It has come to my attention that a skydiver or two I know has surfed into my little blog. Everything I have written I wrote with the knowledge that anyone could read it and I have no problem with any one reading this - even the ugly shit. Welcome to my solipsistic little corner of the web/universe.

Things are finally calming down about my pregnancy a little; so far today no crying jags so maybe I'm getting a grip on everything. Thanks to everyone for their congrats/support when I broke the news; we haven't told people at the drop zone but I'm sure the cat will be completely out of the bag by this weekend, especially since I'm not skydiving. No big deal.

Jon is being wonderfully supportive. He's still in shock too, but we've started making tentative plans for the future. So far things will pretty much stay the same; I will work and he'll take care of the kid during the weekdays and that will switch during the weekends. He's planning to sell his jeep and getting something more functional, like a mini-van (*Snerk!*). We're also thinking about selling the Cessna to free up more money. No exotic vacations for us for a while. Not that I care. Yet.

My big job right now is to quit caffeine, or to get it to trace amounts. That will be hard. Giving up alcohol is going to be easy; it wasn't something I took every day. I do have a 5-6 cup a day habit w/ coffee, though. I'm only drinking 2 cups a day now but I want to go ahead and stop completely.

Apparently, there is a physiological reason for my mood swings and depression for the last 3 weeks (though I'm certain some of it was from circumstances): I'm pregnant.

My period was late by 4-5 days, which in itself is no big deal; I've had an odd menstural cycle my whole life. When I got off the pill about 2 years ago, however, I was fairly regular. But anyway, for some reason on Monday morning I started to obsess over it. It got to the point where I left work, went to Wal-mart to pick up a pregnancy test kit (a 3-pack; I was figuring I'd need them eventually in the future), got home, peed on the strip, and watched in numb shock as the 2nd line turned pink.

I burst out crying; my thinking ranged over a bunch of things and finally I got enough control to call Jon and tell him. He promised to come home as soon as he finished his errands; in the meantime I called my OB/GYN's office to make an appointment for them to test me. When Jon got home I did another pee test - positive again. We talked about it some but for the most part we were in a state of shock.

When I woke up in the morning I used the last test to make sure I hadn't been dreaming the whole thing. Yesterday afternoon I had my pee tested and blood drawn at the doc's office and they confirmed it. My blood is also being tested for HIV and a bunch of other fun diseases. I had a short talk w/a very busy OB/GYN nurse and was given a buttload of literature to peruse. She also calculated my preliminary due date, which is June 7th. I thought it was odd that she calculated in from the first day of my last period, which was somewhere between the 1st and 7th of September. Apparently that's standard practice. So while I am in the 5th week of my pregnancy, I conceived on either the 12th of September or the 21st. What? Was that TMI? Too bad.

What to Expect When Expecting is an informative book. I carefully read the first sections and skimmed the rest. I was prepared to give up beer; I'm bummed about the (raw) sushi and coffee. Today I'm going out at lunchtime to buy a folic acid supplement as well as stock up on Tylenol and Metamucil. I'll have to eventually modify my exercise routine but for the most part I can continue. Obviously I can't start any calorie restrictive diets. Matter of fact everything I read recommends eating 300 calories over maintenence (which puts me at about 2100 a day).

Of course, the big deal with me is skydiving. Will I give that up, and when? I think I'll give it up now.

When I was crying and thinking Monday, my strongest feelings were of that I really want this kid. I'm worried about problems that can arise since I'm so old (I'm buoyed by knowing Nancy isn't much younger than me and Anthony is quite healthy and normal). This thought might be irrational, but this feels like this is my only shot and I don't want to mess it up. Before, if something happened to me while skydiving, oh well oops. I could get messed up but a broken bone or two is survivable. Now I have to think about a pregnant me in a cast or two. Ugh, no thanks. Not to mention I could hurt or lose the baby.

Last night I had nightmares about miscarriages. Sheesh, isn't it a little early to start with this?

Oh, yeah; I called mom and dad, and Andrea and Edward. Both parents are delighted, as are my sibs. They all threaten to spoil him/her rotten. I'm glad both mom and dad remarried, that means more grandparents for the kid! Jon called his mom and she started crying. Jon's father is dead and she hasn't remarried.

So anyway, my blog will probably get kind of obsessive here in the next 9 months. I am relieved to know that my odd reactions to things lately have a reason; it makes it easier for me to handle. Okay, 'odd' is an understatement. As I told someone last night, I have been acting 'thermonuclear bugfuck crazy' lately.

And it's just beginning!

Not much of an update today. Jon and I watched Kate & Leopold last night; with Meg Ryan and that Australian guy with the huge ackman ($.50 to Nancy). It was cute.

That's it.

What an odd weekend.

Friday night I went out with my husband and 6 male skydivers; one of them works for a Japanese car company and was enthusiastically telling us about prostitution in Japan. Being the only woman in the group I felt a little out of place. We ended up in this club that had a blues rock trio playing. They were energetic and competent. I spent some time dancing with my husband; the beer helped, but what helped most was when I stopped thinking about being self-concious and thought about the fact that I was with Jon.

But then an altercation broke out: where there are more than 2 skydivers there is a video camera; the guy filming got into a minor argument with a man who didn't want to be filmed. He smoothed it over; he wasn't looking for a fight. Unfortunately another skydiver was; under the guise of 'backing (skydiver A) up', he started insulting the other man even though the other man and skydiver A had ironed out their misunderstanding. What ended up happening is skydiver A grabbed skydiver B; the bouncer grabbed skydiver A in a headlock and ran him outside.

Skydiver A finally calmed down (especially when the cops arrived) but skydiver B insisted he had done no wrong. Jon practically threw this extremely drunk idiot in the van and we left. I have had enough of the police for one decade.

Saturday started rainy and remained that way all day. Suspecting foul weather, I started rereading The Stand for the umpity-umpth time. We all rented some movies - oh by the way, once everyone slept it off everything was hunky dory. Men are downright scary when they're angry (and drunk), but they seem to let things go quicker than women. I say 'seem to' but I wonder if that's real.

Oh, yeah; the movies: Walking Tall. It was eh. Along Came Polly. Less than eh, though I was shocked at how nice a body Hank Azaria has. He always came across to me as an ordinairy schlub. I'm fairly certain there was a 3rd movie but I can't remember what it was right now. Oh, yeah! Man on Fire with Denzel Washington. It was a remake of an obscure and mediocre Scott Glenn movie made in the mid-80's. It was the best movie I saw all weekend but I'm not sure I'm saying much. Depressing, too.

Sunday was a little better; we got two loads up for the whole day. Once I returned from retrieving a skydiver who landed out, I discovered that the woman I have been having problems with had finally returned. I was determined to keep from acting flaky and hostile and I think I succeeded. She brought a photo album with her which I flipped through. Some of the pictures of her with Jon gave me acid indigestion. So yeah, I still feel threatened. She's prettier than I am. We got along but I fought with depression (and boredom) all day.

We had one bit of excitement and I don't mean it in a good way; one of our pilots (and a skydiver and a friend) was flying into the airport (in a small rental plane) when he lost his engine. He radioed in for us to call the firetruck; for an instant we all thought he had to be joking. We all piled outside and watched him land gear up. Scared the crap out of all of us but he was okay.

Finished up Sunday by watching The Butterfly Effect which wasn't half bad. Depressing but not bad. I don't think Ashton Kutchner did a bad job. Why? Because I didn't spend the movie thinking that it was that guy from "That 70's Show". And, hey; haven't seen Eric Stoltz in forever. Where have you been?

Can you see the real me, can you?

Yet another uninteresting day yesterday. I did TiVo CSI:New York. I was amused to note they used another old Who song for its theme (Baba O'Reilly). I wanted to watch it because Gary Sinise is in it. It wasn't as good as the original CSI is. I'm living in a world where I think William Petersen is doing a better job than Gary Sinise. Ooookay.

I haven't seen CSI: Miami yet. Not big on David Caruso, red hair nonwithstanding. He looks like an evil Howdy Doody puppet. I realize that I consider "evil puppet" redundant. Any way, I wonder what Who song they are using? Won't Get Fooled Again? Squeeze Box? Boris the Spider? I'm thinking the best song would be The Real Me. Hm. I haven't heard Quadrophenia in a long time. I used to love the Who; I don't own anything of theirs on CD. I smell a trip to Best Buy in the future.

I just checked: CSI:Miami uses Won't Get Fooled Again. Okay, does that really make any sense? I realize it's more well known than The Real Me, but it makes no sense in context. Well, okay a little sense, as in 'you're covering up a murder; you can't fool me'. Who Are You is genius. Baba O'Reilly is at least melancholy, but it's completely nonsensical in context.

After about a month layoff, Jon and I have started to go to the gym again. Yes, I'm sore. Kind of you to ask.

I'll keep this post mercifully short; obviously I do not have anything compelling to talk about. I *did* get to watch part of the Braves/Astros game last night. How sad is that: I recognized more players on the Astros than I did the Braves. I'm always happy to see Jon Smoltz. And see - this is exactly why TiVo rules. I had the TV turned to the game when Jon (my Jon, not Mr. Smoltz, though I would have helped him had he asked) asked me to help him uninstall some of the most annoying spyware ever made. I heard a loud cheer from the TV, saw that the Braves had won, so I rewound to enjoy the home run. Go, Braves! Woo-hoo!

Oh yeah: here's my latest review. I have nothing in the queue right now.

"Rated R for graphic, crude, sexual humor; violent images and strong language all involving puppets." Does this line disturb you as much as it disturbs me? I am so looking forward to this movie as I'm a big Parker and Stone fan, but puppets, especially those modelled after the Thunderbird puppets, give me the heebie jeebies.

Yesterday I came home and Jon had cleaned the kitchen for me. How sweet is that? He also bought a hammock big enough for two people; after dinner we lay in it and watched the stars come out. It was very nice. The best season in Alabama is Fall; the days are still warm but the nights are crisp. Not so horribly cold they drive you indoors to willingly cook yourself over a space heater.

Not much else to report.

I was saddened to hear that Rodney Dangerfield went gentle into that good night. I must rewatch Back To School in his honor soon.

A stray skydiver and his girlfriend came over for dinner last night. I made Chinese food and we watched The Punisher. It was okay. I'm not sure whether I like a brunette Thomas Jane, but yow does he have a nice chest! Plus this movie beat the heck out of the Dolph Lundgren version. Recap: undercover officer is involved in a bust that gets a crime lord's (John Travolta) son killed. Crime lord has all of officer's family killed. And I mean the whole, extended family! Said officer is left for dead, but of course he's not, so he comes back and wreaks vengeance - I mean, punishment - on crime lord's business, friends, and family. It's based on a Marvel comic book but the plot reminded me in some ways of Mad Max. And it took a while for him to turn into the sadistic bastard I remembered him as.

I have to go on a business trip to California in a few weeks. Jon, bless him, is going with me. How cool is that?

Whoo. Long weekend. Saturday I did 6 skydives; Sunday I taught ground school and did 3 AFF skydives. I was exhausted when we finally returned home Sunday night.

My exhaustion did not prevent us from watching Eurotrip, which was too bad because it wasn't very good. There were plenty of boobies to distract Jon and the stray skydiver he brought home from the fact that it sucked. It had a few funny gags, including Matt Damon as a shorn, pierced and tattooed lead singer for a band. You're too cute to pass yourself off as a hardcore punk, you silly boy. Oh, yes. There was a scene at a nude beach with an incredible amount of male nudity. It was pretty hideous, though.

My mom and her husband dropped by Saturday afternoon. I went to dinner with them and they slept at our house. They were on their way to Mobile. I was glad to see them; I really don't get to see my parents very often any more.

Jon was in a bad mood on Sunday; I can't really blame him. He was drunk dialed by a skydiver Saturday night who didn't understand why Jon got upset because she was calling him from a drop zone whose owners we dislike. It boils down to the difference between customers and friends. Can you be friends with someone who is your customer? Most drop zone owners have the reputation of being pricks. Jon doesn't want to be a prick but that leaves him with the feeling of being betrayed by a friend when that person makes a decision based purely on money.

I have no real friends who are skydivers. (Yes, this is a shout-out, y'all). In many ways I'm glad. Don't get me wrong; I like a lot of them and we're friendly but at the end of the day they pay their bills and go home. Some of them I would go out of my way to help but that's because they have helped us with no expectation of compensation.

Anyway, speaking of Jon, things are a lot better between us. I have discovered just how clueless I am when it comes to relationships. I'm such a nerd I'm out hunting for other books to help. Loving someone else is apparently not an innate talent in me.

Since the presidential race is heating up because of the debates, I think it's time to discuss more in depth about the James Bond issue. Since Sony has bought MGM, one has to wonder what will become of 007. Despite a cameo by Madonna, Die Another Day did great business so Sony will not overlook MGM's #1 cash cow. Actually I guess that would be their only cash cow; one of the reasons they put themselves on the auction block.

So where is the Bond franchise right now? A script has been written; the screenwriters are saying they are focusing more on character and plot but I'll believe that when I see it. The studio wanted a new Bond pic in '05 but now it looks like it will be pushed to 2006. Pierce Brosnan says he hasn't been asked to repeat his role and everyone with an accent has rumors being bandied about including a short-lived one about my favorite flame-headed Brit. He laughed that rumor off, of course. He said there would never be a 'ginger Bond'. Too bad, I say, but on the other hand I don't want him to be Bond. I'd love for him to be a Bond villain, though.

I still say being a Bond baddie never hurt anyone's career. I mean being a Bond villain means you join the ranks of Donald Pleasance, Christopher Lee, Robert Shaw, Jonathan Pryce, Sean Bean, Robert Carlyle, Christopher Walken (yay!), Louis Jordan, Max Von Sydow, Joe Don Baker, and Robert Davi. And Telly Savalas. Okay, you might not know all of them but I do. Trust me, being a Bond villain does not look bad on a resume.

Now let's look at the Bonds: sure Sean Connery has had a career past Bond, but how long did it take for him to pull out of that shadow? He did Diamonds Are Forever in 1971. He did things, here and there, most notably Highlander but did not receive real stardom until The Untouchables in 1987. Remember his "patience is indeed a virtue" speech during the Oscars? He has a point.

Now what about George Lazenby's career? Roger Moore's? Timothy Dalton's? Actually, Pierce Brosnan has managed to have somewhat of a career outside of Bond (I loved Remington Steele, BTW).

So just about everyone with a British or Australian background is being considered. In the Australian world, despite Bana's vehement protest to the contrary, is still considered a frontrunner. I still think the idea sucks. However, he just signed on to a movie with Curtis Hanson (8 Mile,Wonderboys, and L.A. Confidential) about a poker player. He's also slated to be in Stephen Spielberg's Vengeance so when is he going to get a chance to be Bond in the next couple of years?

Also in the Australian arena is M.I.A. Guy Pearce, and Hugh Jackman. Jackman is probably the best choice out of that lot. He has that generic look down. In the British arena, you have everyone including Jude Law, Orlando Bloom, and Clive Owen. I've heard rumor of a Black James Bond, and if they are going that route I'd like to nominate Colin Salmon.

So anyways, rest assured a new Bond will be made. Whether Bond will be Black, redheaded, a chinese jet pilot; or the movie will actually have a plot, remains to be seen.

Jon and I watchedEternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind last night. In a nutshell, Jim Carrey is at the end of a relationship with Kate Winslet. He finds out that she has gotten her memories of him erased so he has the same procedure. The trouble is while he's getting it done, he's living in those memories and he realizes he doesn't want to lose them.

There's more to it than that; it's a Charlie Kaufman film so of course there's more. Both Jon and I really liked it. Carrey does a good job, and I'm not a big fan of his. Every one else in the cast; Mark Ruffalo, Kirsten Dunst, Kate Winslet, and Elijah Wood, do good too. It's a romantic movie that has some nice, real things to say about relationships.

Day 7 we went back to Playa Ostional during the day to try to get photographs of turtles. Unlike the previous visit, turtles were few and far between but we did find some. We watched, and I talked with the guide, and eventually it started raining hard. We bought a bunch of beer in Ostional and drove back to the resort. On the way back, we found a local restaraunt (a soda), "Mundo Feliz" (Happy World). the menu was simple, pollo o pescado (chicken or fish). They didn't sell beer but they didn't mind us bringing our own in.

The food, besides fried chicken or fish, consisted of casados ('married', which is rice and beans), and a cole slaw with vinegar dressing (no mayo, thank goodness!). Mmm. Best food I had there.

Day 8 On the way to the airport, Jon got pulled over for speeding. A very nice policia named Jesus patiently explained to me that we could either pay $46 now or $60 at one of the National Banks. Ha! I forked over 40,000 Colones and he sent us on our way. Then it felt like we went through customs 8 times. To add injury to insult, The Stepford Wives was the movie on the flight back to Atlanta. Holy crap that movie reeked!

All in all Jon and I really enjoyed Costa Rica. Most of the people we dealt with were local folks who lived in small towns. Towns in Costa Rica seemed to consist of a well cared-for soccer field, which kind of is the town square. There would be a church nearby, then a school. You could always find a soda, plus a bar or two. I never felt like we were in danger; I suspect the only real crime out in the rural areas would by your typical crime of opportunity. Like I said, when I tried my horrid, pidgin spanish, the local people were very kind and patient with me. Also there were no bugs! Well a few sand fleas, but you would expect in the wet season for that to be a horrible problem but it wasn't! I guess that's why all the frogs and iguanas we saw were so fat and happy.

I have caught some of the lyrics from Hybrid Theory.

Everything falls apart
even the people who never frown
eventually break down
Everything has to end
you’ll soon find we’re out of time
left to watch it all unwind


My initial instinctive reaction is, "Jeez, Mike: you want to break up with your girlfriend. It's not the end of the world, you know!" But then again thanks to my new bullethole of empathy in my belly, I now remember it really can feel like the end of the world.

Sheesh. I've been thinking of my two previous relationships and how my reactions to the last couple of weeks have been influenced by what happened with them. Both of them cheated on me; one of the reasons I married Jon was I thought I could trust him; he didn't make me feel insecure. I had a good reason for waiting 6 years before I got seriously involved with someone else.

I also remember before I met Jon I was interested in this one guy at work who had a live-in girlfriend. I finally got sick of mooning over him and told him in no uncertain terms how I felt. I'm glad I did because it became obvious that while his ego was flattered, he had no intention of leaving his girlfriend. I soon found someone far more interesting, and unattatched. I now wonder if I caused her to feel threatened. That's stupid; of course I did. I'm sorry.

Still, I wish that Linkin Park's songs would find something else to complain about than busted relationships. I once heard a song by a German band named Rammstein ("Du Hast"). This song sounds like all of the demons of Hell have been unleashed. I mean, murder, death, chaos. Then I made the mistake of finding out what they were singing about. Some dude telling his girl he didn't love her. Can't listen to that song any more without giggling.

Pink Floyd did a fantastic job of not writing about relationships. "Pigs on the Wing" doesn't count.

Elizabeth, Mark, and ol' squinty. 

Arenal Volcano. 

That is called a gar. That is not a howler monkey holding the gar, by the way, that is my sweet baboo. 

Hey, A picture of me I don't dislike! It's all about me, of course. 

This gentleman owns the soda where we ate at. For $2.50 a plate, I might add and it was muy sabroso. I know what you are wondering. If a small shop/restaraunt is a soda, what the heck is a coke? A "gaseosa".  

Iguana butt! 

Here is me and my squeeze at a soda, called "Mundo Feliz" in a small fishing village near where we stayed. I am smiling so you know I worked on much of that beer in the foreground. Don't know why jon is holding the broom. 

Monkey! He's not howling because he's a she and the women monkeys don't howl; they just chill. 

The Green Season makes for interesting travel. You can normally cross this river; you can't see it but across the bank is a big tractor to help those who can't make it across... for a fee. 

This here's Jabba the Frog. He was about the size of my hand. 

When I went to sleep last night, no howler monkeys showed up to keep me awake. That was nice; I feel like my sanity has been restored somewhat. I'm at least able to get some freakin' work done.

I bought Linkin Park's first album yesterday. It's funny how angry, energetic music can cheer me up. Not because I identify with the lyrics; I barely listen to the lyrics of anything, unless it's nonsensical or just plain silly. I find myself singing along to "Too High for the Supermarket" all the time. I also love the Presidents of the U.S. and am sorry they broke up. Goin to the country, gonna eat a lotta peaches...

Jon took that book with him to read. I asked him to read it; hope he finds it as insightful as I did.

I have been watching reruns of C.S.I. on SpikeTV. I'm not that involved, although I have been fascinated with stuff like that since I read Red Dragon. I do wonder about how accurate some of the procedures are. So far, the verisimilitude is impressive, but sometimes some of the ways they catch the bad guys seems pulled out of the scriptwriter's butt.

Meow, meow, meow, meow. Kitty at my foot and I wanna touch it...

Here's Mean Girls; not my best review. I'll be doing I Wanna Hold Your Hand next.

I have been emailing with the woman who inspired that rant I wrote last week. I got to hear her side of things - she was very honest and direct, saying that she and Jon are friends. She did not try to assure me that nothing was going on, or any "how could you think that of me?" attitude. That would have smelled like bullshit. I think any one would have reached the same conclusions that I have; now I think they were the wrong conclusions. What ever problems Jon and I are having I don't think they will get any better if I drag someone who most likely has nothing to do with it in the middle. The big difference between being 20 years old and 40 years old is having enough sense to try to work through crap like this.

Again; not going to delete the previous post despite the wince value. I told Jon last night: I feel like I just fell into a lake and I'm floundering around looking for solid footing again. Now I'm on a "I'm trying to give him what he wants, why won't he give me what I want?" kick. Half of me in a nutshell in the last few weeks: "Oh boo hoo hoo, I'm so confused". The other half: "Will you just shut up so I can get some work done?"

Why can't I get "The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down" out of my head?

Jon is flying to Thomaston, Georgia to teach a Coach's Course. A coach is the first rung in skydiving instruction. I'll have a few nights by myself, which is okay I could probably use them, as long as my inner monkey doesn't start chattering in my ear again. You are right, Lachelle; insomnia sucks.

Speaking of monkeys:

Day 5:
Wet and rainy today; Jon and I went Scuba diving in the Pacific. On our way out by boat we passed Playa Ostional. Many sea turtles were surfaced in the ocean around thereand were either sun-bathing or having turtle sex (sometimes both). The visibility was unfortunately low because it was the rainy season and the rivers tend to wash a lot of silt into the ocean during that time. Still, I got to swim in the Pacific, which I have never done before.

We saw plenty of critters, including lobsters and octopus which were caught for later consumption. We also saw some small sharks and plenty of fishies. I didn't know there were so many varieties of starfish.

After 2 dives we spent the rest of the afternoon and the evening fishing. Jon caught a large Gar and a Jack (whatever that is). I caught a grouper about the size of my hand and an eel that was maybe as long as my arm. I sent both of them back home to their mommies.

Day 6: Elizabeth, Mark, Brett, Shawn, Jon and I split a tour bus and traveled about 4 1/2 hours to the Arenal Volcano. It was active, and during the day we could see chains of white puffs of ash along the volcano's slope, indicating partially hardened magma rolling and bouncing along. At night it was spectacular because you could see the red. The lightning also added a nicely ominous touch. We also saw a waterfall with freezing cold waters and a hot springs spa that was pretty damn caliente.

I'll finish this up eventually. I'm not really doing it justice. I need to post some photos. One of my favorites is a picture that Jon took of a huge toad. That thing looked like Jabba the Hut, only cuter. Just as fat, though.

It's random Sandy day:

Got the Star Wars trilogy on DVD. Personally I don't care about any of the changes; the story hasn't changed. Well, I do hate the "Greedo shoots first" change in the cantina; George Lucas copped out.

While I was in Costa Rica looking at monkeys, a troupe of fans went to Toronto to meet my favorite redhead and watch the two movies of his that were shown there. They inundated him with oatmeal raisin cookies, and he was gracious, posed for photos, and was quite liberal with kisses. I am still surprised that no true psychotics have joined the message group or have tried to stalk him; it would be a shame if he started to fear his fan base.

My brother is visiting Russia with his way-cool girlfriend Jenn (she has relatives there). I can't wait to hear about that trip. He has his own blog, but he writes infrequently. Slacker.

I did 9 jumps this weekend, bringing my grand total to 1,100. I also did my first CReW jump (Canopy Relative Work). This type of jump calls for leaving the airplane and opening your parachute immediately; then your group flys together, actually attached to one another, and make different formations. I would have to post a photograph to adequately explain it. It was a lot of fun! Pilot, instructor, friend, and general wiseass Frank 'pinned' me first then Jon pinned the both of us. It is way cool being able to dock your canopy on someone else.

Good for Lachelle for getting a home gym, even if she ignored my advice. Doing SOMETHING, ANYTHING, is better than nothing at all.

I woke up this morning in a bad mood.
Me: Grumble grumble, bitch bitch, whine.
Jon: I love you, honey! (SMOOCH).
Me: (melt)

As the Prop Turns

Above is the old skydiving joke about the dramas that take place at a drop zone.

By the time I had gotten to the drop zone Friday night, I had decided to leave well enough alone, which ended up being the wrong decision. Both Friday and Saturday I tried to just behave the way I always do, and I talked with her about everything but.

Everytime she so much at looked at Jon my guts roiled; by Saturday afternoon she left in tears. Jon told me she left because I spent so much of the weekend glaring at her. Oopsie.

I'll never win the Oscar for Best Actress. I am, however, a major contender this year for Best Drama Queen.

Look, I can't say I'm not happy with the outcome or that her not leaving wasn't a great relief. It just wasn't my finest moment. Yet, I feel so,... un guilty. Not even vaguely.

I'm going to email her; tell her to email me back or call me or come out to the drop zone to hash it out, like I should have in the first place.

By the way, I just submitted my latest review: Mean Girls; and I'm saying so without batting so much as an ironic eyelash.

Day 3:

-I told you I'd get back to this eventually -

We took a guided beach tour around the resort. Saw lots of interesting birds, shells, crabs, etc and got burnt pretty bad by the sun. I can't remember us doing much else until it got dark.

I forgot to mentions Brett and Shawn, a married couple who were there from Atlanta. Nice folks and we teamed up with them several times while we were there. Shawn, by the way, is a woman. She has a twin sister named Heath. I asked her why they haven't axe-murdered their parents yet.

Anyway, Jon and I, Mark, Elizabeth, Brett, and Shawn went to Playa Ostional to go see sea turtles. It was night; we hired a guide who didn't speak very good english so I finally stepped forward and used some of my embarrasing Spanish skills and I actually understood more than I thought I could. We walked along the beach and there were dozens of sea turtles laboring up the beach, digging holes, laying eggs, then plodding back to the ocean. It looks like damn tough work. We also saw baby turtles laboring towards the ocean.

The residents of Playa Ostional work in conjunction with Costa Rica's national park service to protect the turtles. In exchange the residents are allowed to harvest some of the eggs. This makes sense as so many turtles come up to this beach they tend to dig up each other's eggs so by harvesting them at least they go to good use.

So now that I broke out of my shyness of speaking spanish, I spent most of the rest of the trip interpreting for everyone. All I can say (and maybe I have before) is that Costa Rican natives are very nice and patient people. They also all have really nice teeth, so that says something for their health care system.

Day 4:

Not much going on today; I tried to hunt iguanas for a photo but all I got was one iguana's ass. The resort finally got its pool filled so we went swimming. We drank, we ate, and Elizabeth and I went turtle hunting on the resort's beach at night while Jon, Mark, Brett and Shawn went back to Ostional to drink beer at a local bar.

I forgot to mention that the road from the resort to Ostional is a lot of fun. For most of the trip from Liberia to the resort any bridges we encountered were in bad repair. From the resort to Ostional (which lay further down the same road) it was 'bridges, what bridges?' and you have to drive through the streams.

It's no big deal, if you aren't certain just wade out there. If the water never gets above your kneecap, it's safe to cross.

Later on: finally, I get to swim in the Pacific!

I received a lot of feedback for yesterday's post; thank you all of you. Some people said pretty much the same thing: Jon is encouraging the relationship so talk to him.

He reads my blog so he wanted to talk with me when I got home. He was upset, but he didn't lay into me or anything. He basically insisted that nothing was happening like I was thinking. He does talk to her a lot - he pointed out he talks to many people a great deal, including other women who I don't feel threatened by. He did say that he did talk to her about our relationship and that if that bothered me he was sorry, but she only said encouraging things, like "talk to (me), she's a good person", He said things have gotten better between us recently (and hearing that was a great relief), but if I chewed her a new one I would be making a mistake. Not a threat, just that she didn't deserve it and he didn't want her to get hurt for no reason.

He deleted the emails I read, but he said he wished he had saved them so we could go over them to see what my problem with her is.

Right now I'm feeling confused, but a lot more confident in Jon. I really do believe that he won't let anything happen between them, especially now. He says he does see me trying and he thinks maybe he ought to read that book Nancy sent me.

That leaves me with dealing with her. I am going to talk with her, but I am going to sound her out. I still strongly suspect she has a crush on him, but I do believe now that a) Jon doesn't see it and b) he would not do anything with her to hurt me.

There's always the temptation when you write something strong to hit the delete button, but yesterday's post is a good reminder of where my head was at that point in time. I truly hate not knowing where my emotions end and reality begins and I need to figure it out before I hurt someone who might not deserve it.

I Call Shenanigans

A few remarks: We're going to fight the ticket. I didn't want to but I really do get the idea the cop gave me the $130 citation out of spite.

I haven't been in this kind of emotional turmoil in a long time. Above all I detest feeling like an idiot and in many things lately I've been a royal dumbass. I also feel insecure and also feel like a bit of a doormat. Yes, I'm talking about more than the damn ticket. These feelings of course make me angry but I have no outlet for this anger.

This blog has become an outlet for me. Most of the time I babble about inane things because I've been happy. I have been very fortunate.

First off, I want to thank Nancy again from the bottom of my heart for sending me The 5 Love Languages. In a nutshell, many marital problems are caused by people not understanding what their significant other regards as expressing or getting love, and vice versa. And to put my marriage in a nutshell, Jon regards attention and quality time as love. I regard acts of service as love.

Plenty of people have made fun of me for the things I have done for him because I want him to be happy. For instance, I let him quit his engineering job to run the drop zone full time. When people call me his 'sugar mama' I eat it. Next person who does, and that includes my DH, will have his or her nose bitten off.

But that's neither here nor there. I know Jon appreciates the things I do for him; he just doesn't interpret it as love. No matter what I did, he just kept insisting I was being cold, and distant, and unfeeling. Oh, hell no I felt a lot. Mostly frustration and resentment, but that counts, right? When I have a problem I can't solve I ignore it. I started ignoring him more and more because nothing I did for him made him happy. Nice, wonderful downward spiral, there; don't you think? Simple to get off, too. Shit. If what he needs to feel love is attention, he'll get it.

Which brings me to the one thing that feels like an infected splinter in my hand: a woman at the drop zone has a thing for him and is paying him a lot of attention. I won't go into too much detail. I don't think anything sexual has happened between them, but I'll be goddamned before I believe nothing emotional hasn't happened. I'm not buying a 'just friends' scenario once I figured out just how often they IM, text message, email, and phone each other. I call shenanigans; I call bullshit.

What's the balance between forgiveness and wanting to turn people into Eric Cartman-style chili? If you go too far in one direction, people walk all over you. In the other direction - long jail sentences or even the chair. Since I have never actually killed and eaten one of my enemies, I don't think she has too much to worry about. But I don't see how I will ever tolerate her presence again, however, even if I quit taking personally what her heart is telling her to do.

So stick around folks! This weekend should be very interesting!

Day 2:
We all went for a breezy, morning walk on the resort's volcanic sand beach. I have never seen a black beach before. The tide was out and the waves looked intimidating - most of the beaches on the Pacific side seem to have riptide warnings.

During the walk, besides encountering many tiny, little hermit crabs, we found a baby octopus that had washed up. Both Jon and Mark were trying not to touch it; I decided I wasn't going to be afraid of something that small, especially something I had eaten before. So I picked it up and put it in a tidal pool. It was pretty weak; I'm sure it became something's breakfast pronto. I also found a tiny fish gasping in the sand. He was much friskier; by the time I put him in a tidal pool he leaped out of my hand and skipped across several small pools until he was in deeper water.

Then the four of us packed up in our rental car and received another 2 hour kidney pounding to go to Tamarindo. Our primary goal was to find a grocery store so we wouldn't have to spend so much at the resort's restaurant. On the way there I was delighted by how many iguanas I saw; they crawl up on fence posts to sunbathe.

Tamarindo was built up and somewhat touristy - lots of little shops. Costa Rica, incidentally, is a surfer's haven and Tamarindo seemed to be to surfers what a light bulb is to bugs. We went on a tour of an estuary (for what river, I forget). Jon was anxious to see some monkeys. He heard about all the wild monkeys in Costa Rica and wanted to see some.

We saw crabs, birds of all sorts, and even a quick glimpse of a crocodile. On the way back, the guide stopped the boat and we walked a ways and Jon got his wish: Howler Monkeys! All of us tourists were snapping photos like crazy. The guide incited the male monkeys by imitating their call and clapping his hands and that got them howling.

Those little buggers are only about 2 feet tall at the most but talk about an unearthly racket! If you walked into a forest and heard that noise you would beat feet rapidamente. Anyways, Jon was content. He had seen his monkeys. He didn't spank any of them, despite his threats to do so.

On our drive back, a snake dropped on the hood of our car. We had to stop and take pictures, of course. We have no idea if it was poisonous or not. Crazy Gringos.

I was feeling much better about Costa Rica at that point; I think we all were. Despite the roads (which we started to think of as an adventure) and the problems at the resort, we found the people were friendly, the weather quite tolerable, and no bugs! I don't think any of us had to use the industrial strength Deet we had brought ever during our trip.

Next up: Sandy finally remembers how to speak Spanish.

Jon and Sandy's Most Excellent Costa Rican Adventure

Day 1
Was a travel day. We were up at 3:30 to catch a 5:30 plane to Atlanta from Huntsville International. Dumbass me never got my passport updated to my married name so the nice woman at the counter changed my tickets to my maiden name. We had a 3 hour layover so we twiddled our thumbs in Atlanta and met up with the couple we were going to stay with, Mark and Elizabeth.

Mark is a skydiver and I've always liked him. I had met his wife before but she's quiet too so we never really talked. She is a really nice person with a wicked sense of humor. I think we got along well with both of them during the trip.

Flight over - uneventful. The movie was Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban so I watched it again.

We landed in Liberia, Costa Rica which is in the Guanacaste Province. It is essentially the Northwest corner of the country. This time of year is referred to as the Green Season (A.K.A. the rainy season) and there was a light rain when we landed. We cleared customs fast but it took a little longer getting our rental car.

We finally set out for the Sanctuary Resort, which is... somewhere...

Mark does the driving, and the roads are okay at first; we had heard that Costa Rican roads were fairly hairy. Once we got off the main Liberian highway onto a secondary road, we encountered the first of many potholes. Then we get onto the dirt roads. Whee! It was a kidney pounding experience. I ooh and aah over all the cows, chickens, cats, dogs, and pigs all over the place. No, really; I thought they were neat, but where are the monkeys, dammit!

We get to the Sanctuary, and get our room. Jon and I have 2 twin beds which we shoved together. We didn't do much that Saturday but look at the empty swimming pool and gape at the remarkable prices of things in the little market at the resort.

-A little editorial side note here: My only complaints during this entire vacation are aimed at the resort. I had no problems with the staff, either. The owners, well; I'll just shut up now. -

So we buy beer, go to dinner, where I finally got to try ceviche which is fish pickled in lime juice. I thought it was quite tasty. We drink some more and go investigate the beach. It's night time by now but we had a mag light. We really didn't get to see much except for many different varieties of crabs, especially hermit crabs. We found a whole gang of them going to town on half of an opened coconut.

That's it for day 1, except I woke up with a headache and I had to go throw up. I had only 4 or 5 beers and I'm a professional beer drinker, so I can only suspect my tummy had problems with the food. Or the water.

Not an auspicious start to a vacation. It gets better, I promise. Preview to day 2: Monkeys for real! And a crocodile.

Quick note: make sure you read Lilek's review of Equillibrium (he liked it).

I am back from vacation. I had a great time and I'll be giving you all a day-by-day account of it, I hope, during this week.

However, last night I had an upsetting experience with Hartselle's Finest and I wanted to recount it before I start on the good stuff because I really need to get it off my chest:

I was pulled over last night because I was weaving. The officer who pulled me over was polite, but he was so damn sure he had caught himself a drunk driver he searched my car, he searched me, he gave me a field sobriety test, and he asked me a million times "have you been drinking? Do you have any other illegal substances in your car?"

I DO NOT drink and drive, precisely because I'm terrified of getting caught in a scenario like the above. But here's the kicker: I did have beer in my car. And I was weaving. Why? I was following Jon home from the drop zone last night; we were going to stop at a Chinese restaurant to pick up dinner. I wove because I misjudged the entrance to the restaurant. The beer was for then, and it was unopened. It's illegal to have beer in your car in a dry county. It's a jailable offense and you can only carry it in your trunk.

Of course I didn't go to jail. I have absolutely zip on my record (except for driving with an expired tag and it was Jon's car) plus the police would have 3/4ths of the county in the slammer. So he let me go (with my beer!) and a citation for the weaving.

Poor Jon just about blew a gasket. He had pulled up to the restaurant, he saw what was happening, and walked up to talk to the officer. The officer told him to go away. He feels the officer was disrespectful to him and he had a right to know what was happening to his wife. He was just about insane when he discovered I got the citation. I was scared shitless the the cop, who had just let me go, was going to turn around and give Jon the once over and throw him in jail for threats and cursing.

They were polite, but I was humiliated. I was up late crying last night and Jon spent a lot of time hugging me and trying to make me feel better (he succeeded). He finally convinced me to take some sleeping pills (over the counter and quite legal, dammit!) and I managed to get some sleep.

I try to respect the police, but it's hard to appreciate people who have the authority to do things to you that you can't do back to them.

Sorry for the bummer update. Up next: Monkeys!

Here's my latest review. Bleah, I need to go pack.

I know what I wrote the day before yesterday was pretty heavy; I don't have much to add to that today except I'm damn glad my husband chose to talk to me about things instead of letting things rot out into a stinky mess, which is what I've seen some marriages come to. Sartre made that stupid comment that hell is other people, but Alex P. Keaton pointed out that heaven is other people, too. Sartre was a wuss; I always liked Alex.

We are going on vacation to Costa Rica - we're leaving this Saturday. I don't know if I'll be able to post updates there; but I will write a trip report. And take some pictures if I can find the frickin power adapter for the camera. This vacation couldn't have been better timed.

I have taken to watching Sealab 2021 during Adult Swim on the Cartoon Network. I wish TiVo would just record Adult Swim in its entirety so I could check out other offerings. I have yet to see Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Anyways Sealab 2021 is the result of someone getting hold of the old Hanna Barbera animation cels from a forgettable 70's cartoon show and rearranging them, adding their own animation, and their own voices. It's pretty whacked.

Anyway, Jon and I have a lot of things to do before we leave. I'm trying to finish up 2 reviews and a bunch of work-related things before Saturday.

Oh yeah. Jon and I watched Club Dread, a silly horror movie spoof. I loved their Super Troopers meow, and this one almost played the horror angle straight so I think a lot of the humor went over everyone's head. Especially because of all those stupid Scary Movie films kind of set a very low standard. Yeah, I liked it. Besides, it had Bill Paxton in it playing a Jimmy Buffett wannabe/hasbeen.

Sample humor: "You had sex with a goat??" "Hey, we were kids!"

A quick caveat for you folks: what I've written below is pretty personal. I wouldn't have posted it if I didn't want you to read it; I just apologize in advance if I make you feel uncomfortable.

Not a fun night last night; my husband and I had a long talk; he's upset and has been upset for a long time about the state of our marriage. I can't get all defensive and protest his feelings, because it's true: I tend to ignore him. He was pretty devastated and I felt awful that he was in such distress and it was my fault.

Jon is someone who feels things. He is emotional and is very passionate and enthusiastic about many things. He is quite outgoing and friendly. He is also quick to anger and he'll take it out on anyone available, which means he has many acquaintances and few close friends. Very few people are willing to tolerate that kind of treatment for very long. Me, I just tune it out.

As for me, I feel things, but I love to think more. If I fall in love with a particular activity, or story, or person, I love to analyze why. I get more enjoyment out of that examination than the object itself. But once things are analyzed I tend to move on to something else. Which leaves me here wondering if I didn't do that to my marriage. Oops.

So why did I fall in love with my husband and eventually agree to marry him?

When I met him, I was attracted to the things that I think attract everyone to him: he knows no strangers; he is funny and he has an infectious smile and laugh. He is also quite good looking which has made me wonder why he didn't find someone better looking than me. As I got to know him I found an intelligent man who quickly takes to new skills - he picked up skydiving videography at an astonishing pace and was making money hand over fist. He picked up flying a few years back and now has his commercial pilot's license. He knows both of our airplanes front to back and I am sure will be a certified Airframe and Power Plant mechanic soon. How can I not love and envy that lightning grasp of skills? He oozes ability while I putter along doing things here and there but not really applying myself.

When he decided he wanted to open a drop zone, many people (including me) were like "yeah, sure, whatever." I didn't think it would get off the ground. Four years and a lot of solved problems later, here we are still growing. And another thing I love about Jon is he really does put our customers first. He will do things I find questionable financially to make someone happy. But I can't argue that it doesn't work; that young kid J.J. I wrote about yesterday told me as we were walking back from the landing area how much he liked our drop zone. He said he felt welcome and comfortable there. You have no idea how much that means to me to hear that.

It's more than just Jon that sets our DZ's tone; but he is the touchstone. If I had tried to open a drop zone without him (which would never have happened) it wouldn't have been a 10th as successful. Everything Jon sets out to accomplish he does - I tend to be lazy and don't apply myself. Would I be working at a software job right now if I had never met him? Would I be an AFF instructor? Hell, would I still be skydiving? I doubt it.

And to get personal (but I hope not too personal), Jon is such an extrovert he helped me overcome a good deal of inhibitions. I have never had a lover like him. And I'm grateful he was so patient with me.

But now we're in a rut. I don't think it's all my fault; I detest being yelled at and I have done to him exactly what I do to everyone/everything that pisses me off; I ignore it. But that's stupid; he's my husband. I need to stop ignoring him and work on keeping our marriage intact.

My desire to do so begs the question: why? Our marriage has made us 10 times what we would have been without each other, that's the practical/material reason why. Everything, and I mean everything, we have built together will collapse and I would rather not see that. I'm proud of what we've accomplished together. And even though I don't show it or express it well, yes, I do love you, and yes, I am in love with you. I feel it the most when we're with a group of friends and you're making them laugh with one of your sound effects-laden stories. I feel it when you come up and hug me for no particular reason except you want a hug. I feel it when you ask me to help you think through a problem. There's a lot of other little things that are just too mushy or indecent to mention.

If you left it would leave a hole in my life too appalling to think about. You told me last night you were surprised at the depth of my passion in my writing; I hope I've now used it now to explain myself better.

Here's my latest review: The Munsters. My head still hurts.

Next up is Resident Evil: Special Edition. Booyah, I'm a masochist!

Roger Ebert has some good things to say about Keane, which he saw at the Telluride Film Festival:

Lodge Kerrigan, who makes films about lonely and isolated people, is back at Telluride for the third time with Keane, starring Damien Lewis as a schizophrenic man who drifts between being calm and functional, and raving in the streets. He is obsessed with a daughter he thinks was abducted.

Roger, darling; his name is spelled DamiAn, with an "a". Not that I've ever made that mistake. I hope you'll be able to survive the flood of angry emails from outraged gutter bunnies despite the fact you briefly praised his performance as "inward and intense".

I'm proud of myself for making a good judgement call during an AFF dive this weekend. We had this young student named J.J. whose mother is Korean but when he talks he talks with the Elvis-esqe Misssissippi accent. I am totally charmed. But anyway, he was all excited and nervous, and he got overloaded on his first jump.

After talking with him, I pass him onto level two despite the fact he technically failed. I passed him because he seemed so down on himself and I wanted to encourage him; level two is pretty much the same as level one and I thought he'd do a better job now that he knew what freefall is like. He nailed it.

He was so happy with that jump he went on and did levels 3, 4, and 5 that weekend. He would have done 6 and 7 but the winds were too high on Monday. So I'm thinking I made a good decision because instead of him leaving with failure on his mind, he's probably going to become a regular skydiver.

If he comes out again (he better!) I'm going to have to post his picture.

I just found a new Word of the Day:

erotomania
SYLLABICATION: e·ro·to·ma·ni·a
NOUN: 1. Excessive sexual desire.
2. Psychiatry A delusional, romantic preoccupation with a stranger, often a public figure.
ETYMOLOGY: Greek ertomani : ers, ert-, sexual love + -mani, -mania.

Not that it means anything; I read it in a Roger Ebert review and I haven't had a word of the day in a long while so I just thought I'd share.

My sister informed me we *did* have cats when my parents were married. I stand corrected.

Final stretch:
91: If I could push a reset button on my life, I would still be working with computers. I just would have skipped the whole anthropology thing in college.
92: I used to be religious. I no longer have a religious affiliation because no religion has been able to prove to me why they are the correct one. It's tough having faith when you have such a hardcore logic streak.
93: It doesn't mean I don't believe in God. Truth be told I don't know what the hell is going on.
94: My religious beliefs could probably be summed up as "I have hope" as opposed to "I have faith".
95: I prefer the idea of reincarnation. There's something appealing to the idea of coming back and trying again.
96: From what I have read life probably does exist on other planets.
97: I am not worried for Earth. She seems to do what she wants whenever she wants and life aboard her is pretty tenacious.
98: I do wonder about us humans, about what is going to ultimately happen to us.
99: It makes me sad knowing I will never know. That's probably why I like the idea of reincarnation.
100: I am addicted to Sugar Free Red Bull.

There you have it. Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Meant to mention that Tuesday night Jon and I had some guests over for dinner - Kip and Theresa, the owners of Skydive Smokey Mountains near Knoxville, Tennessee. Nice folks. Kip is a pilot, too and he taught Jon how to do barrel rolls in his Cessna (yeek!). Nice folks; and you can never have too many friends in this business. *Most* drop zone owners help each other out.

Getting to the bottom of the barrel:

81: Despite 3 brothers and 1 sister, I have no nephews or nieces.
82: My mother has no siblings; my father has one sister who remains single.
83: All my grandparents have passed away.
84: When my parents were married, all of our pets were dogs.
85: When my parents divorced, all of our pets were cats.
86: I would own a beagle or a wiener dog if I owned a dog.
87: I would never own a purebred animal; not with all those freebies at the pet shelters available.
88: I remember once I used to be totally fascinated by molds and fungi.
89: The first concert I went to was in 1978: ELO.
90: The last concert I went to was 3rd Eye Blind.

I'm going to have to do some real digging for the last 10.

Hm. More Keane information. So - "The camera creates, especially in the film’s first half, a hypnotic sense of claustrophobia as it seldom leaves William’s face" and you dye his hair BROWN?!!? Jerk.

And on the other end of the spectrum, I hope NotSoSecretAgent on Cinema Blend forgives me:

As requested by Helly:

A tandem skydive puts a passenger in a harness. He is hooked via the harness to a certified tandem instructor (actually the instructor's Tandem parachute rig) by four points. The Tandem parachute rig is huge; The main parachute is on average 400 square feet; compare that to my personal parachute which is 120 square feet.

A tandem rig weighs about 60 pounds. Compare that to mine, which weighs around 10. My stubby little arms can't reach the bottom

of the tandem rig where the drogue pilot chute is (in other words I'd have a hard time opening the darn thing).

Your average joe who comes to the drop zone to do a tandem is about 5 foot 8 and weighs about 200 pounds. I'm only 5'2". He would have to wear me like a backpack. I guess I could take a cattle prod with me and drive them around with a pair of spurs - "Yee-ha! Jump little dogie, jump!!"

I suppose I could get a smaller tandem rig, specifically built for me, and only take people my size. That would piss off our other tandem instructors though, who have to take those bigassed, sweaty, stinky men all day and consider the smaller people (who tend to be mainly women) a welcome break.

I did a tandem jump with my husband because after taking the tandem course. To complete their rating the instructor candidate must do 5 tandem jumps with a licensed skydiver who has at least 100 jumps. I presume this requirement is so the candidate can become more used to the system and is jumping with someone who actually knows what is going on.

I had about 500 jumps at the time and was spooked to get on the airplane without my own parachute. But the jump was fun, plus it was kinda romantic until we got near the ground. Then I was being a front seat driver: "Uh, Jon, shouldn't we start our downwind now? Jon, if you don't turn we might hit the building..."

More...
71: I did a tandem hang glide once. It was fun, but I wasn't hooked like I was when I skydived for the first time.
72: I have been white water rafting twice. I had problems with hypothermia both times.
73: I adore sailboats above all boats, all which are nifty.
74: I obviously have no problem with motion sickness.
75: I obviously have no fear of heights, either.
76: If I have any fear it's fear of social situations with strangers. I mean it's a hard core crippling kind of fear sometimes.
77: Our wedding anniversary is August 27th. I forgot about it until my mom sent us a card this year.
78: Jon and I got married in freefall by a Universalist/Unitarian preacher who also skydives.
79: I broken 2 bones in my body: my left tibia and my 5th thoracic vertabrae.
80: I have had a tonsilectomy, plus my wisdom teeth were removed. I was also put under anesthesia for an endoscopy.

Round and round and round she goes. Where she stops don't knobody knows!

Guess the theme:
71: I currently have a little over 17 hours and 38 minutes of freefall time.
72: Aircraft I have jumped out of: King Air, Queen Air, Beech99, Cessna 182, Cessna 172, Cessna 185, CASA, Twin Otter, Super Twin Otter, hot air balloon, and Sikorsky and Bell helicopters.
73: I have had to ride the plane down once.
74: I have had 2 reserve rides.
75: I have done only 1 tandem jump - that was with my husband when he was getting his tandem rating.
76: I think I am too short to get my tandem rating - besides, I prefer AFF because if the bastard gets too wiggly I can let him go.
77: I had 13 jumps before I had a stand-up landing.
78: I have packed about 3 parachutes for every jump I have done.
79: As far as I know, I have never packed anybody a malfunction, including mine. Knock on wood.
80: I pack reserve parachutes under my husband's supervision (he's an FAA certified parachute rigger); out of 115 reserve pack jobs, 7 people have had to use them (an unaccountably high incidence, btw). These are referred to as "saves". My 2nd reserve ride I packed the reserve; that was my first save.

I am much happier with my review of Purple Rain. Enjoy.

I scored some points on the DL mailing list when I was googling around and found some better information (scroll down) on Keane, which will be shown at film festivals in New York, Toronto, and Telluride. To sum up, a schizophrenic man who is trying to find his lost daughter befriends a woman and her daughter. The police suspect that this guy has something to do with his daughter's disappearance.

In other words, I'm not expecting a light romantic comedy. To make matters worse, judging from the small photograph that accompanies the blurb, he either a) dyed his hair brown for the part, or b) is wearing a wig. ARG!

I guess I should be more worried about not being able to see it at all. I don't think it's scheduled to be shown at the Hartselle International Film Festival and Swap Meet.

More hoo-ha:
61: Besides Chuck Heston, in the older school of actors I'm fond of Kirk Douglas.
62: I deeply admire Michael Caine's work ethic.
63: I like Jimmy Stewart and Gary Cooper even though they basically played themselves no matter the role.
64: I am very fond of Alfred Hitchcock movies, especially Psycho and Vertigo.
65: Despite my addiction to leaving airplanes in mid-flight, I get a kick out of watching thunderstorms and other forms of violent weather.
66: I am attracted to bodies of water. I love rivers and lakes, but I really love oceans. I bet you knew that.
67: I love to fish. I don't get too upset if I don't catch anything.
68: I have caught, killed, cleaned, and eaten many different types water creatures.
69: I'm not sure I could ever kill a cow or a pig.
70: I don't think I would have a problem killing or cleaning a chicken, though.

Got 9 jumps in this weekend, in between thunder showers. I'm getting mighty tired of the weather.

I went to the Huntsville Airport Saturday night to pick up Billy Rhodes, the guy who taught me to teach people to skydive. He's in town for the week to run an instructor's course at our drop zone. We only have two participants; I hope they get their rating because Jon is getting burned out and we could use the help.

Halfway there:
51: My favorite artists are Dutch; Rembrandt and Van Gogh.
52: But my absolute favorite is M.C. Escher (again Dutch), whom many (including himself) do not consider to be a real artist.
53: I prefer landscapes to portraits, especially with photographs.
54: My favorite classical music is Beethoven's symphonies, esp. the 9th and the 3rd.
55: When driving to work, I prefer to listen to NPR.
56: I prefer to dress in black and blue, but I am in no way affiliated with the BDSM crowd.
57: Cotton.
58: I prefer form to follow function and have little use for knicknacks.
59: Despite that, I have my 'island of lost toys' next to my computer. I just rescued two dinosaurs that someone left at the dz.
60: If a genie popped out of a bottle and told me I could look like anyone I wanted to, I would tell it I want to look like Lauren Bacall when she was 24 (watch Key Largo to understand).

Never give any power to government that you wouldn't want your worst enemy to wield. Because eventually, he will.
-Vox Day

And even more:

41: I don't like people in gereral.
42: Out of every one I have met, I have met very few whom I didn't like.
43: I can only think of 2 people whom I've met in recent memory that I actively dislike.
44: I prefer polite over friendly when dealing with a stranger.
45: I don't have much empathy for other people's problems.
46: I think that's because when I have a problem I want to solve it, not cry on someone's shoulder.
47: I like helping people when they have a problem.
48: Sometimes I have a hard time distinguishing between someone who just wants to talk and someone who needs to have a problem solved.
49: I have cried on people's shoulders. Usually about men.
50: It embarrases me to show that kind of emotion.

I watched Purple Rain last night. The movie did nothing to improve my opinion about Prince. When the review gets posted I will point you to it.

Yet more:
31: My favorite American mass-produced beer is Killian's Red, with Rolling Rock second.
32: My favorite import, is of course, Guinness stout.
33: Other favorite beers in order of preference: Anchor Porter, Sam Adams, Amstel Light, Sierra Nevada Pale Ale.
34: My favorite fast food are Egg McMuffins.
35: My favorite junk food (salty variety) is honey mustard/onion flavored pretzel pieces.
36: My favorite junk food (sweet variety) is Hershey's milk chocolate.
37: My favorite expensive-as-shit food is lobster.
38: My favorite cheap-assed (emphasis on 'ass' because that's what's in it among other things) food is bologna.
39: I'm also addicted to Oscar Mayer braunsweiger.
40: I hate liver, bananas, and inexplicably anything with fruit in it (inexplicable because I love most fruit).

And more:

21: I do not like to kill spiders. Spiders eat bugs. The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
22: I am allergic to all furred and feathered animals. Therefore my favorite animal is the frog.
23: I ate frog legs once. I still suffer from horrible guilt.
24: I love all forms of cats despite allergies; especially tigers. Cute and fuzzy predators.
25: I once tried to save a falcon who got injured by a cat. He died.
26: I have worked as a security guard, pager repairer, cook, and pizza deliverer - among the jobs I don't write about.
27: I am afraid that I am incompetent at my chosen jobs.
28: I love maps.
29: My husband's nickname is Curley.
30: We went and saw Mars Attacks on our first date.

I received a flat tire yesterday coming home from work. I called Jon, who was in Huntsville at the time, and he said he would be right over to help me. I got impatient so I started to change the tire myself. A nice man driving an Ace Hardware truck stopped and offered his assistance. I think it's best to be wary of opportinistic men; having said that it is also important to let men act gallantly whenever possible. I consider it a good behavior to encourage. He took over and I was on the road in 5 minutes.

2 of Damian Lewis' movies will be shown at different film festivals coming up in the fall (Toronto, New York, and Chicago). Not only will Brides be shown, Keane will also be debuted. The latter I haven't talked about because of contradictory information. Directed by Lodge Kerrigan, it concerns a man with schizophrenic episodes who is trying to find his abducted, 6 year old daughter. Schizophrenia is often confused with multiple personality disorder, by the way; this movie doesn't make that mistake.

This news has caused a great rumble in the Yahoo mailing group dedicated to his royal Gingerness. Many are plotting to stalk planning to go to the various festivals in hopes of running into him. And I really don't want to make fun of these women; when he did a play in England over the winter, many went and met him. The ones who bragged about it behaved like ladies (for the most part) and report him to be a nice fellow (who smells good and likes oatmeal raisin cookies). Some posted pictures they took of themselves next to Damian (usually getting a hug); sometimes I wish I didn't get so in a bundle about the way I look. These women aren't supermodels. They look like me. Except they smile.

Any way, I'm not planning to go. I shall live vicariously through their trip reports.

More info:
11: I dropped out of High School.
12: I finished up at an open campus.
13: I have a bachelor's degree from Georgia Southern University (nee College) in Anthropology.
14: My minor is in spanish, but I also took many philosophy classes.
15: I also ended up loving math. I ended up taking math through Calc II, probably the only one at that college who got a liberal arts degree to do so.
16: I first learned to program in BASIC on a TRS-80 in high school.
17: I bought my first computer (a 386) with money I saved from time I spent on active duty during Desert Storm.
18: I learned to program in Pascal on the 386.
19: I tried to learn C but had problems understanding pointers.
20: After studying assembly language for a while I understood pointers so I went back to studying C.
21: A pointer is a variable that contains the memory address of another variable. This is seared - seared - into my mind.

Yes!!! I'm:

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

I knew I had it in me to be an evil overlord!!

I'm kidding. I really scored Albert Einstein:

What Famous Leader Are You?
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I ain't no Einstein.

Thinking about doing the "100 things about me" but I tend to yak about me a lot. What the heck. I think I'll break it up into manageable chunks like Nancy's doing:

1: My middle name is Linn.
2: I'm tired of people mispelling it.
3: I once went postal because I had a boyfriend who insisted on spelling my first name "Sandi".
4: My mom's name is Melsena.
5: My oldest brother, my dad, his dad, his dad's dad, his dad's dad's dad, etc. all have the first name Edward.
6: They all have different middle names so there's none of that "junior" bullshit going on.
7: I have a birthmark on my lower abdomen roughly shaped like Australia.
8: I used to play the clarinet.
9: I used to play guitar.
10: I used to collect stamps.

What an annoying weekend! It wasn't totally rainy both days so I had to be at the drip zone - I mean drop zone for the entire time. We managed to get one AFF level 1 in Sunday Afternoon. Sheesh! Both days it would look like it was going to clear up, then *poof!* rain.

The AFF was with a woman who was just perky to the point I wanted to smack her. I feel bad about feeling that way; she's a nice woman who did a great job. She scuba dives, hang glides, and is involved in the theater. I now know who took my share when God was handing out extroversion.

Saturday a lot of us went to a fellow jumper's house on Smith Lake. Most of us drove over; a few of us jumped into the lake via skydiving. Water jumps can be fun but it's a bitch drying out your gear. I chose to drove.

I made a cake for my husband. I tried to make my own buttercream frosting but that was a disaster. I bought storebought frosting; I also bought a bunch of those tiny tubes of cake decorating gel and I had everyone at the drop zone 'sign' the cake like they would a birthday card. Wish I had photographed it - highly amusing.

For my next review I get to do something more challenging - Prince's Purple Rain. I do not like Prince, never seen the movie. So watching this with an open mind will be interesting.

As for continuing the diet, my husband now has expressed interest in losing, so we've agreed to work on it together. So no radical diets this time, just plain old watching what we eat. We're hammering out a game plan as we speak. What the hell did we do before the days of Instant Messaging, Email, and cell phones?

As promised:

My Candyman review. I don't think this is nearly as good as I know I can do; but then again I've really just started.

Still, it's a foot in the door, eh? I'm also gonna put a permanent link to this movie site in my links.

Dammit! Eric, no Bond for you, okay? Not a good idea! Helly sent me an article saying Eric Bana was trying to decide whether playing Bond would be good for his career. No! No, no, no, no no! It will not! Sean Connery managed to climb out from under that persona, but it took him a long time! Did it help Roger Moore's career? How about Timothy Dalton? Or the last Australian to play him, George Lazenby (and include me in the group of people who think On Her Majesty's Secret Service is one of the best Bond films out there)?

Mr. Bana; Eric, Darling: I realized that flighty but talented Steven Spielberg pushed the filming of your next project back, and that considering his track record it might never be made, but James Bond will be the kiss of death to your career. Unless you agree to play a Bond baddie. That has never hurt anyone's career, really! The bad guys always get to chew scenery - remember Chopper, where your character got shivved repeatedly and the absolutely incredible look of sadness and betrayal on your face? Damn, you were scary in that movie! Not to mention the absolute badass you played in Black Hawk Down.

*Sigh*. I'm in lust with you, so if you play Bond I'll be there opening day. Just don't tell me I didn't warn you.

Anyways. I mentioned I'm going to be reviewing movies for a movie site. I'm submitting my first review today; don't know when or if it will be posted. If I submit it I can't publish it here because of an agreement I signed. For the review, I watched Candyman, which was just released on DVD in a special edition. I haven't seen that movie since it was released, and I am happy to note it's still as creepy as when I first saw it.

Last night Jon and I watched Kill Bill Vol.2. Sigh.

You know, I really like Tarantino's movies: Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, and Jackie Brown. They all tend to have long scenes of conversations which for the most part hold my interest. But by the end of Volume 2 I was begging Uma to Kill Bill allready. Do you really want me to explain the entirety that is Kill Bill to you? Simple: Quentin has a crush on Uma.

Volume 2 suffered because none of the fight scenes came close to matching the Crazy 88 scenes in volume 1. Oh sure I liked the showdown between Beatrix (whoops, hope I didn't spoil anything for you) and Elle Driver, but it was too short. And I never realized David Carradine spoke so mincingly. Really! The best part of volume 2 was the flashback with Kung Fu instructor Pai Mei. Tarantino has truly seen every cheapassed Hong Kong flick in existence. I really loved it when Pai Mei was berating The Bride for not being able to speak proper Mandarin. They were both speaking Cantonese. Yeah, I can tell. Cantonese is more singsong while Mandarin has a lot of hard R sounds in it. I too have seen way too many cheapassed Hong Kong flicks.

My absolute favorite American movie with a Hong Kong spirit will always be Big Trouble in Little China. This movie came out before it was cool to like cheapassed Hong Kong movies. Do not confuse this one with Showdown in Little Tokyo, an old Dolph Lundgren movie. If you watch this piece of doo-doo, it is only worth seeing because it was one of Brandon Lee's movies.

I've said it before, I think; but what a waste of a perfectly good hottie. I saw this alleged film on HBO one day over at a friends house during college. I remember saying to my friend, "Who's the Bruce Lee looking fellow?". Damn, he had an easygoing charisma; he had moves, and oh he was a babe. I was watching CNN some years later when they reported on his injury on a movie set. It wasn't an hour later they reported his death. First time I lost a listee. Usually they just fade away.

Today is my beloved's birthday. Happy birthday, honey! He's 34. Yep, I like 'em young.

I bought him Doom 3 and we ate at the Sushi Boat. Mmmm.

Watched a couple of movies recently. First off was the hysterically awful House of the Dead. You know me - I can't resist a zombie movie. But this is staggeringly bad. Bad acting, lots of gratuitous bullet-time scenes, egregious continuity errors,.. I was afraid that this year was going to be merely mediocre but between the brilliance of Spider-Man II and this vomit bag my faith in Hollywood's ability to produce awe-inspiring movies at both ends of the bell curve has been restored. I can't say enough bad things about House of the Dead.

And in other news: The Last Samurai was more in the middle of the bell curve. Na, I'll give it some credit: the cinematography was wonderful and the acting was good. It spent too much time slamming Americans and romanticizing feudal Japan. In other words, I think Watanabe Ken is far more handsome than Tom Cruise is. Actually with the shaved head and the moustache/goatee thing he reminds me of my husband. Anyway, the movie itself has a decent story; I didn't think much of having the American have such a large role in the shaping of Japan's fate.

You know what amuses me? Japan was originally populated by the Ainu, a caucasian people. Oriental people invaded, took their lands, pushed them into marginal areas, etc. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? They also intermarried somewhat and that's why with a little practice you can tell Japanese and Chinese apart. Japanese people tend to have more angular features. No point to that observation; just amused by the Japanese culture=good American culture=bad silliness perpetuated in this movie.

More on the Rantoul trip:

Jon and I were going to fly up to Rantoul in our little plane, the Cessna. We are renting the Cessna out to a smaller drop zone in Rome, Georgia; so that meant we were going to drive to Rome first. However, the drop zone owner of Skydive Atlanta, in Thomaston, Georgia, called up Jon and asked him if they could use the Cessna that week. Jon explained we were flying to Rantoul, and SA's dzo (Trey) said, "What a coincidence! I'm flying up there with my wife; that's why we wanted to use your Cessna. I have some students and need another plane."

To make a long story short, he flew over to Cullman in his King Air and picked us up. The trip by car is about 8 hours. By Cessna it's about 4. In the King Air, it's about 1.5 to 2 hours. It's good to be the King! Er, good to have a King. Whatever.

Steve was injured at Rantoul early on. He was landing and ran into a golf cart. He received a bunch of stitches and spent the rest of Rantoul on crutches. He tore some muscle but didn't break any bones. That has to hurt, however. I was happy to hear that no one got dead or seriously messed up. Sure there were standard broken ankles and other mishaps. And that guy we passed wednesday night who was staggering around the bonfire with a bottle of Jack Daniels probably wished he was dead the next morning.

I have met a good deal of people in this sport. I am chagrined to realize a great deal of them have less time in the sport than me. Those who have the same amount of experience as me I tend to think of as equals. A few of them I regard as fools, but if you have not crunched yourself out of the sport by a thousand jumps you must be doing something right (for the most part. Some people are just lucky or stubborn). The ones who have more jumps than me I tend to respect; I also have a very few I consider personal gods. I was thrilled to run into one of my personal gods at Rantoul; he has the wonderfully baroque name of Winsor Naugler III and we got to talk a while but it was too windy to jump. I hope I can bring my own posse next year and get him to jump with us.

"Posse". Sheesh. I mean a group of formation skydivers. I was the only one from Skydive Alabama at Rantoul who does formation skydives. Everyone else does free flying, which I don't do. I should work closer with some of our younger jumpers to get them competent with formation work so that our drop zone doesn't become a free fly only dz. I did some jumping with my brother and some other younger jumpers last weekend and I had a good time. It also gives me an opportunity to work on fundamentals.

Ah, well; I'm rambling now. Check out Lilek's bleat today. He spends some time berating some of the latest fashion trends.

I'm back. How was Rantoul? It was windy, cloudy, and cold. Not exactly what I want in a skydiving vacation. What the hell is up with the weather? Guess I shouldn't complain too much; my house wasn't destroyed by a hurricane.

I ended up jumping only 4 times at the World Freefall Convention. Because of the clouds, it was more like the World Hop n' Pop Convention. A hop and pop simply means you open your parachute a few seconds after leaving the aircraft. With only 3000 foot ceilings, that's about the only thing you could do. Borrrring. It's more fun to sit on the ground and watch wave after wave of canopies open and speculate on who is going to have a cutaway while drinking yourself silly. That is until you cheer when you see a cutaway then realize it's your husband. Silly man.

I did do a hop and pop out of a Sikorsky helicopter. Heh. That was nifty. A bunch of us also did a jump out of a hot air balloon. Thursday morning was fair, few clouds, and no wind so we got to be the third load on a balloon jump. The big problem with balloons is you can't really control your direction; just up and down. So load 1 took off from the airport; loads 2 and 3 chased the balloons in vans. Once the balloon pilot lands you have to run out and climb into the basket.

Our load chased for quite a while until he found a suitable landing area: a high school football field. And there were kids practicing there. I wonder what they thought when a balloon loomed over their school, touched down in the middle of the field, when all of a sudded 7 gaily dressed people in helmets scrambled out of a van to leap into the balloon's basket just as it took off again? I bet it helped break up all the monotony of those drills.

Then our group jumped out at 4600 feet and landed in a golf course. Those tee flags make great wind direction indicators! I landed in the driving range and I'm greatful no one used me for target practice.

We hitch-hiked back to the airport and by the time we arrived it clouded over again.

But hey, it was sunny and beautiful on Friday! At least it was when we left that morning.

Jest a quick note for today:

1) I'll be on vacation in Rantoul, Illinois until Friday.

2) I got the job doing DVD reviews! URLs to follow.

See ya.

I'm off the diet train until I get back from Rantoul. Here's hoping I don't blow what little progress I made.

The answer to yesterday's question was: "It stinks!".

I had a back spasm yesterday. I took it for as long as I could, then I went home and dosed myself with by back meds, and slept for about 16 hours. I feel washed out, but hey my back feels better.

Same old, same old.

In the rumor department: Negative on the Eric Bana/James Bond rumor (thanks, Helly!), thank goodness. Bond movies are jokes. Ralph Fiennes will be playing Voldemort, however. Yay!

I'm feeling nostalgic today:

With a pickle mind, we kick the nipple beer.
Steady as a goat, we're flying over trout.
Ghetto down the highway at the speed of light.
All I want to feel now is the wind in my eyes.
Sack of monkeys in my pocket, my sister's ready to go.
Hear the engines roll now.
Idiot control now.
Hideous control now.
Nitty on the road now.
Midi in control, wheels on fire, burning rubber tires!
Near each other rolls now.
He really loves me, go now.
Needy inches bow down.
Pity and a poor boy.
Hear the engines roll, bees on pie, burning rubber tires.

What do you think?

Day 10 *hah*140.2 pounds.

Last night we had company over. It wasn't the food so much as the beer. Oh, well, I'll just keep going.

No update yesterday because I was working my butt off. Wish that were true; then I wouldn't have to keep eating so much tuna.

Random thinking day

Trey Parker and Matt Stone are making a new movie: Team America: World Police. I am so there, even though puppets give me nightmares. I'm especially loving the buzz: liberals are wondering if this movie will liberal bash and conservatives are wondering if it will conservative bash. Both groups: of course it will. Nothing is sacred to these guys. Explicit puppet sex scene? Oh, god, I'll never get any sleep tonight.

When did Stephen Baldwin (the goofy looking Baldwin brother. No, the REALLY goofy looking one) find God? Has anyone spotted him on the 700 club yet? He is making Christian movies. If he's happier, then good for him. I'm reminded of a South Park ep about Christian Rock - there is a huge market for Christian-themed art (music, movies, etc) and sometimes I bet some of the artists are thinking to themselves 'there's gold in them thar hills' as opposed to actual prayer. Maybe I'm being cynical. Not that Stephen is doing this.

I avoided any coverage of the DNC just like I'll studiously avoid the Republican convention. I was unable to avoid one picture of demonstrators burning an effigy with two faces: Kerry on one side, and Bush on the other. If they had constructed it as a huge pinata, a photograph of a mass of people fighting and scrambling for candy as the pinata burst open would have been a far more apt political statement. Oy, where's that deserted island I ordered? I'll protect it with sharks with frickin laser beams on their head.

Yellowtail Merlot is mighty tasty.

Brides, the latest non-BBC TV movie Damian Lewis is in, is rumored to be shown at the Toronto Film Festival. I hope a U.S. distributor will pick it up; I'll still have to wait for DVD. The trailer should be up on the web in a few days. Lewis plays an American photographer who falls in love with a Greek mail-order bride who is sailing to America on the same ship as he. A more detailed description of the plot makes it seem like a four-hanky romance, but part of me was humming 'the Love Boat' while I was reading it. But still, if he doesn't smack her around or rape her, it will be a step up role-wise.

I know a man who is having an affair with a married woman (whom I also know). Without going into details, I am horribly fascinated by their relationship. I won't judge them; if they want to be together that's their business. But am I surreptitiously watching a romance, or a train wreck? I hope the former but I suspect the latter. I know a woman who is having an affair with a married man (whom I don't know). Her life is a train wreck; but she was pretty well psychotic beforehand. Cupid is an incorrect image; Love is a fearsome rabid beast that likes to bite people on the ass.

Day 8 PSMF: Still 138.2 temp is the same. Stairsteps.

Gotta admit I cheated on Saturday. I had to, those pizzas were causing me to drool! Anyway, I'm back to it now. I'm feeling a lot of muscle burn because of the lack of glycogen in them. It made skydiving interesting. I did 8 this weekend, including several with an ex-student of mine, Jenn, who lives in Wisconsin, I think. She came down with some friends for the weekend. She was one of my first students. I'm so proud! *Sniff!*

As far as the Ultimate Politics Survey goes - I hear Eric Bana is still up for the next James Bond. I still think he would make a better one than some of the names being bandied about. His English accent will need some work.

Also, Ralph Fiennes is rumored to be playing Voldermort in the next Harry Potter book. Him and Jason Isaacs in the same movie, playing bad guys. Now if they would cast my favorite redhead as the eldest Weasely son, I will die happy. Well, actually, I would wait on the dieing bit until I actually saw the movie.

And another thing: I am *not* going to go see the Village just to see the Batman Begins teaser! I already know the twist because so many reviewers worked hard at not revealing it. I still loved Unbreakable the most of Shyamalan's movies.

So that's my political stance on *those* issues, and there's not a damn thing you can say to me to change my mind!