the pool. Then came lunch and some Spongebob and I finally got Brenden to nap for a while. I planned to take him back to the pool after dinner (spaghetti!).

We went out at about a quarter after five. I had not been paying attention to the weather, and it was getting cloudy. I told B we'd stay as long as I didn't hear any thunder. I was thinking the clouds would pass to the east of us, but the pattern was screwy because the clouds decided to blow from the southeast to the northwest. I heard thunder so B and I went indoors much to B's dismay. I let him play in the bathtub for an hour and he was happy.

That was our weekend; pretty much like all the weekends of this summer.

BUUUUUUURP!

buuuuuuurp, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

What we're watching:
Brenden doesn't insist on his train DVD so much so we're back to a steady diet of Spongebob. We've also managed to see a few movies recently:

Scary Movie IV The less said about this one the better. Hey, you watch The Alphabet Train 7,421 times in a row and see how desperate you get!

300 I knew I was going to like this movie but really I loved it! It has everything I love about movies: Men in very little clothing yelling at each other. The Spartans were wearing things kind of like tighty whiteys (except brown) and red capes, greaves, and helmets. And big honking shields. And swords and spears.

Apparently "Sparta" is a greek word meaning "badass mother[BLEEP]er" as a group of 300 Spartans, led by King Leonides, held back a bazillion Persians led by King Xerxes at the battle of Thermopylae. They held out for 3 days before being betrayed (hope I didn't spoil it for you) but Xerxes' highly disproportianate losses helped defeat his desire to extend his empire into Greece.

The movie does go into Spartan society just enough to see how such men were raised - I was surprised to discover that Spartan women held more status than I previously thought (I got that from reading, not from the movie, which I originally thought was exaggerating to make the Spartans more sympathetic). They certainly held more status than Athenian women, and could even hold land (a common occurence in societies where men died off at a pretty active clip). Women who died in childbirth were given the same honor and burials as men who died in combat.

A quick side note here: I don't mind cultures that regard women's number 1 duty is to be mothers so long as they honor their women. Cultures that insist on treating women as crap are the ones that piss me off. How anyone can justify treating their mom so bad is beyond me.

Anyways, awesome movie! Bloody, stylistic, and many buff bodies. Hoo-ra!

Letter to Brenden Month 26

dada!, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Little dude, why are you so stubborn? I know you can learn new words; just last night you were saying "cheep cheep cheep!" along with the little chicks in the Barnyard Dance book you like so much. Yet you will get all shirty with me if I ask you to say "mama".

So as you stubbornly refuse to learn more words, you stubbornly work on your swimming. We go into the pool every day (and in this weather, I am insanely happy we have one) and you have started to kick around the shallow end (wearing a ring floatie). You will chase me or dad in slow motion and that's more fun than a train-load of monkeys.

All aboard

allaboard, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Our semi-impromptu trip to Chattanooga was fun. We met up with Mark, Nancy, and Anthony and ate breakfast at the hotel's restaurant (fantastic hash - how many times do you get to say that?) then missed the first train at the museum. We wandered around the parked train cars for a bit in the scorching heat then hid out in the depot for a while.

The steam train WAS!!! AWESOME!!! That wasn't B's reaction, that was mine. I've never seen a steam engine that actually ran and it was *n*i*f*t*y. Brenden got a kick out if it too. After the choo-choo ride we all went to eat lunch at an available Applebee's. Brenden decided to sleep for most of it but woke up in time to devour his corn dog. Brenden is all about corn dogs. I was totally impressed with Anthony, who wanted fries but was denied because of his peanut allergy. Me, I would have thrown a conniption fit at his age. Anthony was disappointed, but didn't go into hysterics or anything.

It was a fun, relaxed, absolutely scorching week and I always enjoy seeing my old friends.

The Tick (paraphrased)

The Tick 2, originally uploaded by celiathepoet.

From an old friend; the best quote about parenting. Ever.

Everybody was a baby once, Sandra. Oh, sure, maybe not today, or even yesterday. But once! Babies, chum: tiny, dimpled, fleshy mirrors of our us-ness, that we parents hurl into the future, like leathery footballs of hope! And you've got to get a good spiral on that baby, or evil will make an interception!

I has a cell phone!, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Brenden's finger is doing fine - he has a black fingernail, of course, but he's using it normally. The nail looks like it's still growing so that's a load off my mind.

We bought a new refrigerator and let me say right now I will never buy a Kenmore again. The old one's compressor went out, a couple of months after its 5 year warranty. Boo!

We discovered a new vocabulary word of Brenden's: "Boat!". It figures.

What we're watching:

While surfing around 2 weeks ago I caught a nifty little episode of 'Extreme Machines' about steam trains on the Discovery Channel. Brenden went absolutely bananas while we watched it and so far, I think I have had to watch it about 1,542 times. In desperation I bought him a DVD called 'The Alphabet Train' which is more kid oriented with a bunch of trains and have watched that about 5 times through with him. About the only way I can distract him from choo-choos is with some Spongebob, and Nickelodeon finally started showing some new ones.

El Guapo

Happy Kid, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Jon is replacing the Evil Child-Eating Garage Door Openers as I type; we went and bought new ones last night and I'm ashamed that we didn't do it sooner because the price wasn't that bad.

The fridge also decided to die over the weekend and the fridge guy should be out to look at that today, too. I'm glad we have a chest freezer.

Brenden is doing good. I was real worried about him being in pain because he was prescribed only about 3-4 days worth of Lortab, but he is cruising along fine on Advil now. His finger, while a nice shade of purple, looks better than expected. I won't post pics - while I'm amused by adult boo-boos, little toddler boo-boos make me want to throw up until I'm inside out.

For some reason, Brenden has finally gotten a case of Velcro-to-mommy-itis. He has never had problems with me leaving before but the last week (it started earlier than his run-in with the garage door).
He also insists I stay with him while he falls asleep.

A quick note on Tampa: my dad is doing pretty good; the chemo is tiring him out but overall he doesn't look much different than the last time I saw him. I have never been to their new house down there and it's very nice and right next to a golf course. Brenden and I wandered over there a few times to walk around (with no golfers around, of course). Dad & Ilu have a pool so of course we spent a lot of time in there.

We also visited the Florida Aquarium, and while it's small compared to the other ones I've seen (Baltimore, Chicago, Chattanooga, Gatlinburg), it's impressive and worth checking out. We also visited the Tampa zoo which is freakin awesome. It was way too hot, however and B wasn't in the best mood because of it. We tried to visit the beach but the surf was rough and seaweed-infested. We managed to pack a lot into a 4 day vacation!

Ouch

happyboy, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

Ugh. This entry was supposed to be a trip report to Tampa. We had a great time, thank you. Look at the photos and I'll blog about it later.

But yesterday afternoon Brenden broke a finger. It was the tip of the finger, but it was mashed flat - one of those things that happens in an instant.

I took one look at his finger and told Jon we needed to get him to the hospital. We loaded up in the van and took him to the little one here in town. I was so glad we were able to get in immediately. A nurse gave Brenden some Lortab and Benadryl, and I'd say it took about 20 minutes before it kicked in. In the meantime he was crying pretty bad.

After some X-Rays (and that wasn't fun either) the doc told us he had a small fracture. That's not so bad. He will probably lose the fingernail, and what is upsetting me is he damaged the fingernail bed, so he may not grow a nail back where he hurt it.

Once we left the hospital, Brenden was feeling the Lortab just fine and was cheerfully pointing out the window of the van and going "Ooo dada wook!" at everything. We stopped to fill his prescriptions and we ate some MacDonald's while sitting in the van waiting for them to be filled.

I didn't have much appetite but Brenden packed away just about all my french fries and took a bite out of each of my Chicken McNuggets. I wasn't that hungry, anyway.

Jon and I were quite rattled about this. Jesus, if he had broken his leg I think both of us would have dropped dead from heart attacks! Skydiving doesn't hold a candle to parentood when it comes to terror.

Fashion Model

backpack2, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

We're leaving tomorrow afternoon for Tampa. Jon found out that Southwest flies out of Birmingham direct to Tampa for some seriously reasonable prices. In the meantime:

Letter to Brenden Month 25:

I heard back from the good folks who tested you, and you 'eligible for services' in the area we suspected - communication. I am meeting with someone next Wednesday where we will draw up a plan of attack to get you talking better. Neither your dad nor I think there's anything wrong with you but maybe I'll learn some things about little kids when I meet with this guy. It will be interesting to see the full results of this test.

Ironically, I think you are getting better at talking. You love saying "Dada, woo! Aypluh!" (Mom and/or dad, look, there's an airplane!). And I love it if I ask you if you want something. You will hear an important key word in my question, whether it be "juice", "chocolate", or "cheese", and you'll say "yeah! Yayayah!"

And even though you resist trying new words, you are not above new sounds or actions, like you love imitating faces we make, or when we all brush our teeth together you picked up spitting pretty fast.

The big news of this month is of course climbing out of bed. What I haven't reported yet is you learned to climb over the gate we put up in your doorway pretty damn fast. I'm sorely tempted to duct tape you to your mattress when it's time to sleep but we'll give you a chance to sort it out. I really should have bought you a larger bed because you will grow out of the toddler bed in oh, about 3 months I'd say. We love you, monkey-boy!

messy2, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

No word yet on Brenden's testing - not that I would expect a government agency to be that fast.

We will be visiting dad and Ilu in Tampa next weekend - turns out Southwest Airlines has some pretty sweet deals on direct flights out of Birmingham.

I'm rereading the Harry Potter series in anticipation of the 7th and final book, which will be released July 27th. I am getting it from Amazon and will read it as soon as I get it otherwise I will go insane trying to avoid spoilers which I expect will hit the internet any moment now.

It's been a slow news week.

Not about the Cat

Kitteh2, originally uploaded by Sandra Maynard.

The assessment was pretty fascinating. I was impressed, first off, that Brenden actually listened to the women who came by (one is a neighbor 2 doors down, by the way - that was amusing). The assessment involved many questions for us (us being me, Jon, and our babysitter) which ranged to how much fun my pregnancy was to Brenden's health to how he interacts with other kids (not aggressive, but not into sharing).

I can't remember all the tests - they were fairly comprehensive, but they included rattling several things where he couldn't see to see if he noticed, and seeing if he could color with a crayon in a certain direction if shown how. He was asked to match pictures of shapes to one another and he got a few of those (he aced the stacking, sorting, and shape matching). He started faltering when one of the testers set an array of objects in front of him (a brush, a cup, a shoe, a few other things) and asked him indirect questions about the objects like "Brenden, would you like something to drink?" (Brenden ignored the cup in front of him but ran to get his sippy cup). He got the "what do you put on your feet?" but missed the "would you like to fix your hair?" That's fairly advanced though.

He absolutely wouldn't answer questions about some mommy/daddy/baby dolls but I think he was losing interest at that point.

Most of the language questions they asked us, and we came up with about 10-12 words between us that he uses on a regular basis. He doesn't use pronouns, and he rarely forms compound sentences (beyond dada nana meow).

We'll find out what the results are Thursday. Have a happy 4th, y'all!

Oh, PS Helly and Alan, you are most likely right, he'd probably take to those words like a sponge to water. The last word I can think of that he learned was "poo poo!" (which he occasionally says while clutching the back of his diaper).

Stealing Nancy's Photo

Brenden & Dad, originally uploaded by nheiges.

My friend Nancy has written on her blog about her son's reluctance to be adventurous while Brenden seems to be fearless. Her son, though, has remarkable language skills while Brenden's skills are starting to lag. I'll trade you a little adventure for language, Nancy.

Seriously, Brenden's babysitter has talked me into getting in touch with ChildFind, a state sponsored program that helps screen for and correct possible deficiencies in toddlers. I know, he's only 2 for Pete's sake, but he doesn't have the same language skills most children his age have. He seems to not want to learn new words and is extremely stubborn about it. For instance, we have been working with him to get him to call me "mama", but usually he ignores us, or says, "No, Dada!"

2 speech pathologists are coming out this afternoon to evaluate Brenden. If nothing else, maybe they can give me tips on how to get him to start saying things. If they find a problem, well... I'll deal with that when I get to that point.